Anonymous
11/02/2018 15:42
Subject: Re:Man wanting to dance with daughter
Can’t read all the posts. Who was this guy? Another dad?
So weird.
So weird.
Anonymous
11/02/2018 15:38
Subject: Man wanting to dance with daughter
Anonymous wrote:We were at a friends house for a party and people were dancing. All adults were drinking and we knew most of the people there. At some point a grown man that we hadn’t met before the party approached our 11year old (who is clearly child and not developed at all). While she was engaged in her phone he asked if she wanted to dance and she said no. Then he proceeded to grab her arm and say, iIm not letting you go until you dance with me.
Long story short... I completely lost it.
Just wondering if my reaction was appropriate?
Yes you did the right thing and gave your DD the message that no means no! He sounds like a total creep to approach an 11 year old who doesn't know him. You're a great Mom.
Anonymous
11/02/2018 15:24
Subject: Man wanting to dance with daughter
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We were at a friends house for a party and people were dancing. All adults were drinking and we knew most of the people there. At some point a grown man that we hadn’t met before the party approached our 11year old (who is clearly child and not developed at all). While she was engaged in her phone he asked if she wanted to dance and she said no. Then he proceeded to grab her arm and say, iIm not letting you go until you dance with me.
Long story short... I completely lost it.
Just wondering if my reaction was appropriate?
Was she alone? Maybe he was being nice. I have a lot of relatives that are always trying to include everybody in whether it’s grandma or a little kid sitting alone they always try to bring them to the dance floor. Maybe you made more out of it then you should have?
Oh hell no. He was a stranger. She was on an iPhone, most of the kids I know are pretty happy to get some screen time. Most of all, SHE SAID NO.
Anonymous
11/02/2018 14:40
Subject: Re:Man wanting to dance with daughter
OP you were absolutely right. You let your DD know this was totally inappropriate and didn't leave her to fend for herself.
If you lose friends over this, who cares? If they are friends more concerned with placating a pushy inappropriate guy who is pressuring children, than sticking up for an 11 year old who is saying no, then good riddance. This is exactly the kind of crap girls, teens and women have been putting up with for years. Thank you for showing your DD it doesn't have to be like that.
If you lose friends over this, who cares? If they are friends more concerned with placating a pushy inappropriate guy who is pressuring children, than sticking up for an 11 year old who is saying no, then good riddance. This is exactly the kind of crap girls, teens and women have been putting up with for years. Thank you for showing your DD it doesn't have to be like that.
Anonymous
11/02/2018 14:24
Subject: Man wanting to dance with daughter
*Sullen teens, not drunk sullen.
Anonymous
11/02/2018 14:23
Subject: Man wanting to dance with daughter
Anonymous wrote:Overreacted if you may have lost friends. Sorry not sorry, mama Bears.
While he was wrong and it’s nice to teach your daughter boundaries, I picture a drunken uncle type guy trying to get the sullen, bored kid to socialize and have fun. I don’t picture a pedophile at a crowded party on the dance floor. It’s pretty pathetic how the majority here views every man as a pedophile.
Being a "drunken uncle" (whatever that is) doesn't give some loser the right to lay hands on a kid. Whether the kid is sullen and bored has absolutely no bearing whatsoever. Drunk sullen teens aren't "asking for it", just like girls who wear mini-skirts or who walk alone at night. Men don't get to put their hands on women and girls un-invited. Full stop.
I don't know who you are calling "mama bear," but I'm a 6'3", 200 pound male powerlifter and former MMA fighter. When I write about responding to behavior like this forcefully (i.e. with a lot more force than OP used), it's not theoretical, and it's worked out well for me the times that I've done it. I think OP showed a lot of restraint.
Anonymous
11/02/2018 14:23
Subject: Man wanting to dance with daughter
Anonymous wrote:We were at a friends house for a party and people were dancing. All adults were drinking and we knew most of the people there. At some point a grown man that we hadn’t met before the party approached our 11year old (who is clearly child and not developed at all). While she was engaged in her phone he asked if she wanted to dance and she said no. Then he proceeded to grab her arm and say, iIm not letting you go until you dance with me.
Long story short... I completely lost it.
Just wondering if my reaction was appropriate?
Was she alone? Maybe he was being nice. I have a lot of relatives that are always trying to include everybody in whether it’s grandma or a little kid sitting alone they always try to bring them to the dance floor. Maybe you made more out of it then you should have?
Anonymous
11/02/2018 14:01
Subject: Re:Man wanting to dance with daughter
Trust your instincts. Better to apologize afterwards if there was a mistake than train yourself to hesitate when something makes you uncomfortable.
Anonymous
11/02/2018 13:50
Subject: Re:Man wanting to dance with daughter
I don't think you overreacted at all, OP. You are probably a normal non-violent person in every other situation but your parental instinct kicked in and you did what you had to do. Only a person with a conscience would have a sliver of a doubt (as you do) if you did the right thing. You protected your daughter. The guy was completely out of line and hopefully, you deterred him from ever doing something like that again to a child.
Anonymous
11/02/2018 13:38
Subject: Man wanting to dance with daughter
Was your wife there and what did she think?
Anonymous
11/02/2018 13:05
Subject: Man wanting to dance with daughter
Anonymous wrote:Overreacted if you may have lost friends. Sorry not sorry, mama Bears.
While he was wrong and it’s nice to teach your daughter boundaries, I picture a drunken uncle type guy trying to get the sullen, bored kid to socialize and have fun. I don’t picture a pedophile at a crowded party on the dance floor. It’s pretty pathetic how the majority here views every man as a pedophile.
No one said pedophile. But in what world is it OK for a drunken uncle to physically restrain an 11 year old girl? It what world it it not OK to immediately physically intervene and remove the drunkard from the child's chair?
Anonymous
11/02/2018 12:57
Subject: Man wanting to dance with daughter
Anonymous wrote:If you lose friends it's because they are a bunch of enablers who think it's no big deal to get staggeringly drunk and hit on a 11 year old. Own it and know you are in the right. Sometimes it takes something like this to realize you are hanging around with a bunch of idiots. Don't go backward and apologize or minimize-- that's what women do when they put a relationship with a man above suspected abuse of their child.
Anonymous
11/02/2018 12:56
Subject: Man wanting to dance with daughter
If you lose friends it's because they are a bunch of enablers who think it's no big deal to get staggeringly drunk and hit on a 11 year old. Own it and know you are in the right. Sometimes it takes something like this to realize you are hanging around with a bunch of idiots. Don't go backward and apologize or minimize-- that's what women do when they put a relationship above a man that is abusing their child.
Anonymous
11/02/2018 12:47
Subject: Man wanting to dance with daughter
Anonymous wrote:Overreacted if you may have lost friends. Sorry not sorry, mama Bears.
While he was wrong and it’s nice to teach your daughter boundaries, I picture a drunken uncle type guy trying to get the sullen, bored kid to socialize and have fun. I don’t picture a pedophile at a crowded party on the dance floor. It’s pretty pathetic how the majority here views every man as a pedophile.
No one said that. What it sounds like is the so-called drunken uncle type physically put hands on this guy's daughter insisting that she submit to dancing (something she did not want to do and said so). This is not an overreaction. If my friends judged me for this I would consider them mere acquaintances as they put this oaf's feelings above my daughter's and my own. Especially after MeToo.
--A Mom of two girls
Anonymous
11/02/2018 12:44
Subject: Man wanting to dance with daughter
Anonymous wrote:Overreacted if you may have lost friends. Sorry not sorry, mama Bears.
While he was wrong and it’s nice to teach your daughter boundaries, I picture a drunken uncle type guy trying to get the sullen, bored kid to socialize and have fun. I don’t picture a pedophile at a crowded party on the dance floor. It’s pretty pathetic how the majority here views every man as a pedophile.
The drunken uncle guy also deserved to be pushed aside and admonished. The intent doesn’t matter. It is not okay.