My kids are teens and are well-liked. One is more "popular" and cares more about that. The other has great friends, is loved by teachers, etc., but doesn't care about being "popular." Basically my DH and I are kind, fun, inclusive, funny, etc., so that has been modeled. Also, when they were younger, we told them not to be annoying to get attention (be funny, nice, etc but not annoying/don't strive for negative attention) and to be mindful of the group, not just yourself. They both have high EQ and can read a room. People tend to like that.

Rear your children to be considerate, kind, respectful of others, honest, and helpful. As Loretta Young once said. "Beauty opens the door but after five minutes you're on your own."

I know a mom who is that type- striver but well-known/ popular bc she volunteers for everything and wants some sort of status. She knows everyone but I don’t think she has any deep relationships. What’s the point of seeking popularity ? All you need are a few ride or dies and the rest are all back ground noise. Why wouldn’t you want to steer your kids towards deep friendships vs seeking affirmation from a bunch of kids they’ll likely not even keep in touch with?

I overall think it just happens naturally-And really it’s mostly unpredictable.

That being said I remember a girl came to high school in 10th grade (had moved from out of state) and it always struck me that her actions seemed so calculated and specific. Almost like she had read a book on how to be popular/get people to like you or something (this was pre internet 🙂). I can’t fully explain it but she just had a very specific personality/way of doing things. I have never observed something like that before or after. But i’d say it kind of worked for her in that she made friends very quickly although I don’t think it had the FULL effect she was looking for just due to teenagers in general (she was fairly overweight and also very “off” looking) I think if she was generally average looking or above it would have worked for her 100%.

Anonymous wrote:Popularity is based on characteristics that are innate. The last thing you want to raise your poor kid to be is a striver, which is someone who does not naturally have the “it” factor and tries so hard it’s obvious. Please don’t do this to your kid.


This^^^^^^^

Yep. I just posted above. I felt bad for the strivers. One girl who wanted to be friends with my daughter gave her a huge box filled with jewelry. Costume jewelry but hundreds of necklaces, earrings, bracelets. Boys gave extravagant presents to some girls, I mean extravagant for a middle schooler, but girls giving big presents to girls they aren’t close to is awkward.

Anonymous wrote:get them involved in popular sports , ensure they keep up their appearances, make sure they have the latest fashion

No one should wish for popularity for their child. Well liked, kind, smart, maybe into the arts, but not part of the popular group.
I think only in teen movies and schools where sports rule over academics does sports matter. My daughter was popular and her group of popular kids only had maybe one athlete. My brother and his dorky friends were the varsity football and lacrosse players and they weren’t popular, even the ones like my brother who were recruited for college. A couple of them, yeah, but most weren’t.

The stereotypes don’t apply everywhere. Football is everything down South I’m sure they fit the stereotype.

Popularity is based on characteristics that are innate. The last thing you want to raise your poor kid to be is a striver, which is someone who does not naturally have the “it” factor and tries so hard it’s obvious. Please don’t do this to your kid.


This^^^^^^^