Anonymous wrote:Op. Just stop. Your story morphed when you received negative feedback. No one here is going to give you the validation you desperately seek.

Anonymous wrote:What happens when she has all 97s and doesn’t get into her dream school?

Anonymous wrote:
Apologize tonight if she's not asleep yet, or tomorrow before she goes to school. Say you trust her to get an A for the marking period, or failing that, for the semester. And then move on.

I've done that, OP. My 9th grader is 2e: gifted but learning disabled. It is the WORST educational situation, because he needs intellectual challenge, yet also needs support for his disabilities, and can either fail a test or get an A. I have totally lost it on him, more times than I can count.

Yet we have a relationship of trust. He forgives me, I forgive him. We have a close bond. His behaviors are absolutely infuriating, but he is intellectually capable of getting As in all his AP and Honors classes.

Somehow we're going to survive this kid and this kid is going to survive us, but... it's really hard.
(For the record, my other kids don't have these issues.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the thing is an 84 is not an F. Your job is to help her have perspective. She is losing sight of the goal of education, and I guarantee her obsession over points is hindering her learning.

Which I’m doing, that’s a B.

Her learning is fine. If she wants an A, here’s what you need to do. Seriously? What if she brought home a 64? Singing a different tune parents? There’s everything right with steering her into reality. A B is a bad grade for what she wants.

Anonymous wrote:Op, the thing is an 84 is not an F. Your job is to help her have perspective. She is losing sight of the goal of education, and I guarantee her obsession over points is hindering her learning.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. She’s highly competitive in all things. This is just her. I don’t think you all get this kid, she has to win.

She knows when she fails. She’s the kid studying for hours on her own because she wants the best grade.

There’s no pressure. She’s internally motivated. That damn 84 was jarring. She just screwed up. She’s used to 96 in everything. Does that make more sense? To her, it’s like an F.

Where I screwed up is not keeping cool. Saying it’s just one test. To be honest, it’s never just one test. She got it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We’re not on a scary path.

I recognized I was pushing too hard. She’s capable of achieving certain grades. She’s knows it, she wants it.

Maybe you guys are jealous of accepting an 84 as all that there is.

In sum, kids have different measures. My daughter screwed up. I overreacted, dialed back, and she still wants to be at the top of her class all on her own.

You think valedictorians just arrived there on nature without nurture. You are funny.

Perhaps what I failed to communicate, is she wants to be at the top of her class. She wants to oust your snowflakes. And that is the mindset it takes to be #1. But with her 84, she
had a setback. She wants it. You don’t get driven kids.

OP, I'm out. Good luck. You're gonna need it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I hear you all. OP here.

She wants a school that’s hard to get into. She’s wanted it for various reasons on her own. I’m really not a helicopter parent. I’m here to tell her you’re aiming for x, you aren’t going to get there without y.

I’m a loving mom who wants to guide their kids in the direction and path they chose. She wants to achieve something and I’m part of guiding her there. I’m not a monster.

Not an elitist either. It’s my kid driving this train.

Right, but you're giving her bad advice. She needs to know that even with y, x is a crap shoot. She should be aiming for a certain kind of life or career or interest, not a certain college.