Anonymous
03/22/2019 16:20
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Also, I literally stopped making dinners. Just can't do it. Guess who stepped up to the plate to learn to cook when I said I'm fine with PBJ or yogurt for dinner? Night after night?
Anonymous
03/22/2019 16:15
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:OP here again--this really blew up! I appreciate getting so much helpful feedback!
I wanted to clarify that I am not a doctor and I make a fraction of what an MD makes (50% at best). We make enough to afford bimonthly cleaners and this has been a longstanding discussion/argument between me and DH. At this point, I don't feel I have it in me to go another round.
Also, I have definitely considered after care many, many times and what has held me back is that I negotiated my current schedule with the understanding that this would be a 40 hr/week arrangement. I have really resented the job creep and the fact that I work far more than 40 hours, hence have resisted trying to get into aftercare. But that said, it's a moot point for the next 6 months bc there is already a wait list at our school.
I did sign kids up for enrichment 1 day/week which means I don't have to run out of work every single day, starting next month, and am hoping to use that time to catch up as much as possible.
I mentioned in a prior post that DH does all of our laundry (mine included), makes dinner on weekends, runs/empties the dishwasher some mornings...I agree that I do more, but he's stepped it up. We do online grocery ordering, Amazon Prime, and takeout once a week.
I am definitely looking into more meal prep on weekends! And I wish I could say that I look amazing but the 5 days a week of working out is much more for my sanity than my body
Hey OP, my hubby didn't want bi-weekly cleaners. My mom bought it for a "gift" for us for awhile, so I got it all arranged. Then the gift disappeared and no one was the wiser. Just something that worked! We could have afforded it but it sure avoided the battle. As a full time working mom, raised by a full time working mom, I just never understood this discussion.
Anonymous
03/21/2019 13:00
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
[I am going to go against the grain here and say that you need to set some limits at work and try to be a little more efficient. I have a similar schedule where I leave earlier in the workday in order to pick up my kids at school. I am an MD, but it sounds to me like you are an NP or a social worker. I did all of the things you are doing for a while, and it’s terrible. Here are my suggestions:
1). All of your notes should be done at work. Make up some templates to make it easier, get dragon software and dictate, whatever you need to do. And B work is fine. No one is ever going to read anything but your assessment and plan, so it isn’t worth it to list out everything you discussed in your HPI. Just get it done.
2). You are not available for telephone calls after 3:30. If you negotiated this when you started, then either someone should be covering your patients from 3:30-5:00 or your patients ought to be stable enough to go 1.5 hours without intervention. People will learn quickly to start calling you earlier in the day if they are going to need something. Pretend (to yourself) that you are going to another job and you are just not available.
3). If you can, cut back to 95% and leave at 3pm four days a week instead of 3:30. That way you have time to go home, pee, change clothes, and be in mom mode before you grab the kids.
I also agree with more housekeeping and hiring someone to mow your lawn.
1). All of your notes should be done at work. Make up some templates to make it easier, get dragon software and dictate, whatever you need to do. And B work is fine. No one is ever going to read anything but your assessment and plan, so it isn’t worth it to list out everything you discussed in your HPI. Just get it done.
2). You are not available for telephone calls after 3:30. If you negotiated this when you started, then either someone should be covering your patients from 3:30-5:00 or your patients ought to be stable enough to go 1.5 hours without intervention. People will learn quickly to start calling you earlier in the day if they are going to need something. Pretend (to yourself) that you are going to another job and you are just not available.
3). If you can, cut back to 95% and leave at 3pm four days a week instead of 3:30. That way you have time to go home, pee, change clothes, and be in mom mode before you grab the kids.
I also agree with more housekeeping and hiring someone to mow your lawn.
OP again--just wanted to say, thank you so much for this. One of my MD colleagues has given me similar feedback. (And you're right, I'm an NP.) I have had a very hard time letting go of the idea that any and every patient need/issue/question needs to be handled the same day. I think so much of my current stress level is that feeling that nothing is ever done and that I have to do so much myself (at home and at work). We have a bare bones clinical staff and everyone is really overworked--so it's hard to trust that things are covered. But you are right, in the vast majority of cases, it can wait until the next day. I am also really trying to get more efficient--I use dictation but it sucks and I often have to go back and rewrite so much--but I have been trying to stay off phone/text and email and really grind when I am at work. I have recently been doing more writing and speaking and I have limited admin time for this--which is usually consumed by patient care/follow up--but am also trying to draw a hard line around that time. But I really want to keep my workweek to 40-ish hours and don't feel like I owe my employer much more than that!
Anonymous
03/21/2019 08:19
Subject: Re:Drowning as a working mom--help!
Just accept that your house is probably going to be messy unless you out your kids in charge of certain chores. They should be making their own lunches. The older one can do his/her own laundry and you can start teaching the younger one how. They should already be keeping their rooms clean. They can help strip the sheets off the beds. Make Crock Pot dinners twice a week which might leave you leftover for 2 other days. Make breakfast for dinner once a week. I am a single mom and I've taught my DS how to do nearly everything. We are working on cooking now (I hate cooking so I've dragged my feet on teaching him that). He does his own laundry (and has since age 9), empties the dishwasher, strips his bed and makes it (not very well), takes out the trash and recycling, makes his own lunch (he started in 2nd/3rd grade). He can clean bathrooms pretty well now too as well as his own room. He is 13. Stop running around and teach your kids to do it.
Anonymous
03/21/2019 07:59
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:OP here again--this really blew up! I appreciate getting so much helpful feedback!
I wanted to clarify that I am not a doctor and I make a fraction of what an MD makes (50% at best). We make enough to afford bimonthly cleaners and this has been a longstanding discussion/argument between me and DH. At this point, I don't feel I have it in me to go another round.
Also, I have definitely considered after care many, many times and what has held me back is that I negotiated my current schedule with the understanding that this would be a 40 hr/week arrangement. I have really resented the job creep and the fact that I work far more than 40 hours, hence have resisted trying to get into aftercare. But that said, it's a moot point for the next 6 months bc there is already a wait list at our school.
I did sign kids up for enrichment 1 day/week which means I don't have to run out of work every single day, starting next month, and am hoping to use that time to catch up as much as possible.
I mentioned in a prior post that DH does all of our laundry (mine included), makes dinner on weekends, runs/empties the dishwasher some mornings...I agree that I do more, but he's stepped it up. We do online grocery ordering, Amazon Prime, and takeout once a week.
I am definitely looking into more meal prep on weekends! And I wish I could say that I look amazing but the 5 days a week of working out is much more for my sanity than my body
I am going to go against the grain here and say that you need to set some limits at work and try to be a little more efficient. I have a similar schedule where I leave earlier in the workday in order to pick up my kids at school. I am an MD, but it sounds to me like you are an NP or a social worker. I did all of the things you are doing for a while, and it’s terrible. Here are my suggestions:
1). All of your notes should be done at work. Make up some templates to make it easier, get dragon software and dictate, whatever you need to do. And B work is fine. No one is ever going to read anything but your assessment and plan, so it isn’t worth it to list out everything you discussed in your HPI. Just get it done.
2). You are not available for telephone calls after 3:30. If you negotiated this when you started, then either someone should be covering your patients from 3:30-5:00 or your patients ought to be stable enough to go 1.5 hours without intervention. People will learn quickly to start calling you earlier in the day if they are going to need something. Pretend (to yourself) that you are going to another job and you are just not available.
3). If you can, cut back to 95% and leave at 3pm four days a week instead of 3:30. That way you have time to go home, pee, change clothes, and be in mom mode before you grab the kids.
I also agree with more housekeeping and hiring someone to mow your lawn.
Anonymous
03/20/2019 19:04
Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What the hell are you kids and DH doing? Why isn’t he doing all the grocery shopping and half the cooking. Also your kids are old enough to do your laundry and also cook simple meals. I was 8 when I started cooking basic stuff like tacos for the whole family. If your kids can operate IPads, cable, Netflix and computer games they can manage laundry. You don’t need to outsource you need to get these lazy folks in your house working. Your DH sounds like an ass if he won’t “let” you get a cleaners more often. Hand him the mop and tel him to have at it. My 6 year has more chores than. Tha this? Why? Because she is part of family and can contribute.
+1. You only have yourself to blame if you are doing most of the work at home and working. I don’t understand why women put up with this. If my husband expected me to do everything at home, I’d make sure to let him know he’ll no longer be seeing my paycheck hit our checking account. I’m not working two jobs.
That's what happened to me. I just couldn't do everything and quit my paying job.