Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t met her kids, so I really can’t judge. They may be flexible and happy being cared for by grandma and dad and aftercare and camp. I was a sensitive and anxious child, and one of mine is similar, and this arrangement would have been a nightmare. But I know kids who live with dads or grandparents full-time, so obviously a caretaker doesn’t have to be a mother. In some countries 10-year-olds are sent to boarding school. There is no normal, just what your finances allow and what lets you sleep at night.

But I disagree with those who have complained that we would never judge a man who is a father and is never home. I think that if he were the sole caretaker and his absence meant the children had no parent at home for long stretches, we absolutely would judge him. This just virtually never happens. We’re fine with workaholic men because we assume there is a mom spending time with the kids. But if you work 12 hours a day and are the caretaker and travel a lot, most people would judge you for getting a dog, much less a child.

+1

The whole “you wouldn’t say that to a man” crowd doesn’t seem to get that no one judged high achieving men for their professional accomplishments because those men had wives at home who handled everything.

uhh ... no, we get that.

Yes, just own your decisions and stop blaming men for your situation in life. Your choice, your life.

Anonymous wrote:What a misleading title. This should have been titled “the way to excel in your career as a single mother is to have joint custody and a family member willing to act as a surrogate parent.”

Most single parents (and many married ones) wouldn’t be able to leave their own child’s birthday party because they would be the only adult in the room. It sounds like the authors mom doesn’t work at all and just steps in whenever. That’s AMAZING! And not something many people have.

Anonymous wrote:What nonsense. Change the party date. Life happens. People arrange parties around work, illness, sports etc all of the time.

My DD had one of her first college soccer games on DS's birthday. Away game & he was in school when I left. He & H had a guy's night. We celebrated with a special dinner the day before & a party on the weekend. NBD

Anonymous wrote:It wasn't about a birthday party. It was the daughter believing that her mother's presence on her birthday reflected her love for her.

There's a new video out about Delores Huerta that has extensive interviews with her now adult children. Huerta did unquestionably important work, but it was work that kept her away from her kids for long stretches of time and made her less emotionally available. As kids, her children resented it. As adults, they understand her choices but those choices impacted their relationship with her.

Bazelon's children will probably feel similarly. That doesn't mean that her choices are wrong or bad, but they come with costs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t met her kids, so I really can’t judge. They may be flexible and happy being cared for by grandma and dad and aftercare and camp. I was a sensitive and anxious child, and one of mine is similar, and this arrangement would have been a nightmare. But I know kids who live with dads or grandparents full-time, so obviously a caretaker doesn’t have to be a mother. In some countries 10-year-olds are sent to boarding school. There is no normal, just what your finances allow and what lets you sleep at night.

But I disagree with those who have complained that we would never judge a man who is a father and is never home. I think that if he were the sole caretaker and his absence meant the children had no parent at home for long stretches, we absolutely would judge him. This just virtually never happens. We’re fine with workaholic men because we assume there is a mom spending time with the kids. But if you work 12 hours a day and are the caretaker and travel a lot, most people would judge you for getting a dog, much less a child.

+1

The whole “you wouldn’t say that to a man” crowd doesn’t seem to get that no one judged high achieving men for their professional accomplishments because those men had wives at home who handled everything.

uhh ... no, we get that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t met her kids, so I really can’t judge. They may be flexible and happy being cared for by grandma and dad and aftercare and camp. I was a sensitive and anxious child, and one of mine is similar, and this arrangement would have been a nightmare. But I know kids who live with dads or grandparents full-time, so obviously a caretaker doesn’t have to be a mother. In some countries 10-year-olds are sent to boarding school. There is no normal, just what your finances allow and what lets you sleep at night.

But I disagree with those who have complained that we would never judge a man who is a father and is never home. I think that if he were the sole caretaker and his absence meant the children had no parent at home for long stretches, we absolutely would judge him. This just virtually never happens. We’re fine with workaholic men because we assume there is a mom spending time with the kids. But if you work 12 hours a day and are the caretaker and travel a lot, most people would judge you for getting a dog, much less a child.

+1

The whole “you wouldn’t say that to a man” crowd doesn’t seem to get that no one judged high achieving men for their professional accomplishments because those men had wives at home who handled everything.

Anonymous wrote:I hope all the people who think it’s indispensable for women to be home with the kids when they are young are fighting for leave policies like the kind they have in Norway, one year off paid and required by law to hold your job open for a few years if you want it back. And voting for the party that is going to make those changes.

Otherwise you don’t really care about families. You want to limit women’s lives and choices arbitrarily to maintain a patriarchal society.

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t met her kids, so I really can’t judge. They may be flexible and happy being cared for by grandma and dad and aftercare and camp. I was a sensitive and anxious child, and one of mine is similar, and this arrangement would have been a nightmare. But I know kids who live with dads or grandparents full-time, so obviously a caretaker doesn’t have to be a mother. In some countries 10-year-olds are sent to boarding school. There is no normal, just what your finances allow and what lets you sleep at night.

But I disagree with those who have complained that we would never judge a man who is a father and is never home. I think that if he were the sole caretaker and his absence meant the children had no parent at home for long stretches, we absolutely would judge him. This just virtually never happens. We’re fine with workaholic men because we assume there is a mom spending time with the kids. But if you work 12 hours a day and are the caretaker and travel a lot, most people would judge you for getting a dog, much less a child.

Anonymous wrote:I hope all the people who think it’s indispensable for women to be home with the kids when they are young are fighting for leave policies like the kind they have in Norway, one year off paid and required by law to hold your job open for a few years if you want it back. And voting for the party that is going to make those changes.

Otherwise you don’t really care about families. You want to limit women’s lives and choices arbitrarily to maintain a patriarchal society.