Anonymous
Post 09/17/2019 15:58     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:None of this would be an issue if OP wasn't jealous. Very common, she is jealous that her dh is spending time with his mom instead of her. She will deny it, but is she were honest she would see it for what it is. She is also resentful that she is handling the kids alone that day. Which is also her choice, she can involve MIL and DH in that task too. Every two weeks for an evening. This jealousy will pass as she gets older. Or it won't, people are different.
OP, your DH does not love you any less if he spends some time chatting with his mom. Nor is it a question of whom he loves more, it is a different kind of love. Does your DH begrudge you chatting with you mom? Even if he does it out of obligation and duty, she is still his mom. Try to relax about it and walk around in your pjs, or join them to chat.


Don't know about jealous but I would be hella resentful if my husband and MIL lounged around laughing with one another one day per week while I did all the childcare and I did not get an equivalent night off. "Hey kids, grandma and daddy will do bath and bedtime routine tonight!" And repeat again next week. Bet on week 3 or 4 MIL will be out the door as soon as you start rallying the kids to start bedtime routine.

But it doesn't have to be that way. I posted that OP can go to the gym on Mondays when MIL is coming and leave DH and MIL to take care of kids. Somehow women take the role of the martyr on their own, and then they resent it, it creates a very toxic resenting dynamic. And most certainly OP should have a night off and do things on her, do you OP? If she doesn't, that is her fault.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2019 15:21     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:None of this would be an issue if OP wasn't jealous. Very common, she is jealous that her dh is spending time with his mom instead of her. She will deny it, but is she were honest she would see it for what it is. She is also resentful that she is handling the kids alone that day. Which is also her choice, she can involve MIL and DH in that task too. Every two weeks for an evening. This jealousy will pass as she gets older. Or it won't, people are different.
OP, your DH does not love you any less if he spends some time chatting with his mom. Nor is it a question of whom he loves more, it is a different kind of love. Does your DH begrudge you chatting with you mom? Even if he does it out of obligation and duty, she is still his mom. Try to relax about it and walk around in your pjs, or join them to chat.


Don't know about jealous but I would be hella resentful if my husband and MIL lounged around laughing with one another one day per week while I did all the childcare and I did not get an equivalent night off. "Hey kids, grandma and daddy will do bath and bedtime routine tonight!" And repeat again next week. Bet on week 3 or 4 MIL will be out the door as soon as you start rallying the kids to start bedtime routine.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2019 15:17     Subject: Re:Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:I think its hilarious that some of the "older" posters with adult children want to believe that the husband wants to spend hours chatting with his mother once a week after work. No guy wants to spend hours talking with mommy. He wants to have sex with his wife, watch TV, get back on the computer for work or do something recreational that is it. Discussing gardening or Aunt Edna's latest caper with mom is not on the list.

Every older mother of an adult child wants to spend as much time as possible and desperately wants to believe that her adult child wants to hours talking with her. This is the problem. She is being rude because she is needy. The visits need to stop or MIL needs to leave before bedtime.



I am not not "older" poster with adult children. Quite the opposite, i am a younger poster with a toddler, one more on the way. And i do believe that adult son may want to spend some time with his mom, there is nothing wrong or odd with that.

You are weird and a jerk.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2019 13:37     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
None of this would be an issue if OP wasn't jealous. Very common, she is jealous that her dh is spending time with his mom instead of her. She will deny it, but is she were honest she would see it for what it is. She is also resentful that she is handling the kids alone that day. Which is also her choice, she can involve MIL and DH in that task too. Every two weeks for an evening. This jealousy will pass as she gets older. Or it won't, people are different.
OP, your DH does not love you any less if he spends some time chatting with his mom. Nor is it a question of whom he loves more, it is a different kind of love. Does your DH begrudge you chatting with you mom? Even if he does it out of obligation and duty, she is still his mom. Try to relax about it and walk around in your pjs, or join them to chat.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2019 13:20     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
This reliance on, "she should know ... " or some action is "code for" ... why doesn't she understand ?

It's ridiculous. Speak what's on your mind people.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2019 13:18     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
OP- how about you or your husband use your words?
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2019 12:44     Subject: Re:Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
I think its hilarious that some of the "older" posters with adult children want to believe that the husband wants to spend hours chatting with his mother once a week after work. No guy wants to spend hours talking with mommy. He wants to have sex with his wife, watch TV, get back on the computer for work or do something recreational that is it. Discussing gardening or Aunt Edna's latest caper with mom is not on the list.

Every older mother of an adult child wants to spend as much time as possible and desperately wants to believe that her adult child wants to hours talking with her. This is the problem. She is being rude because she is needy. The visits need to stop or MIL needs to leave before bedtime.

Anonymous
Post 09/17/2019 12:18     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:If you were black you would say "so what are you about to go do now?" as you're getting the kids ready to head upstairs. That's code for "thanks for visiting, but please leave".

Well, I’m Black, and I would kiss her cheek, say goodnight, kiss my husband, ask him to do the dishes before he goes to bed, and go relish in the luxurious space I get when alone in bed, while binging on the Netflix shows he doesn’t like. I’d be thrilled to get some alone time and everyone would be happy.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2019 12:06     Subject: Re:Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Let him deal with the kids.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2019 11:55     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Resentment, when there hasn't been clear communication, is worse than anything the other person could do

- especially when the atrocity is they are clearly enjoying the company of those they love.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2019 11:46     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Am I the only one who thinks Monday sucks? It's the worst day of the week for my kids. They are just plain exhausted. They had a nice weekend and then Monday kicks their butts at daycare. They are just disasters at dinner and they get early bed times. Any other day of the week is better.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2019 11:41     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s not just the kids, but I would like to be able to walk around in my pajamas and relax in my home after 9pm. I think the hour bedtime routine is more than enough time for DH and his mom to catch up. They can go out for dessert for all I care. But once it’s time to settle down, why can’t she leave? It’s rude.
Sounds like you haven't made it clear to her that you want her to leave - which, I'm sorry, OP, that's also rude. Say something to her directly.