Anonymous
01/30/2019 00:34
Subject: Re:Stepparents, how much money have you spent on/do you spend on your spouse's children?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We merged fInances and had custody of my stepchild, so I paid for essentially 50% of my stepchild’s expenses. Mom spent almost nothing, expecting us to send money to cover everything from groceries to incidentals when stepchild visited during the summer.
I am in the same boat. Bio-mom is not in the picture except for a few visits a year and we cover everything (my DH never filed for child support). I cover my step-DD health insurance/co-pays and we count groceries as general family expense. She tells me what she prefers to eat and I buy within reason. I used to cover my step-DD activities and tutors, but stopped a few months back since it is really my DH's responsibility. I cover our two bio children daycare expenses out my own paycheck (my DH does not contribute at all) as well their other expenses--clothes, doctor co-pays, and activities. My DH does not contribute a dime from his income towards our bio-kids. He pretty much provides the roof over our head (4k mortgage), pays car insurance, electricity/gas, and trash removal. I also make car payments on all three cars, my step-DD drives one of them. I have been handed a really crappy deal and can't wait until step--DD is off to college!
Ok, how do you deal emotionally with this one-sided arrangement? I think this is what the OP is getting at. It's a recipe for resentment.
I only have to deal with it for another 1.5 years until step-DD is off to college. I go to therapy and I have iron-clad boundaries set with step-DD and DH on what I will and will not do. My step-DD is rather ungrateful child and thinks the world is owed to her and we need to dance to her tune daily. I feel sad for her at times, due to her parents not doing any actual parenting and her mom not being there for her.
Why are you even married to this man?
That is a harsh comment. He does pay for $4k in mortgage, car insurance, electrivity/gas, which could easily be another $300-$500 a month. The stepmom is a perfectly nice, kind person who is not petty. The problem I see in this scenario is that if in the off-chance that these guys get divorced, will the DH turn petty and say that the house is his only because he paid all the mortgage on it? Of course, this can easily be solved (if not already done), but putting it in joint title ownership. It's a bit odd that the woman pays for all the biokids daycare, but maybe that was the amount equivalent to the mortgage.
The comment makes no sense that the Dad doesn't provide as he is providing everything but child care and things like clothing. They only need child care because she is working and her paying kids expenses is reasonable if he's paying everything else.
Anonymous
01/29/2019 10:19
Subject: Re:Stepparents, how much money have you spent on/do you spend on your spouse's children?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We merged fInances and had custody of my stepchild, so I paid for essentially 50% of my stepchild’s expenses. Mom spent almost nothing, expecting us to send money to cover everything from groceries to incidentals when stepchild visited during the summer.
I am in the same boat. Bio-mom is not in the picture except for a few visits a year and we cover everything (my DH never filed for child support). I cover my step-DD health insurance/co-pays and we count groceries as general family expense. She tells me what she prefers to eat and I buy within reason. I used to cover my step-DD activities and tutors, but stopped a few months back since it is really my DH's responsibility. I cover our two bio children daycare expenses out my own paycheck (my DH does not contribute at all) as well their other expenses--clothes, doctor co-pays, and activities. My DH does not contribute a dime from his income towards our bio-kids. He pretty much provides the roof over our head (4k mortgage), pays car insurance, electricity/gas, and trash removal. I also make car payments on all three cars, my step-DD drives one of them. I have been handed a really crappy deal and can't wait until step--DD is off to college!
Ok, how do you deal emotionally with this one-sided arrangement? I think this is what the OP is getting at. It's a recipe for resentment.
I only have to deal with it for another 1.5 years until step-DD is off to college. I go to therapy and I have iron-clad boundaries set with step-DD and DH on what I will and will not do. My step-DD is rather ungrateful child and thinks the world is owed to her and we need to dance to her tune daily. I feel sad for her at times, due to her parents not doing any actual parenting and her mom not being there for her.
Why are you even married to this man?
That is a harsh comment. He does pay for $4k in mortgage, car insurance, electrivity/gas, which could easily be another $300-$500 a month. The stepmom is a perfectly nice, kind person who is not petty. The problem I see in this scenario is that if in the off-chance that these guys get divorced, will the DH turn petty and say that the house is his only because he paid all the mortgage on it? Of course, this can easily be solved (if not already done), but putting it in joint title ownership. It's a bit odd that the woman pays for all the biokids daycare, but maybe that was the amount equivalent to the mortgage.
Anonymous
01/05/2019 12:01
Subject: Stepparents, how much money have you spent on/do you spend on your spouse's children?
Jesus. Just more evidence of why kids get screwed in divorce.
Parents divorce. Kids have no say, have their world torn apart so others can be happy. Their happiness is irrelevant to the decision.
Parent(s) remarry. Step parent comes first, does not want to spend money on step child, making it clear that they do not consider the child a legit part of the family. If there are new biological children between parent and step parent, the situation becomes even more toxic.
BTW, the biological parent is the real asshole here, who decided his new spouse, her wants, her needs, and her kids are more important than his own child. Totally cool letting his biological child feel like a second class citizen.
No wonder most second marriages fail.
Parents divorce. Kids have no say, have their world torn apart so others can be happy. Their happiness is irrelevant to the decision.
Parent(s) remarry. Step parent comes first, does not want to spend money on step child, making it clear that they do not consider the child a legit part of the family. If there are new biological children between parent and step parent, the situation becomes even more toxic.
BTW, the biological parent is the real asshole here, who decided his new spouse, her wants, her needs, and her kids are more important than his own child. Totally cool letting his biological child feel like a second class citizen.
No wonder most second marriages fail.
Anonymous
01/04/2019 12:39
Subject: Stepparents, how much money have you spent on/do you spend on your spouse's children?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It depends on how long you have been together and how old the kids were.
The happy stores are from when stepkid was a baby and parents married a long time.
It is completely different with older kids and a bitter ex causing you grief
Agree. Older kids arent the innocent angels people like to think and the stepparent shouldn't have a financial obligation in these kinds of scenarios.
Second that. At times older kids' bio parent checks out and a step-parent ends up being stuck with the bill. Exactly my situation.