Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When SIL got married my kids were in the wedding. She was open about not really wanting kids at the reception. She hired a couple of babysitters that kept the kids entertained in an adjoining room and brought them in a couple of times. Kids loved it.

Then why did she want them in the wedding? Cute Photo op?

It was something they begged for and looked forward to for the better part of a year? Was something that made them feel super special and important? Hanging out with drinking adults socializing at a cocktail hour wasn't the draw?

I personally like family inclusive weddings, and I don't think it was totally considerate to not include your girls in the reception. However, it it really something to get that worked up about?

Ask yourself honestly if this is about the girl' disappointment or your own. I'm sure they will enjoy being dressed up and a part of the ceremony. And they are invited to the other dinners.

My DD was a part of a ceremony once and she loved it. She felt super important in her fancy dress. She was included in the reception, but I know she also would have had a lot of fun watching cartoons and eating room service with a sitter in the hotel instead. I just don't think this is worth getting upset over.

Who is the sitter you are having? I think that can be a big part of your excuse. If you have to bring the kids, pay for clothing, and then get an unfamiliar sitter then I would totally have no issue saying it won’t work logistically or financially to bring them. Say that you will not have a trusted sitter so one of you will have to miss the reception anyway. If your kids are fine to stay with a resort sitter (mine would absolutely not at that age) then I think you need to determine if its still financially worthwhile to all go.

Brides and grooms are often not aware/sensitive to all the details that eveyone else has to account for. Which I totally get - they are aiming for their own dream wedding, but sometimes they’re oblivious to what others have to do to make that happen for them. Toss in a destination and it can be misery. (I’m still bitter about having to take my teens out of school, miss important personal/academic things, and spring for a Mexican vacation we did not ever want just for SIL’s showoff wedding. And she was just bitter that not enough people came and it rained nearly the whole time. So much for the dream wedding!)

A multi day wedding? I would have declined based on that alone.

OP do you actually want to go to the reception?

My kids even at 10 would have been over the whole wedding thing after all of that.

The late notice on kid free reception would bother me. If you had known from day one you could have made the appropriate decision., like not having the kids involved at all.

Now I think you just deal with it somehow. Send DH on his own maybe for the reception.

Do not sneak cake to your kids. Tell the happy couple you're taking some. Don't ask.

Disappointed kids don't have much choice but to be sad and then get over it. It really isn't about them.

Kind of a crappy situation that could have been avoided by the bride and groom being up front from day one.

Wedding party should be invited.

Non-Wedding party = up to the bride and groom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now hold on. It seems as thought there are events for two days before the wedding and the kids are invited to everything but the reception. She they'll get a chance to dress up, see family, and otherwise party with everyone except for the reception. This does ameliorate things quite a bit, and I'd just deal with it.

You are being far too rational. Don’t you know that Larla and Larla are the stars of the show and EVERYONE at the reception will be wondering where they are?!?

Oh come on. It is objectively rude to disinvite members of the wedding party to the reception after asking them to participate in the wedding. That's not feelings. That's basic manners.

This. It’s not a matter of opinion. It’s rude.

But that doesn’t solve OP’s problem. There is no way I’d go OP. I’d let DH go if he felt like it.

It's rude to invite any one of any age to a wedding ceremony and not the reception.

It's totally fine to want a child free wedding and reception. I would have no issues with this as a guest - it's completely up to the bride and groom.

And it's totally fine to host a reception for people not invited to the actual witnessing of the marriage, but that doesn't apply for the other way around.

This is just rude.

I’m generally a big supporter of the couple’s “right” to have an adults-only wedding, but this is awful. You can’t invite kids to be props/decorations in your ceremony and then force them to leave. Either have a true adults-only wedding and skip the flower girl and ring bearer OR have the sweet child attendants and they come to the reception.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now hold on. It seems as thought there are events for two days before the wedding and the kids are invited to everything but the reception. She they'll get a chance to dress up, see family, and otherwise party with everyone except for the reception. This does ameliorate things quite a bit, and I'd just deal with it.

You are being far too rational. Don’t you know that Larla and Larla are the stars of the show and EVERYONE at the reception will be wondering where they are?!?

Oh come on. It is objectively rude to disinvite members of the wedding party to the reception after asking them to participate in the wedding. That's not feelings. That's basic manners.

1. Totally rude to have them in the wedding and not in the reception. Definitely being used as props (unless OP guilted the BIL into having them in the wedding).

2. Totally rude for you to sneak them into the reception. BIL has denied your request. You must follow.

3. Why is everyone all worried about the absolute disappointment a 6 and 10 year old will have by missing the reception? Seriously? Life has disappointments. This is a minor one. They'll get over it.

4. So that leaves two options: 1. Get them a sitter in the hotel. I've done this. No big deal. 2. Leave them home. I'd do the latter. Why? First, it saves you hella cash. The money you save will more than cover the cost of a sitter. Second, you'll have way more fun at the whole weekend without having three kids in tow. Third, it'll piss off BIL that you are withdrawing the kids from the wedding photos. Win-win-win!

OP- any update!?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now hold on. It seems as thought there are events for two days before the wedding and the kids are invited to everything but the reception. She they'll get a chance to dress up, see family, and otherwise party with everyone except for the reception. This does ameliorate things quite a bit, and I'd just deal with it.

You are being far too rational. Don’t you know that Larla and Larla are the stars of the show and EVERYONE at the reception will be wondering where they are?!?

Then bride and groomzilla shouldn’t mind too much when Prop1 and Prop2 can’t make it to the ceremony. We all know what the kids were there for.

I doubt they care if the OP's kids are there or not. I think some of you drastically overestimate the scenic value of your children.

This.

There’s also a possibility they thought you’d feel slighted if they WEREN’T asked. But seriously. Some of you are acting like the ceremony hinges upon the kids’ presence. It doesn’t. Likely, no one really cares if your kids are in ANY pictures.

Sounds good to me. Weddings are expensive and boring anyway which is why I only go if they are local and my kids are invited. Makes the decision process simple! Thankfully no one is left to get married except family, and our family doesn’t do “no kid” weddings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now hold on. It seems as thought there are events for two days before the wedding and the kids are invited to everything but the reception. She they'll get a chance to dress up, see family, and otherwise party with everyone except for the reception. This does ameliorate things quite a bit, and I'd just deal with it.

You are being far too rational. Don’t you know that Larla and Larla are the stars of the show and EVERYONE at the reception will be wondering where they are?!?

Then bride and groomzilla shouldn’t mind too much when Prop1 and Prop2 can’t make it to the ceremony. We all know what the kids were there for.

I doubt they care if the OP's kids are there or not. I think some of you drastically overestimate the scenic value of your children.

This.

There’s also a possibility they thought you’d feel slighted if they WEREN’T asked. But seriously. Some of you are acting like the ceremony hinges upon the kids’ presence. It doesn’t. Likely, no one really cares if your kids are in ANY pictures.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now hold on. It seems as thought there are events for two days before the wedding and the kids are invited to everything but the reception. She they'll get a chance to dress up, see family, and otherwise party with everyone except for the reception. This does ameliorate things quite a bit, and I'd just deal with it.

You are being far too rational. Don’t you know that Larla and Larla are the stars of the show and EVERYONE at the reception will be wondering where they are?!?

Then bride and groomzilla shouldn’t mind too much when Prop1 and Prop2 can’t make it to the ceremony. We all know what the kids were there for.

I doubt they care if the OP's kids are there or not. I think some of you drastically overestimate the scenic value of your children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now hold on. It seems as thought there are events for two days before the wedding and the kids are invited to everything but the reception. She they'll get a chance to dress up, see family, and otherwise party with everyone except for the reception. This does ameliorate things quite a bit, and I'd just deal with it.

You are being far too rational. Don’t you know that Larla and Larla are the stars of the show and EVERYONE at the reception will be wondering where they are?!?

Then bride and groomzilla shouldn’t mind too much when Prop1 and Prop2 can’t make it to the ceremony. We all know what the kids were there for.