Anonymous
Post 09/05/2019 10:04     Subject: Re:Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
Many posters have stated this, so I guess I should respond. I'm not opposed to getting her therapy, but seriously I really don't see what they are going to tell her that she doesn't already know. A PP said that she needs to learn the social skills, of conversation when to chime in, when to ask questions, etc. She knows all this. She gets it. Just when put in an uncomfortable situation, her shyness takes over and she sucks at doing it. It's like trying to tell someone who's not funny that they need to make jokes. An unfunny person knows that being able to crack a joke would be socially beneficial, but
their brain just doesn't work that way
. My daughter is actually very social and outgoing with the friends she has, but it is very difficult for her to break the bond with new people, and yes she has had many opportunities to practice doing this, despite what some people may think, I have not stepped in throughout her life and manipulated her social environments for her.


Hi, OP - you asked what therapy can give your daughter that she doesn't already know. CBT will help her with the bolded. It will give her strategies to keep her shyness from taking over so that she can put those social skills into practice when the time comes. It will help retrain her brain to work with her, not against her. It's like going to a personal trainer. You can know you need to do squats or deadlifts or crunches, but a personal trainer will help make sure you're doing them effectively, help you build the muscle memory to train your body to exercise safely, and hold you accountable.

Anonymous
Post 09/05/2019 09:37     Subject: Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been reading this thread for days, in addition to the other thread started by the OP.

I have rarely read more resistant and combative responses to what’s amounted to detailed help and support.

OP, why are you so angry?




The only thing I am "angry" about is the posters who say over and over that I need to get her therapy and make accusations that I have been a helicopter mom who has created this situation from interfering with her social life. I have said repeatedly that I intend to get her therapy (although she doesn't want it, which is another issue), and I have also said that I haven't been interfering with her social life previously, but there seems to be a chunk of posters that just don't want to believe it. They have made up their minds about me, and that's that. They are now on the attack and regardless of what I say, it's "you're a shitty parent, for not haven gotten her therapy up till now."


When did you say this previously? I haven’t seen it in this thread.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2019 09:17     Subject: Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been reading this thread for days, in addition to the other thread started by the OP.

I have rarely read more resistant and combative responses to what’s amounted to detailed help and support.

OP, why are you so angry?




The only thing I am "angry" about is the posters who say over and over that I need to get her therapy and make accusations that I have been a helicopter mom who has created this situation from interfering with her social life. I have said repeatedly that I intend to get her therapy (although she doesn't want it, which is another issue), and I have also said that I haven't been interfering with her social life previously, but there seems to be a chunk of posters that just don't want to believe it. They have made up their minds about me, and that's that. They are now on the attack and regardless of what I say, it's "you're a shitty parent, for not haven gotten her therapy up till now."


I have no idea if you've been a helicopter parent in the past. But, you're unquestionably being one now. And it's unlikely these tendencies just manifested in you when your kid gets to high school.



Exhibit A. You are exactly the type of poster I just described. You have made up your mind about me and that's that. Everything you post now will be some sort of attack. And yes, it has caused me to become defensive.


Did you even read the first sentence I wrote?

Also, do you deny your are being a helicopter parent right now?




Um, no. Did you not read what I just wrote or did you just ignore it in your hatred of me?

Because people have made all sorts of accusations that I never said, I've gotten responses along the lines of I've kept her sheltered and she hasn't had the opportunity to develop social skills, when I've said that she's always been involved in many activities including theater. I've had posters claim that I have been a helicopter mom and interferred with her social life so that she's never had to develop social skills, and while admittedly what I'm considering doing now is definitely very helicopterish, I've never done anything like this before, and never said anything in my postings to make people think that I have. People are just making assumptions about what they think the type of mom who would request something like this is like, and putting that bias out there in their postings, even ignoring many of the things that I have said to the contrary. Yes, I did say that I'm not hopeful that therapy would work for her, and yes I still have my reservations, but I would still would like for her try it. I mean it's not like there's anything to lose by it. And I actually HAVE encouraged her to try therapy a few times in the past, but she has always been adamant about not wanting it.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2019 09:14     Subject: Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been reading this thread for days, in addition to the other thread started by the OP.

I have rarely read more resistant and combative responses to what’s amounted to detailed help and support.

OP, why are you so angry?




The only thing I am "angry" about is the posters who say over and over that I need to get her therapy and make accusations that I have been a helicopter mom who has created this situation from interfering with her social life. I have said repeatedly that I intend to get her therapy (although she doesn't want it, which is another issue), and I have also said that I haven't been interfering with her social life previously, but there seems to be a chunk of posters that just don't want to believe it. They have made up their minds about me, and that's that. They are now on the attack and regardless of what I say, it's "you're a shitty parent, for not haven gotten her therapy up till now."


I have no idea if you've been a helicopter parent in the past. But, you're unquestionably being one now. And it's unlikely these tendencies just manifested in you when your kid gets to high school.




Yes, I realize that. In fact, I just said so in the previous post, but you still feel the need to go on the attack.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2019 09:13     Subject: Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been reading this thread for days, in addition to the other thread started by the OP.

I have rarely read more resistant and combative responses to what’s amounted to detailed help and support.

OP, why are you so angry?




The only thing I am "angry" about is the posters who say over and over that I need to get her therapy and make accusations that I have been a helicopter mom who has created this situation from interfering with her social life. I have said repeatedly that I intend to get her therapy (although she doesn't want it, which is another issue), and I have also said that I haven't been interfering with her social life previously, but there seems to be a chunk of posters that just don't want to believe it. They have made up their minds about me, and that's that. They are now on the attack and regardless of what I say, it's "you're a shitty parent, for not haven gotten her therapy up till now."


I have no idea if you've been a helicopter parent in the past. But, you're unquestionably being one now. And it's unlikely these tendencies just manifested in you when your kid gets to high school.



Exhibit A. You are exactly the type of poster I just described. You have made up your mind about me and that's that. Everything you post now will be some sort of attack. And yes, it has caused me to become defensive.


Did you even read the first sentence I wrote?

Also, do you deny your are being a helicopter parent right now?
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2019 09:13     Subject: Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been reading this thread for days, in addition to the other thread started by the OP.

I have rarely read more resistant and combative responses to what’s amounted to detailed help and support.

OP, why are you so angry?




The only thing I am "angry" about is the posters who say over and over that I need to get her therapy and make accusations that I have been a helicopter mom who has created this situation from interfering with her social life. I have said repeatedly that I intend to get her therapy (although she doesn't want it, which is another issue), and I have also said that I haven't been interfering with her social life previously, but there seems to be a chunk of posters that just don't want to believe it. They have made up their minds about me, and that's that. They are now on the attack and regardless of what I say, it's "you're a shitty parent, for not haven gotten her therapy up till now."


I have no idea if you've been a helicopter parent in the past. But, you're unquestionably being one now. And it's unlikely these tendencies just manifested in you when your kid gets to high school.




ETA, and didn't I already admit that I realize that I'm being one now?


Exhibit A. You are exactly the type of poster I just described. You have made up your mind about me and that's that. Everything you post now will be some sort of attack. And yes, it has caused me to become defensive.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2019 09:11     Subject: Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been reading this thread for days, in addition to the other thread started by the OP.

I have rarely read more resistant and combative responses to what’s amounted to detailed help and support.

OP, why are you so angry?




The only thing I am "angry" about is the posters who say over and over that I need to get her therapy and make accusations that I have been a helicopter mom who has created this situation from interfering with her social life. I have said repeatedly that I intend to get her therapy (although she doesn't want it, which is another issue), and I have also said that I haven't been interfering with her social life previously, but there seems to be a chunk of posters that just don't want to believe it. They have made up their minds about me, and that's that. They are now on the attack and regardless of what I say, it's "you're a shitty parent, for not haven gotten her therapy up till now."


I have no idea if you've been a helicopter parent in the past. But, you're unquestionably being one now. And it's unlikely these tendencies just manifested in you when your kid gets to high school.



Exhibit A. You are exactly the type of poster I just described. You have made up your mind about me and that's that. Everything you post now will be some sort of attack. And yes, it has caused me to become defensive.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2019 09:06     Subject: Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been reading this thread for days, in addition to the other thread started by the OP.

I have rarely read more resistant and combative responses to what’s amounted to detailed help and support.

OP, why are you so angry?




The only thing I am "angry" about is the posters who say over and over that I need to get her therapy and make accusations that I have been a helicopter mom who has created this situation from interfering with her social life. I have said repeatedly that I intend to get her therapy (although she doesn't want it, which is another issue), and I have also said that I haven't been interfering with her social life previously, but there seems to be a chunk of posters that just don't want to believe it. They have made up their minds about me, and that's that. They are now on the attack and regardless of what I say, it's "you're a shitty parent, for not haven gotten her therapy up till now."


I have no idea if you've been a helicopter parent in the past. But, you're unquestionably being one now. And it's unlikely these tendencies just manifested in you when your kid gets to high school.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2019 09:05     Subject: Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been reading this thread for days, in addition to the other thread started by the OP.

I have rarely read more resistant and combative responses to what’s amounted to detailed help and support.

OP, why are you so angry?


Agree, it’s a very odd response for someone who’s asked others to weigh in on an anonymous site.




Because people have made all sorts of accusations that I never said, I've gotten responses along the lines of I've kept her sheltered and she hasn't had the opportunity to develop social skills, when I've said that she's always been involved in many activities including theater. I've had posters claim that I have been a helicopter mom and interferred with her social life so that she's never had to develop social skills, and while admittedly what I'm considering doing now is definitely very helicopterish, I've never done anything like this before, and never said anything in my postings to make people think that I have. People are just making assumptions about what they think the type of mom who would request something like this is like, and putting that bias out there in their postings, even ignoring many of the things that I have said to the contrary. Yes, I did say that I'm not hopeful that therapy would work for her, and yes I still have my reservations, but I would still would like for her try it. I mean it's not like there's anything to lose by it. And I actually HAVE encouraged her to try therapy a few times in the past, but she has always been adamant about not wanting it.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2019 08:57     Subject: Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been reading this thread for days, in addition to the other thread started by the OP.

I have rarely read more resistant and combative responses to what’s amounted to detailed help and support.

OP, why are you so angry?




The only thing I am "angry" about is the posters who say over and over that I need to get her therapy and make accusations that I have been a helicopter mom who has created this situation from interfering with her social life. I have said repeatedly that I intend to get her therapy (although she doesn't want it, which is another issue), and I have also said that I haven't been interfering with her social life previously, but there seems to be a chunk of posters that just don't want to believe it. They have made up their minds about me, and that's that. They are now on the attack and regardless of what I say, it's "you're a shitty parent, for not haven gotten her therapy up till now."
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2019 08:49     Subject: Re:Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
Anonymous wrote:I can’t even imagine my mom attempting this for me in high school and if she had I would have been mortified. And for the record, I was miserable in high school. I often took my lunch to the bathroom to eat so I could be alone because I was so embarrassed to be alone in front of all the other kids. I survived. She will be fine. You need to back off.




Your situation doesn't exactly sound "fine" to me.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2019 20:38     Subject: Re:Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I completely empathize, since my daughter is the same way. Unfortunately, the school probably isn't going to be able to change the schedule just to accommodate a social request, especially since there's no IEP in place that would document that this is a need. It doesn't hurt to try though.
I would suggest instead encouraging your daughter to work with the hand she's been dealt: maybe eating lunch outside, in the library or in a favorite teacher's classroom. (My daughter's art teacher would allow her to sit quietly in the back and work on art while the teacher conducted a class.) Make sure she maintains the friends that she already has by having her invite them over, arrange fun weekend activities, offer rides, etc.
Above all, don't over-react on this, or it will just feed her unhappiness and anxiety. I know it hurts, but you don't want to inadvertently send the message that you don't think she's capable of making friends.




Thank you. This is the most realistic advice given so far.


OP we actually went through this with DD and it was very tough. The school was supportive as well as they could be and they were nice about it. They did not say we were helicopter parents; they were not mean to her or us. There wasn’t much they could do they changed one class. My DD did have a problem that we solved with medication. It’s hard to know what to do.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2019 20:19     Subject: Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been reading this thread for days, in addition to the other thread started by the OP.

I have rarely read more resistant and combative responses to what’s amounted to detailed help and support.

OP, why are you so angry?


Agree, it’s a very odd response for someone who’s asked others to weigh in on an anonymous site.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2019 19:21     Subject: Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
I’ve been reading this thread for days, in addition to the other thread started by the OP.

I have rarely read more resistant and combative responses to what’s amounted to detailed help and support.

OP, why are you so angry?
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2019 19:17     Subject: Re:Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?
I can’t even imagine my mom attempting this for me in high school and if she had I would have been mortified. And for the record, I was miserable in high school. I often took my lunch to the bathroom to eat so I could be alone because I was so embarrassed to be alone in front of all the other kids. I survived. She will be fine. You need to back off.