Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren’t fat at all but we are not thin enough for MIL. I think she is trying to get us to lose a few pounds while we visit them, as well as demonstrate her own bizarre “discipline”. She does not serve lunch and has wine for dinner mostly.

better than our situation. We go visit for a week and all they eat or serve is breakfast and an small early dinner. They come stay with us and eat 3-4 meals a day, snack constantly, and want dessert immediately after each dinner. Sweet tooth.

Haha! I relate to this too!

So what do you do when you visit and want to eat? Get a take out or go somewhere to eat out?
Honestly you all must be saints, I would not stay silent on the disparity between how they eat when they visit and how you're restricted when you visit - I would say something or stop the visits.

Yes, the last time we visited my parents, my DH got breakfast at Starbucks every morning, Panera for lunch, etc. Christmas dinner was cheese, crackers, and Christmas cookies. Afterwards we actually went out for Thai food. They are mid-60s. So it’s not like they are in their 90s, living in Assisted Living. Meanwhile, when they visited, there were three meals a day or at least a check-in about whether they wanted lunch or would plan to be out sightseeing or whatever. They are no longer flying long distances (more than 3 hrs.), so I’m not sure I’m ready to completely give up visiting them. But I’m thinking about it. I have toddlers. Sometimes stuff just gets too hard and no longer fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren’t fat at all but we are not thin enough for MIL. I think she is trying to get us to lose a few pounds while we visit them, as well as demonstrate her own bizarre “discipline”. She does not serve lunch and has wine for dinner mostly.

better than our situation. We go visit for a week and all they eat or serve is breakfast and an small early dinner. They come stay with us and eat 3-4 meals a day, snack constantly, and want dessert immediately after each dinner. Sweet tooth.

Haha! I relate to this too!

So what do you do when you visit and want to eat? Get a take out or go somewhere to eat out?
Honestly you all must be saints, I would not stay silent on the disparity between how they eat when they visit and how you're restricted when you visit - I would say something or stop the visits.

NP here. I don’t think my MIL thinks we are fat, but they are shop every day people and they only buy exactly what they need for the day (so no delicious fruit bowl for when we arrive outside an appointed meal time having traveled across the country and perhaps our 4 year just can’t wait until dinner at that point). We now bring snacks for the kids so they aren’t hangry. Then the next thing we do is take a family trip to the grocery store because we now know, after many years of this, that dinner will be one chicken drumstick and 1/6 of a can of green beans per person. My husband is 6 and a half feet tall, he would faint on the diet they try to feed him when we visit. He claims they never used to be this odd about food, and I admit it has gotten worse, but I noticed strange habits around food from the first time I visited nearly 20 years ago now. They also do what PP said and gorge themselves at our house. If it’s not nailed down it’s eaten and it seems like a challenge to them. If we’ve just gone to the Costco and therefore have a 3 pack of bacon in the fridge, they’ll see it and say “oh, lots of bacon needs to get eaten, we’ll help you take care of that.” And they will. 3 packs of bacon gone almost instantly and then they grumble wondering why there isn’t more bacon. My FIL is notorious for eating dinner ingredients. I’ve taken to putting the dinner for the night into stapled shut brown bags and writing “dinner ingredients 7/8/19” on them so that I don’t come home from work only to find the ground beef is all gone and I’ve got to run to the store or order take out to now cover dinner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, maybe I’m wrong, but I interpreted the post about the closed kitchen to mean that the MIL was in there preparing the food for the big dinner and didn’t want other people in the kitchen while she was trying to work. I assumed she had a small kitchen and didn’t have space for other people in there while she was cooking.

This is the only way I’ve heard that expression used- just that the cook needed to use the space and there was no room for other activities in the kitchen during the prep for the big meal.

Yeah, I say that to my small kids when I’m cooking dinner in the galley kitchen and want them to stay out. I may give them a vegetable or cheese as I’m preparing it though - they are more likely to taste it that way! We also say it about other rooms. Dining room is closed because daddy is cleaning up; living room is closed because the cat barfed and we have to clean it up, etc.

Never have I denied a visitor food. I have learned to keep a store of extra dried apricots and pistachios for my in laws who love to snack on them.

So guests are supposed to eat dried apricots in lieu of lunch at your. House? Crazy!!!

What? Of course not. We serve 3 meals a day pus morning snack for the small kids. If visitors want more food they can help themselves outside of meal times. But we don’t tend to have a lot of snack stuff on hand other than the stuff I know our frequent visitors want, like apricots and pistachios. My in laws can inhale bags of them. I usually shop once for the week and buy only what we need. We have a tiny kitchen, no pantry - I wouldn’t have room to store much. So I’m selective when it comes to keeping snacks or other non perishables.

Your writing style is really tedious and annoying.

Thanks for that feedback. I'll be sure to emulate yours in the future as apparently you are a paragon of self-expression.

I have written two replies on this thread (well, now three including this one). If you find a writing style tedious and annoying after two replies, you either have a very short attention span, or you are confusing others' posts for mine.

My ILs don’t “close” the kitchen but they never have any food at the house. And they all fat. I really don’t know how that possible as MIL always orders salad, eats like a bird and always judge me if I clear the plate.

I had never even heard of a "closed kitchen" until DCUM.

Sure, I've encountered homes with little extra snack food or tiny meal portions. Mostly from seniors who have limited budgets or don't realize chips can go rancid after six months or that we need a lot more calories than they do --looking at you auntie who cuts a banana in half & eats half for breakfast and the rest at lunch. I either know in advance or have just-in-case granola bars with me. Even then the kitchen was open to eat in or grab a beverage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I woke up at 6am, walked out to my clean kitchen to start the coffee and was greeted with crumbs, sticky spills, dishes in the sink and other signs that my house guests had consumed a gluttonous feast overnight while I innocently slept....

I just can't imagine how some of you are ever invited back.

How does one leap from a guest wanting a snack after dinner to them having a “gluttonous feast”?

Mostly my guests may grab a piece of toast and jam, some milk, a tea, etc. They usually clean up after themselves, but may leave a dish in the sink if the dishwasher is running.

And really, is it really that cumbersome for you to wipe up a few crumbs?

If I have just tidied up, sanitized the kitchen and started the dishwasher, the last thing that I would want is a guest eating crumbly toast and sticky jam in there and then leaving sticky plates and utensils in my sink to attract ants. I wouldn't be able to rest until that mess was cleaned up. And, given your rules, I would no sooner clean it up only to have another guest come in and start munching on something else. This is precisely why I close my kitchen between planned meals.

If you want to commune with the ants, take a piece of fruit and eat it outside.

Sanitize your kitchen? Seriously, have you tried therapy? A crumb upsets you so much that you have to sanitize your kitchen? See what I did?. I can do the same hyperbolic bs that you are so fond of. Do you come from a family with a history of alcoholism? This kind of need to control and keep things "sanitized" oftens appears in families with alcoholics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I woke up at 6am, walked out to my clean kitchen to start the coffee and was greeted with crumbs, sticky spills, dishes in the sink and other signs that my house guests had consumed a gluttonous feast overnight while I innocently slept....

I just can't imagine how some of you are ever invited back.

How does one leap from a guest wanting a snack after dinner to them having a “gluttonous feast”?

Mostly my guests may grab a piece of toast and jam, some milk, a tea, etc. They usually clean up after themselves, but may leave a dish in the sink if the dishwasher is running.


And really, is it really that cumbersome for you to wipe up a few crumbs?

+1 PP is just an a-hole who looks to be offended and judge others. Just try being a gracious, tolerant host, maybe. Don't worry, no one is going to question your authority as the neatest OCD clean freak.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren’t fat at all but we are not thin enough for MIL. I think she is trying to get us to lose a few pounds while we visit them, as well as demonstrate her own bizarre “discipline”. She does not serve lunch and has wine for dinner mostly.

better than our situation. We go visit for a week and all they eat or serve is breakfast and an small early dinner. They come stay with us and eat 3-4 meals a day, snack constantly, and want dessert immediately after each dinner. Sweet tooth.

Haha! I relate to this too!

So what do you do when you visit and want to eat? Get a take out or go somewhere to eat out?
Honestly you all must be saints, I would not stay silent on the disparity between how they eat when they visit and how you're restricted when you visit - I would say something or stop the visits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with rules like this are obviously poor (bad) hosts no matter what they say. Inviting someone to stay at your home and then strictly controlling what they eat especially if you have small kids is a message: don’t visit again. The worst are older people who keep an immaculate kitchen because they just want to drink drink drink. Your kids don’t need to be around people like that for an extended period anyway.

For your information, I am not particularly "old" nor am I a lush. Maintaining a clean and orderly home is simply a top priority for me. I learned a long time ago that by having some clear and consistent rules in place, my home stays neat. My guests know exactly where they can go to snack between meals. And I am able to relax and prepare lovely meals for them at the established (planned!) times.

So far, I have not had to install a pig trough outside as some of you might tempt me to do.

Well, I wouldn’t event tempt that thought, as it’s sure to bring rats AND ants!

I’m actually surprised you went for composters in your otherwise well appointed yard. .

Gee, you're so right! Maybe I'll just stick a straw in the compost pile for you to suck on. Bon appetite.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with rules like this are obviously poor (bad) hosts no matter what they say. Inviting someone to stay at your home and then strictly controlling what they eat especially if you have small kids is a message: don’t visit again. The worst are older people who keep an immaculate kitchen because they just want to drink drink drink. Your kids don’t need to be around people like that for an extended period anyway.

For your information, I am not particularly "old" nor am I a lush. Maintaining a clean and orderly home is simply a top priority for me. I learned a long time ago that by having some clear and consistent rules in place, my home stays neat. My guests know exactly where they can go to snack between meals. And I am able to relax and prepare lovely meals for them at the established (planned!) times.

So far, I have not had to install a pig trough outside as some of you might tempt me to do.

No you are just a bad hostess and a b****ch. for your information

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with rules like this are obviously poor (bad) hosts no matter what they say. Inviting someone to stay at your home and then strictly controlling what they eat especially if you have small kids is a message: don’t visit again. The worst are older people who keep an immaculate kitchen because they just want to drink drink drink. Your kids don’t need to be around people like that for an extended period anyway.

For your information, I am not particularly "old" nor am I a lush. Maintaining a clean and orderly home is simply a top priority for me. I learned a long time ago that by having some clear and consistent rules in place, my home stays neat. My guests know exactly where they can go to snack between meals. And I am able to relax and prepare lovely meals for them at the established (planned!) times.

So far, I have not had to install a pig trough outside as some of you might tempt me to do.

Well, I wouldn’t event tempt that thought, as it’s sure to bring rats AND ants!

I’m actually surprised you went for composters in your otherwise well appointed yard. .

Anonymous wrote:People with rules like this are obviously poor (bad) hosts no matter what they say. Inviting someone to stay at your home and then strictly controlling what they eat especially if you have small kids is a message: don’t visit again. The worst are older people who keep an immaculate kitchen because they just want to drink drink drink. Your kids don’t need to be around people like that for an extended period anyway.

For your information, I am not particularly "old" nor am I a lush. Maintaining a clean and orderly home is simply a top priority for me. I learned a long time ago that by having some clear and consistent rules in place, my home stays neat. My guests know exactly where they can go to snack between meals. And I am able to relax and prepare lovely meals for them at the established (planned!) times.

So far, I have not had to install a pig trough outside as some of you might tempt me to do.

People with rules like this are obviously poor (bad) hosts no matter what they say. Inviting someone to stay at your home and then strictly controlling what they eat especially if you have small kids is a message: don’t visit again. The worst are older people who keep an immaculate kitchen because they just want to drink drink drink. Your kids don’t need to be around people like that for an extended period anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I woke up at 6am, walked out to my clean kitchen to start the coffee and was greeted with crumbs, sticky spills, dishes in the sink and other signs that my house guests had consumed a gluttonous feast overnight while I innocently slept....

I just can't imagine how some of you are ever invited back.

How does one leap from a guest wanting a snack after dinner to them having a “gluttonous feast”?

Mostly my guests may grab a piece of toast and jam, some milk, a tea, etc. They usually clean up after themselves, but may leave a dish in the sink if the dishwasher is running.

And really, is it really that cumbersome for you to wipe up a few crumbs?

If I have just tidied up, sanitized the kitchen and started the dishwasher, the last thing that I would want is a guest eating crumbly toast and sticky jam in there and then leaving sticky plates and utensils in my sink to attract ants. I wouldn't be able to rest until that mess was cleaned up. And, given your rules, I would no sooner clean it up only to have another guest come in and start munching on something else. This is precisely why I close my kitchen between planned meals.

If you want to commune with the ants, take a piece of fruit and eat it outside.

Anonymous wrote:If I woke up at 6am, walked out to my clean kitchen to start the coffee and was greeted with crumbs, sticky spills, dishes in the sink and other signs that my house guests had consumed a gluttonous feast overnight while I innocently slept....

I just can't imagine how some of you are ever invited back.

How does one leap from a guest wanting a snack after dinner to them having a “gluttonous feast”?

Mostly my guests may grab a piece of toast and jam, some milk, a tea, etc. They usually clean up after themselves, but may leave a dish in the sink if the dishwasher is running.

And really, is it really that cumbersome for you to wipe up a few crumbs?