Anonymous wrote:Give your wife a trip away. Let her have a few nights alone in a hotel room.

Go from there.

Anonymous wrote:You mean your wife expects you to be a parent when you’re home? The gall.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I dont know if anyone mentioned this because I didnt read the whole thread, but a part of the problem is that your 3 year old is spoiled as hell. There is NO WAY I would entertain a 3 year old at night like that. There is no back run and tucking in in the middle of the night. 3 is old enough to get up and potty alone often times, and if not at least cut out all the extras. Just accompany the kid to the toilet and go bakc to bed. But I'm skeptical they need help with that.

I agree. A 3yo should not be up multiple nights a week needing attention. That is neither normal nor acceptable. If 3yo needs to potty, s/he can do so solo.

The situation with the three year old speaks volume and tells me there is a lot more going on than OP told us about. Most likely OP is the kind of parent who lets her kids do whatever and puts their needs first. The DH isn’t supportive of this parenting approach but OP doesn’t seem to get this. So he kind of shrugs and leaves it all up to OP rather than try to fight that battle. So he thinks if the kids aren’t sleeping this is her problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I dont know if anyone mentioned this because I didnt read the whole thread, but a part of the problem is that your 3 year old is spoiled as hell. There is NO WAY I would entertain a 3 year old at night like that. There is no back run and tucking in in the middle of the night. 3 is old enough to get up and potty alone often times, and if not at least cut out all the extras. Just accompany the kid to the toilet and go bakc to bed. But I'm skeptical they need help with that.

This this this.

Your husband probably doesn’t want to be “on” because your actions have resulted in your kids not sleeping. Kind of like a dad not wanting to change a 3 year olds diapers.

Only someone who assumes that sleep and potty training are the sole responsibility of the mother would frame it that way ...

Dad doesn't like waking up? Dad buys Ferber and initiates sleep training. Dad doesn't like changing diapers? Dad buys Oh Crap, takes 3 days off work, and does the boot camp.

I don’t think this and my husband played an equal role in both.

BUT in this situation it seems safe to assume that the mother is the one in charge of the kids’ sleep. After all isn’t the husband away a lot on business travel? The DH can Ferber all he wants but if the mom is running into the kid’s room multiple times a night then Ferber won’t do any good.

The PP said "your (the mom's) actions have resulted in your kids not sleeping." And I have no idea why it would be "safe to assume that the mother is the one in charge of the kid's sleep." The OP is an RN who does shiftwork.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I dont know if anyone mentioned this because I didnt read the whole thread, but a part of the problem is that your 3 year old is spoiled as hell. There is NO WAY I would entertain a 3 year old at night like that. There is no back run and tucking in in the middle of the night. 3 is old enough to get up and potty alone often times, and if not at least cut out all the extras. Just accompany the kid to the toilet and go bakc to bed. But I'm skeptical they need help with that.

This this this.

Your husband probably doesn’t want to be “on” because your actions have resulted in your kids not sleeping. Kind of like a dad not wanting to change a 3 year olds diapers.

Only someone who assumes that sleep and potty training are the sole responsibility of the mother would frame it that way ...

Dad doesn't like waking up? Dad buys Ferber and initiates sleep training. Dad doesn't like changing diapers? Dad buys Oh Crap, takes 3 days off work, and does the boot camp.

I don’t think this and my husband played an equal role in both.

BUT in this situation it seems safe to assume that the mother is the one in charge of the kids’ sleep. After all isn’t the husband away a lot on business travel? The DH can Ferber all he wants but if the mom is running into the kid’s room multiple times a night then Ferber won’t do any good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I dont know if anyone mentioned this because I didnt read the whole thread, but a part of the problem is that your 3 year old is spoiled as hell. There is NO WAY I would entertain a 3 year old at night like that. There is no back run and tucking in in the middle of the night. 3 is old enough to get up and potty alone often times, and if not at least cut out all the extras. Just accompany the kid to the toilet and go bakc to bed. But I'm skeptical they need help with that.

I agree. A 3yo should not be up multiple nights a week needing attention. That is neither normal nor acceptable. If 3yo needs to potty, s/he can do so solo.

The situation with the three year old speaks volume and tells me there is a lot more going on than OP told us about. Most likely OP is the kind of parent who lets her kids do whatever and puts their needs first. The DH isn’t supportive of this parenting approach but OP doesn’t seem to get this. So he kind of shrugs and leaves it all up to OP rather than try to fight that battle. So he thinks if the kids aren’t sleeping this is her problem.

Anonymous wrote:This is strictly a nighttime issue. We always agree on the day time division of work. We have a 9 mo old and a 3 year old (also a 7 yr old but he sleeps overnight no issue) and I would say the 9 month old still gets up 4/7 nights a week and the 3 year old a similar amount of time. The baby wants a bottle and goes back down. The 3 year old uses the restroom, needs tucked in, sometimes needs water or back rubbed. We are both fine with this level of need. We usually just switch nights off 50/50. But when I come back to traveling she expects me to take 2 to 3 nights in a row. I sleep TERRIBLE at hotels and really need sleep MORE than normal when I return. She said she's exhausted from doing a week solo and would love nothing more than "a cheap empty hotel room to sleep in." I get both sides but I am beginning to really hate coming home because I know my shifts will start ASAP. What are the solutions here?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you sleep in a hotel room? I would have no sympathy if my husband got a quiet room to himself with zero interruption and “couldn’t sleep”

There isn’t any reason you shouldn’t come back rested. Next time take an ambien or a Xanax

Female here, and I don't sleep well in hotel rooms either. Zero interruption is a fantasy - have you never stayed in a hotel? People have parties in hotels, there are kids, there are people who have loud sex or sound like they are stomping around. On top of that, the surroundings aren't familiar; it isn't your bed, your pillows, your environment, etc, so relaxation is already hard. To say that flights are not comfortable is an understatement, even if you are flying first class. Many people on travel party for sure, but I would say even more people are working 12-14 hours a day.

That said, I agree that OP needs to take over child care after being gone. I think a better solution, however, if they could afford it, is to outsource some childcare for the days that he is traveling.

What hotels are you staying in???

I stay in Marriotts and I never have these issues. Parties? Never happens. Very rarely is there any other type of noise and if there is, I ask to be moved, the end. Problem solved.

How do you people get through life being such snowflakes? I can’t even.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I dont know if anyone mentioned this because I didnt read the whole thread, but a part of the problem is that your 3 year old is spoiled as hell. There is NO WAY I would entertain a 3 year old at night like that. There is no back run and tucking in in the middle of the night. 3 is old enough to get up and potty alone often times, and if not at least cut out all the extras. Just accompany the kid to the toilet and go bakc to bed. But I'm skeptical they need help with that.

I agree. A 3yo should not be up multiple nights a week needing attention. That is neither normal nor acceptable. If 3yo needs to potty, s/he can do so solo.