Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your daughter is very rude and gauche. She needs to understand that she can't treat her college professors the way she treated her high school teachers because 1. her college profs do not care about her helicopter mommy's wrath, 2. your daughter is not, in fact, as special as (you insisted) everyone allowed her to believe in high school, and 3. she is making a fool of herself and will continue to do so into the workplace if she doesn't learn this now.

I was a TA in grad school. I asked students to call me by my first name because I was not a professor. However, professors were addressed as Dr. or Professor. Even as a grad student, the default method of addressing a prof was Dr. or Professor: presuming familiarity by defaulting to first name is breathtakingly rude.

A helicopter parent would make sure their child addressed people properly.

Unfortunately this isn't the case. I teach high school. Most of my students are lovely, but I have a handful who speak (and email) with a kind of condescending familiarity that comes from parents who teach them educators are to be commanded and scorned ("We're paying customers!"). I often wonder about how this works out for them when they go to college. Now, from this thread, I know.

I also get a lot of one sentence emails from high school seniors who really should know better. Advisors and teachers have tried to talk to them about this, but it changes nothing. Will they email their college professors like this?

"Hey I'm going to be skiing with my family next week so can you send me your lesson plans for what I miss?"

"My mom said she emailed u about my grade but u didn't change it and i work relly hard on my writting so i don't know why u gave me a C"

"I think its unfair to make us read a book when theres nothing on spark notes for it. Can I read something else instead?"

Last week a student told one of my colleagues that "My parents pay your salary." This was an 18 year old. I'm sure that attitude will follow him into college.

But I actually think college must have changed a lot in 10 years. I don't think the college experience our children are having is much like our own. I feel sorry for longtime professors; some of my favorites will still be teaching, and it makes me so sad to think of students speaking to them the way they speak to us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Another professor here. I go over email etiquette the first day of class and it is in the syllabus. An initial email must include a greeting, proper grammar and formatting, and a professional sign-off. If we end up emailing "in real-time," the format can become more casual. If I don't get an initial email in the proper format, I respond back saying please use the proper format. Part of our job is preparing students for the professional world.

I also state that I will not answer any content questions that take more than a one-sentence response over email. Come to class, my office hours, or catch up with a classmate.
You wouldn't email your supervisor at work for a detailed recap of a meeting that you missed. You would find them in person or ask a co-worker.

In the US, the default is Professor. Dr. only if the student is sure the person is a PhD or MD. TAs are generally called by their first name.

Thanks for pissing away families' tuition money getting your email demands out of the way. My Lord, you sound like an egotistical hack.

Honest question: Why do you want your children to go to college?

You seem highly offended at at the idea that students should show some respect/professionalism when communicating with professors. Yet your post suggests you’re still willing to pay very high tuition, despite thinking the people teaching your children are hacks. I don’t understand how you rationalize this to yourself, no wonder you’re angry!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daughter claims basically all of her professors and faculty prefer first name basis. And that same majority are casual about emails, i.e. just say what you have to say, no need for the formal business format each email "Dear Dr. so and so, ... blah blah ... Best, kiddo."

But she casually called one professor by their first name and was sort of pulled to the side and chastised face to face. She did the same in an email response to an advisor and the advisor literally told her to meet her in the office later in the week. At the office she told her she needs to conduct herself with more professionalism. Calm down, Ms. Advisor.

Are the two outliers just obnoxious jerks or do they have a point?

In most R1 schools in America professors do not insist on Dr and first names are ok.
(This is different in Europe, and in medical schools, where the fancy titles are de riguer.)

A few stuffed shirts will want to be called Dr. You can start off that way and generally most will say “call me Steve”. Yes the two are outliers.

If a professor insists on the title, use it, and then avoid that professor in future.

Respect is earned and based on intellect and ideas, not titles.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is now in the world of academia. This is how academia works: You err on the side of respect until you are invited into a more informal relationship.

Don't like it? You don't have to stay in academia.

I have a master's degree and have worked as an administrative staff member at four universities and a law school. This is how academia is. Now you know, too.

What exactly is disrespectful about using someone's first name?

If they are your professor, and haven't invited you to, it just is.

+1 Do your kids call their grandparents by their first names? Do they call you by your first name? Do they call their doctors or teachers by their first names?

So why would you presume that their university professors are somehow less worthy of respect, or that your child is somehow the peer of a university professor?

I want to know where OP went to college that this is all coming as a surprise to her.

High school students are minors and "high school" sort of infers public school, which is free.

At boarding school, which costs lots of money, ergo you're a paying customer, most teachers like first name basis.

At college, students are 1) paying customers and 2) legal adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Imagine you need to see a medical specialist. You have cancer or something. You want and need their expertise, and that's what you're there for.

The doctor's name is Dr Robert Smith.

Do you walk in and say "Hi Robert! Just here to get your opinion on my scans. So what do you think?" or why not stop there, why not just say "Hey Bob!! Great to meet you, buddy! What do you reckon about those scans anyway?"

Dr. Smith or Robert are perfectly fine. The former is a courtesy, not at all a requirement. Is Robert going to jam your insurance for an extra $10 grand if you don't call him Doctor?

Anonymous wrote:
Imagine you need to see a medical specialist. You have cancer or something. You want and need their expertise, and that's what you're there for.

The doctor's name is Dr Robert Smith.

Do you walk in and say "Hi Robert! Just here to get your opinion on my scans. So what do you think?" or why not stop there, why not just say "Hey Bob!! Great to meet you, buddy! What do you reckon about those scans anyway?"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Another professor here. I go over email etiquette the first day of class and it is in the syllabus. An initial email must include a greeting, proper grammar and formatting, and a professional sign-off. If we end up emailing "in real-time," the format can become more casual. If I don't get an initial email in the proper format, I respond back saying please use the proper format. Part of our job is preparing students for the professional world.

I also state that I will not answer any content questions that take more than a one-sentence response over email. Come to class, my office hours, or catch up with a classmate.
You wouldn't email your supervisor at work for a detailed recap of a meeting that you missed. You would find them in person or ask a co-worker.

In the US, the default is Professor. Dr. only if the student is sure the person is a PhD or MD. TAs are generally called by their first name.

Thanks for pissing away families' tuition money getting your email demands out of the way. My Lord, you sound like an egotistical hack.

Honest question: Why do you want your children to go to college?

You seem highly offended at at the idea that students should show some respect/professionalism when communicating with professors. Yet your post suggests you’re still willing to pay very high tuition, despite thinking the people teaching your children are hacks. I don’t understand how you rationalize this to yourself, no wonder you’re angry!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Calling by first name is just so rude.

Parents pay upwards of $70,000 a year and you want our kids to walk on eggshells and bow down like plebs to liberal arts hacks? Alter your freaking narcotic.

Why would you pay $70K to an institution that you have no respect for the people that educate your children?

An adult addressing another adult by their first name isn't in any way disrespectful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Another professor here. I go over email etiquette the first day of class and it is in the syllabus. An initial email must include a greeting, proper grammar and formatting, and a professional sign-off. If we end up emailing "in real-time," the format can become more casual. If I don't get an initial email in the proper format, I respond back saying please use the proper format. Part of our job is preparing students for the professional world.

I also state that I will not answer any content questions that take more than a one-sentence response over email. Come to class, my office hours, or catch up with a classmate.
You wouldn't email your supervisor at work for a detailed recap of a meeting that you missed. You would find them in person or ask a co-worker.

In the US, the default is Professor. Dr. only if the student is sure the person is a PhD or MD. TAs are generally called by their first name.

Thanks for pissing away families' tuition money getting your email demands out of the way. My Lord, you sound like an egotistical hack.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Students should address professors/instructors in the way they (the professor/instructor) prefers to be addressed.

Everyone should be addressed the way they want to be addressed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Calling by first name is just so rude.

Parents pay upwards of $70,000 a year and you want our kids to walk on eggshells and bow down like plebs to liberal arts hacks? Alter your freaking narcotic.

Why would you pay $70K to an institution that you have no respect for the people that educate your children?

Anonymous wrote:How is calling someone who went to school for seven years to teach high level materials Dr. instead of Suzy "bowing down" and "boot licking."

I can only imagine how those posters treat anyone who is actually unlucky enough to be their employee.

I did not understand that once someone accepts a salary, they have sold their right to be treated with respect.

Hi Robert,
...
Sincerely,
Becky

vs.

Hi Dr. Smith,
...
Sincerely,
Becky

vs

Hi Professor Smith,
...
Sincerely,
Becky

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Calling by first name is just so rude.

Parents pay upwards of $70,000 a year and you want our kids to walk on eggshells and bow down like plebs to liberal arts hacks? Alter your freaking narcotic.

Anonymous wrote:Students should address professors/instructors in the way they (the professor/instructor) prefers to be addressed.