Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1

He chose his wife.
He didn’t choose you and he never will.

I’m good with that.

I can’t imagine having so little confidence that it wouldn’t bother me to always be someone’s second choice / never their priority. I deserve better. YMMV.

What is better? A cheater?

I am not his second choice, it is he is my first choice. And I am fine that he is married to you, who deserve better. Is he really better by sleeping with you occasionally? Maybe for you it is. I can't imagine having so little confidence that it would not bother you that your husband sleep with other women.

It’s sad you are so delusional. You are nobody’s 1st... not even your own.

Just get therapy, save everybody the “I am wonder woman” routine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are there so many cheated on wives on this thread?

There are a ton of OW on this thread because they are all alone during the holidays.

The stereotype of the other woman is quite different in the DC area. Most are married, so they are not alone. There are too many single men in DC, there's no reason to scrap the bottom of the barrel with a married guy.

DC has a ton of single white men 40 and up.

I've neither been a cheated on wife or a woman who has dated a married man, but from what I have seen around me, the notion men only cheat "down" is just not true. There are definitely some who do (I had a longterm boyfriend who was like this) but there are an awful lot of late 40s early 50s guys with kids married to the women they met in college when they were kind of nerdy and awkward who have become successful and are looking to trade up. They're not even overall letches, creeping after young things, they're after the 30 somethings who are hotter, fitter, and more successful professionally than their SAHM wives. At least in my sphere, this is pretty rampant. Never been there, but see a lot of second marriages like this and wouldn't say they're downgrading.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. So a serious question for the women AP’s: are there any traits you see in men who will cheat on their spouses vs. divorcing? I guess are there certain traits/ careers/ mindset that you find common in those men? Again, if they are unhappy in a marriage, they can divorce and so just trying to see if there’s any way to identify those men in advance.

They actually have a sense of duty, love their kids and respect their wives for what they bring to the table. They know they have it good with the only part that’s missing being sex, or enough sex. I’ve had men telling me upfront that do not intend to leave their wives ever.

I think you have accepted that men do this and are fine with it and so can see that cheating is not a big deal. For some of us, it is a big deal and so would find it hard to accept. I think this difference in mindset is what you are seeing play out on this thread. I don’t think the blame should be yours because it’s the husband’s fault.

As others have mentioned in this thread, many men cheat because of the excitement that this type of relationship brings. That would be hard to replicate in a marriage and so what many men say about not enough/good sex could be a red herring. Also, your description of those men as having sense of duty and respect for their wives seems in contrast to the way many of us would see it as antithesis to our views about trust and respect.

Would you be ok if your husband ever cheated on you (if you were to get married)? How would you screen for men who would be prone to this type of behavior?

NP here, and man who cheated. How to screen?

First, I think most men are capable of cheating and there is a lot of truth to the idea that men are in general as faithful as their options. So if you are married to an attractive, charming man, and one who travels for work from time to time, it's probably (but not certainly) going to happen. Which doesn't mean a years long affair but perhaps a ONS at a work conference.

To screen otherwise, two things: One, make sure he is genuine and really believes in monogamy. For me, I get the appeal of it but I really don't see it as realistic and would openly acknowledge this (and if my wife cheated I would totally understand). Second, and this is going to provoke a backlash here but it's true: keep the marital bed warm and be sexually adventerous together. Give him something to lose and make you his top of mind. It's cliche but my wife has totally and completely checked out sexually which makes the decision to take the plunge a lot easier to stomach. Again, there are men who cheat on their wives who have a great sex life but they are less common than men who are truly sexually starved. I hear from them, men are pretty open with each other about this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1

He chose his wife.
He didn’t choose you and he never will.

I’m good with that.

I can’t imagine having so little confidence that it wouldn’t bother me to always be someone’s second choice / never their priority. I deserve better. YMMV.

NP here. I see the other woman’s point. She is not lacking confidence nor is she insecure: she does not want to be married. I 100% get that after being married and miserable for a decade. In fact, she is probably helping prevent a divorce because he is getting needs elsewhere, if the wife wants to stay married, she should thank the AP.

Anonymous wrote:Why are there so many cheated on wives on this thread?

There are a ton of OW on this thread because they are all alone during the holidays.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1

He chose his wife.
He didn’t choose you and he never will.

I’m good with that.

I can’t imagine having so little confidence that it wouldn’t bother me to always be someone’s second choice / never their priority. I deserve better. YMMV.

What is better? A cheater?

I am not his second choice, it is he is my first choice. And I am fine that he is married to you, who deserve better. Is he really better by sleeping with you occasionally? Maybe for you it is. I can't imagine having so little confidence that it would not bother you that your husband sleep with other women.

English please?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1

He chose his wife.
He didn’t choose you and he never will.

I’m good with that.

I can’t imagine having so little confidence that it wouldn’t bother me to always be someone’s second choice / never their priority. I deserve better. YMMV.

What is better? A cheater?

I am not his second choice, it is he is my first choice. And I am fine that he is married to you, who deserve better. Is he really better by sleeping with you occasionally? Maybe for you it is. I can't imagine having so little confidence that it would not bother you that your husband sleep with other women.

Not me honey. I’m happily married. I so pity you.

Anonymous wrote:Why are there so many cheated on wives on this thread?

It’s just a few. But they are angry elves.

Why are there so many cheated on wives on this thread?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1

He chose his wife.
He didn’t choose you and he never will.

I’m good with that.

I can’t imagine having so little confidence that it wouldn’t bother me to always be someone’s second choice / never their priority. I deserve better. YMMV.

What is better? A cheater?

I am not his second choice, it is he is my first choice. And I am fine that he is married to you, who deserve better. Is he really better by sleeping with you occasionally? Maybe for you it is. I can't imagine having so little confidence that it would not bother you that your husband sleep with other women.

Anonymous wrote:For my AP, we're each other's "drug". We meet 2x a year when I'm traveling and I fly her in (we live in different countries). Just for 2-3 days at a time. It's an intense weekend and lots of fun for both of us... then back to our respective realities.

And yet YOU fly her in. Why not ask her to pay for her own ticket and see how much of a drug you are to her. I'm sure it's only intense because of the show she puts on so she can go home with all the stuff you buy her during that 2-3 days. It would be cheaper to pay for the hour but if you have the money, splash it around, it's the only drug she needs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wining and dining are also pretty fun. I have a very nice collection of some fine wines.

You know there’s literally a word for selling sex for expensive stuff right?

Wine this gets funnier by the post, so cheap, is that all it takes. He scored with this one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. So a serious question for the women AP’s: are there any traits you see in men who will cheat on their spouses vs. divorcing? I guess are there certain traits/ careers/ mindset that you find common in those men? Again, if they are unhappy in a marriage, they can divorce and so just trying to see if there’s any way to identify those men in advance.

The common trait is that they are looking to be desired and they want excitement. I’ve been with men who regularly have sex with their wife, but they describe it as obligatory, marital sex. What they aren’t looking for is a wife, and what I don’t want to be is a wife. Most are happy with the kids and wife portion, but long for the carefree, wild sex and excitement.

Cheater here, this is exactly it. The marital only in one position and no more than once a week sex my wife is willing but doesn't want is my alternative. A fleeting moment of fun and passion again before I die is what this is about, nothing more. If my wife wanted to spice up the bedroom, I wouldnt affair. As my AP says, my wife could put her out of business

What I think is so funny is that the AP is so hot and the sex is so hot but they seem to do an awful lot of talking about the wife. You would think the time together would be so exciting that the wife wouldn't even be mentioned. So out of the small amount of time the OW has she still has to hear about the wife. F*ck that, hilarious.

Anonymous wrote:The wining and dining are also pretty fun. I have a very nice collection of some fine wines.

You know there’s literally a word for selling sex for expensive stuff right?