Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry this work husband/wife stuff is nonsense. Work is work personal is personal. Putting a less offensive name on an emotional affair with someone does not make it ok.

Well this is just too black and white. In reality, a lot of us do get close to the people we work with. I think it’s sad to suggest that every close work partnership HAS to be either bare bones only professional interaction or it’s essentially an affair. My husband has a woman he had worked with that I am very comfortable calling his work wife. He has golfed with her husband! They text and speak by phone and share details of their lives as friends do but never in a way I have felt threatened by. Similarly, I have a friend at work like this. It isn’t sexual. It isn’t an emotional affair. We have never done drinks together alone or anything nor anything else inappropriate or line crossing, but they are the person at work (and I for them) I can safely vent to, rely on for a favor, and who just have the most similar personality to me. The person who will attend a meeting I attend and when we walk out we both mention the same absurd tidbit. It’s sad you would find THAT unacceptable since it’s a major function for a lot of people being able to cope with stress or burnout at work. Just a coworker who gets you.

Obviously OP’s issue extends to the drinks alone that he hid but a work husband/ work wife is not an inherently bad thing or a thing that is definitively line crossing in a relationship.

Maybe this terminology of work wife/husband needs to die off. There's no similarity in my mind between close coworkers and a spouse. We should leave it at "work friends". My husband has a colleague who he works with a lot (although remotely). She has helped his career. They have very compatible personalities. I would be disturbed if he started calling her his "work wife". It's actually not very funny if you think about it.

Anonymous wrote:This is exactly how pretty much every affair starts, FYI.

Anonymous wrote:My ex wife had a "work husband." She seemed to regard him as a nice, asexual, buffoon. He was a reliable person to talk to at office events. I was a reliable person to talk to at school and family events. She thought of her work husband and her home husband pretty much the same way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry this work husband/wife stuff is nonsense. Work is work personal is personal. Putting a less offensive name on an emotional affair with someone does not make it ok.

Well this is just too black and white. In reality, a lot of us do get close to the people we work with. I think it’s sad to suggest that every close work partnership HAS to be either bare bones only professional interaction or it’s essentially an affair. My husband has a woman he had worked with that I am very comfortable calling his work wife. He has golfed with her husband! They text and speak by phone and share details of their lives as friends do but never in a way I have felt threatened by. Similarly, I have a friend at work like this. It isn’t sexual. It isn’t an emotional affair. We have never done drinks together alone or anything nor anything else inappropriate or line crossing, but they are the person at work (and I for them) I can safely vent to, rely on for a favor, and who just have the most similar personality to me. The person who will attend a meeting I attend and when we walk out we both mention the same absurd tidbit. It’s sad you would find THAT unacceptable since it’s a major function for a lot of people being able to cope with stress or burnout at work. Just a coworker who gets you.

Obviously OP’s issue extends to the drinks alone that he hid but a work husband/ work wife is not an inherently bad thing or a thing that is definitively line crossing in a relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I want to to talk to him about it, but I don’t want to drive the behavior more underground.

I don’t know why I snooped. Just feeling a little distant from him and sort of wondering what was going on with him that I’m not seeing.

I’m so upset about this- we’ve always been really comfortable with having some separate social lives, me getting together with work friends (even men) and others, he going with his friends and colleagues. But the hiding it makes me very sad and scared. If I’m being honest it also makes me want to go out and have secrets I keep from him.

I hope you don’t have kids. You two are a disaster. This isn’t going to last. And yes, he’s cheating. And yes, it’s incredibly weird that he was ok with you dating a colleague.

Anonymous wrote:It's probably already in the danger zone. If he knows not to talk about her, then he has been "trained in the ways of a good cheater."

I would not go for drinks alone with a married male colleague.

Anonymous wrote:This is exactly how pretty much every affair starts, FYI.

Anonymous wrote:OP: I want to to talk to him about it, but I don’t want to drive the behavior more underground.

I don’t know why I snooped. Just feeling a little distant from him and sort of wondering what was going on with him that I’m not seeing.

I’m so upset about this- we’ve always been really comfortable with having some separate social lives, me getting together with work friends (even men) and others, he going with his friends and colleagues. But the hiding it makes me very sad and scared. If I’m being honest it also makes me want to go out and have secrets I keep from him.

Anonymous wrote:Well I’m a wife and hide and lie to my husband when we have HH after work. I tell him it’s just me and a few female coworkers but in reality it’s just me and one other female coworker with guys from other jobs we use to work at. These guys always gave me a lot of attention and made me center of attention. I’ve been married since high school and my husband has been the only guy to ever touch me below my neck. I’m only 5’1 with big B cups and a normal body and since I never really dated it feels nice being the center of attention. I mean I do flirt and tease and sometimes when I’m in a kinky mood I will do something to where another male coworker would be able to see down my blouse to where he can see the color and style of my bra and my small cleavage. I even sometimes sit in my office with my boobs out acting like I’m taking a selfie knowing a male coworker is coming to my office and when he walks in he has a full view surprise. All these things I do is just for fun and nothing more and I do it at every job I’ve worked at and I’m in the oil and gas industry and everyone knows who I am. Lol. So certain guys I never mention or talk about with my husband and never invite him to my office or any company events. I don’t have physical interactions, just flirt and tease and be a bit naughty since I never had the chance to do being married at 19. I’m 51 now