Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 17:44     Subject: Re:Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Anonymous wrote:Why don't poor people just work harder and get a better job?

See, I don't actually post this stuff, because I am professionally successful, wealthy and money has always come easy. Yet I am not so pompous to think that life is so easy peasy on the money side for everyone, and I have never walked a day in a poor man's shoe.

So to the OP, you have never been in a lonely marriage, where despite your best efforts, the sex and intimacy have died. And with a stable home in a good school district and retirement accounts and health benefits and the family dog, and, and, and.

Point being, if you have been there, you know why people have affairs, if you haven't, feel free to moralize.


+1
After 10, 20, 30 years people change. A couple may no longer be the perfect match. It happens. And when there are kids in the mix who you truly intended to provide a stable home for, life can become downright sad and unpleasant. Our society doesn't make it easy to admit that a marriage isn't working and can't be fixed. For some the price of happiness is simply too high.

Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 17:34     Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Plain and simple:

The fear of being alone.


That's a good point. I'm amazed at the women I know who are so dependent in this way. All have kids and careers, so it's not the SAHM stereo type. I'm long time married, but if something should happen I could be perfectly happy with 2 poodles. I believe it's a self esteem thing.


And some probably think they will lose their entire social circle if they divorce. I've seen it happen with women in the babyboomer generation. Someone gets divorced or their spouse dies and that person is quietly forgotten about by their married friends who think they'll catch divorce or widow cooties.



Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 10:29     Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How would a sahm support herself genius?


She gets a job, duh.


Why would she do that when she has someone bringing home the money already? It's much easier to get a side piece than a $200k job for a sahm


My trophy wife AP was a SAHM whose kids had left the nest a couple of years ago and had a high-earning but always-gone husband (whose abilities in bed were a bit lacking). She was bored and eventually sought out some fun while he was away, which led her to me. Her options were:

1. Divorce her husband who enabled her to stay at home, shop, whatever, and never have to worry about income. Have to find employment of her own and seek out new companionship (we worked great as AP's but both acknowledged we would have never dated each other due to, among other things, the 14 year age difference (29 vs 43).

2. Stay with her husband, enjoy all the benefits he provided while also enjoying the benefits a much younger man with the stamina to match could provide whenever she needed it (which turned out to be a lot).

Which one do you think she chose? Not saying any of it was right, but you are naive if you can't see why she did what she did.


She was 43 and her kids had left the nest a few years earlier? OK.


They had kids young. She was 19-22 during her child-bearing years. Both kids left when they turned 18, which puts her at 40 when the last one left. Math not your strong suit is it?

Strange a guy who got married so young was such a high income earner. Was her husband older?


If he was, it was only by a couple of years. I don't know what he earned when they got married. It was the early/mid-80's, it was easier to pull off the single income back then I suppose. I grew up in the 80's and most of my friends' moms were SAHM. Not really that strange.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 10:28     Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Anonymous wrote:Because most men and women are intelligent enough -- and have the realistic expectations -- to know that the pheromones, excitement, and thrill of hot sex and chemistry with the new affair partner does eventually fade over time and settle into a familiar relationship with many of the same issues, struggles, disappointments, and boredom of the current marriage.

Since that is the case, it is a temporary remedy to get your hot sex 'on the side' while you work through the rough or boring patch with your spouse, rather than go through the emotional trauma (for both spouses and children) and the financial diminishment of a divorce for someone (the affair partner) who in the long run might not be any better.


Ding ding. We have a winner.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 10:19     Subject: Re:Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, another date night ends with no sex and no affection. It's been 3 times in 4 months. That's why I cheat. I love my spouse but it's platonic.

My AP is an amazing sensual woman but I am not breaking up my kids home for her. I do like and care about her and I hope she finds someone who can be 100%there for her.

As for my wife, I don't know what she knows, but she can't be surprised that an attractive man isn't going to be faithful with once a month duty sex


You're delusional, stop making excuses for being a slime ball.

Tell her how you feel, or go to counseling. Your AP is a hoochie who has probably slept with a ton of guys. I'm pretty sure she's not worth risking your health and marriage for. Another possibility your wife knows what you are, pulled back a long time ago. Maybe you've had inappropriate relationships with women before, you flirt, emotional affairs, or you show too much interest in her friends. Once she started seeing those signs she realized she married the wrong type of person.


You do not know anything about the AP or the wife. Stop making assumptions. His wife could be getting it on the side too.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 10:08     Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Since many women don’t marry for love, is it right to marry for money or just to have kids with someone you don’t love?

If the marriage turns sour, they will still get their fair share of family assets and 50/50 custody of kids.

It is amazing how deceitful, hypocritical and unethical women can be when it comes to manipulating men.

Marriage is truly the biggest gamble for a man, and a sweet deal for women.


It’s the other way around.


+1000
Marriage is much better for men. Worse for women!
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 10:04     Subject: Re:Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Why don't poor people just work harder and get a better job?

See, I don't actually post this stuff, because I am professionally successful, wealthy and money has always come easy. Yet I am not so pompous to think that life is so easy peasy on the money side for everyone, and I have never walked a day in a poor man's shoe.

So to the OP, you have never been in a lonely marriage, where despite your best efforts, the sex and intimacy have died. And with a stable home in a good school district and retirement accounts and health benefits and the family dog, and, and, and.

Point being, if you have been there, you know why people have affairs, if you haven't, feel free to moralize.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 08:52     Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Anonymous wrote:Plain and simple:

The fear of being alone.


That's a good point. I'm amazed at the women I know who are so dependent in this way. All have kids and careers, so it's not the SAHM stereo type. I'm long time married, but if something should happen I could be perfectly happy with 2 poodles. I believe it's a self esteem thing.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 08:45     Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How would a sahm support herself genius?


She gets a job, duh.


Why would she do that when she has someone bringing home the money already? It's much easier to get a side piece than a $200k job for a sahm


My trophy wife AP was a SAHM whose kids had left the nest a couple of years ago and had a high-earning but always-gone husband (whose abilities in bed were a bit lacking). She was bored and eventually sought out some fun while he was away, which led her to me. Her options were:

1. Divorce her husband who enabled her to stay at home, shop, whatever, and never have to worry about income. Have to find employment of her own and seek out new companionship (we worked great as AP's but both acknowledged we would have never dated each other due to, among other things, the 14 year age difference (29 vs 43).

2. Stay with her husband, enjoy all the benefits he provided while also enjoying the benefits a much younger man with the stamina to match could provide whenever she needed it (which turned out to be a lot).

Which one do you think she chose? Not saying any of it was right, but you are naive if you can't see why she did what she did.


She was 43 and her kids had left the nest a few years earlier? OK.


They had kids young. She was 19-22 during her child-bearing years. Both kids left when they turned 18, which puts her at 40 when the last one left. Math not your strong suit is it?

Strange a guy who got married so young was such a high income earner. Was her husband older?
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 08:42     Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Anonymous wrote:What? Are you dumb? Because divorce costs A LOT OF MONEY and blows up your children’s life! Christ, if I found out my spouse was banging someone from work, divorce would be the absolute last resort FOR ME, the cheated-on spouse. It has nothing to do with “honoring marriage vows” or whatever the f** people on this forum whinge about, and everything to do with keeping a stable family unit for the kids.


You need self esteem.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 08:39     Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Plain and simple:

The fear of being alone.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 08:29     Subject: Re:Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, another date night ends with no sex and no affection. It's been 3 times in 4 months. That's why I cheat. I love my spouse but it's platonic.

My AP is an amazing sensual woman but I am not breaking up my kids home for her. I do like and care about her and I hope she finds someone who can be 100%there for her.

As for my wife, I don't know what she knows, but she can't be surprised that an attractive man isn't going to be faithful with once a month duty sex


You're delusional, stop making excuses for being a slime ball.

Tell her how you feel, or go to counseling. Your AP is a hoochie who has probably slept with a ton of guys. I'm pretty sure she's not worth risking your health and marriage for. Another possibility your wife knows what you are, pulled back a long time ago. Maybe you've had inappropriate relationships with women before, you flirt, emotional affairs, or you show too much interest in her friends. Once she started seeing those signs she realized she married the wrong type of person.


Actually YOU are the delusional one. A wife who only puts out once per month clearly knows that she is falling short as a wife, and if he isn't worth her effort, what make her worth his effort (to be faithful)?

"I realize that our entire dating history and earlier marriage include XYZ, and you had reasonable expectations that we would both continue enjoying XYZ, but for various reasons (some of them a related to your actions/behavior) I have lost interest and won't be doing XYZ any more. Divorce me if you must, but that is the new deal"

For her, XYZ = sex
For him, XYZ = fidelity

Seems like his wife is getting exactly the treatment she has earned.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 06:04     Subject: Re:Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Anonymous wrote:Well, another date night ends with no sex and no affection. It's been 3 times in 4 months. That's why I cheat. I love my spouse but it's platonic.

My AP is an amazing sensual woman but I am not breaking up my kids home for her. I do like and care about her and I hope she finds someone who can be 100%there for her.

As for my wife, I don't know what she knows, but she can't be surprised that an attractive man isn't going to be faithful with once a month duty sex


You're delusional, stop making excuses for being a slime ball.

Tell her how you feel, or go to counseling. Your AP is a hoochie who has probably slept with a ton of guys. I'm pretty sure she's not worth risking your health and marriage for. Another possibility your wife knows what you are, pulled back a long time ago. Maybe you've had inappropriate relationships with women before, you flirt, emotional affairs, or you show too much interest in her friends. Once she started seeing those signs she realized she married the wrong type of person.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 01:32     Subject: Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Anonymous wrote:Since many women don’t marry for love, is it right to marry for money or just to have kids with someone you don’t love?

If the marriage turns sour, they will still get their fair share of family assets and 50/50 custody of kids.

It is amazing how deceitful, hypocritical and unethical women can be when it comes to manipulating men.

Marriage is truly the biggest gamble for a man, and a sweet deal for women.


It’s the other way around.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2019 00:42     Subject: Re:Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?
Well, another date night ends with no sex and no affection. It's been 3 times in 4 months. That's why I cheat. I love my spouse but it's platonic.

My AP is an amazing sensual woman but I am not breaking up my kids home for her. I do like and care about her and I hope she finds someone who can be 100%there for her.

As for my wife, I don't know what she knows, but she can't be surprised that an attractive man isn't going to be faithful with once a month duty sex