Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$30-40k is a crazy amount. Don’t ever spend more than $5-10k.

Even my poor friends have rings that are more than 5k.

You don't have poor friends. You have limited finance friends. Shame you don't know the difference.

Anonymous wrote:Bespoke band, help design it. You have a huge budget. No need tomorrow from a catalog.

*to order

Bespoke band, help design it. You have a huge budget. No need tomorrow from a catalog.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My girlfriend isn’t high maintence. She has never said she needs a ring of X value. She mentioned to her friend that she loves Asscher cut style rings, and when I did some looking, a good quality diamond and carat is expensive. Asscher cut sits lower, so 1.5-2.5 is ideal for that cut, which is expensive. She also like round. I don’t want to get her something she won’t like, but $30+ on a diamond is nuts. For reference, I make $250k and she makes $130k.

OP here. We run is a circle where majority of our friends all have rings between 1.5-3 carat. I don’t want to get her something very small.

Well, if that's your circle, that's your circle. My circle, on average, has a higher HHI, and I can't name a close friend who wears a 1.5 carat ring. To be fair, I'm not very good at estimating, but I would notice a ring that seemed remotely big. Mine is under a carat and it was a family ring.

One more thing -- there is no "ideal" size diamond.

You should find a new circle. They sound materialistic and shallow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My girlfriend isn’t high maintence. She has never said she needs a ring of X value. She mentioned to her friend that she loves Asscher cut style rings, and when I did some looking, a good quality diamond and carat is expensive. Asscher cut sits lower, so 1.5-2.5 is ideal for that cut, which is expensive. She also like round. I don’t want to get her something she won’t like, but $30+ on a diamond is nuts. For reference, I make $250k and she makes $130k.

OP here. We run is a circle where majority of our friends all have rings between 1.5-3 carat. I don’t want to get her something very small.

Well, if that's your circle, that's your circle. My circle, on average, has a higher HHI, and I can't name a close friend who wears a 1.5 carat ring. To be fair, I'm not very good at estimating, but I would notice a ring that seemed remotely big. Mine is under a carat and it was a family ring.

One more thing -- there is no "ideal" size diamond.

Does your girlfriend have very large hands?

Anonymous wrote:2 carats is just gaudy and tacky. Seriously, those rings are impractical for day-to-day life. Unless, of course, you GF plans on not lifting a finger once you're married.

I'd have to agree. I don't know many normal women who would WANT to wear something like that for everyday. Gaudy and impractical

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a gift. She either graciously accepts the gift you carefully choose, or she does not.

This is only the tip of a whole lot of life decisions that will reflect your values and priorities. Are the two of you on the same page and compatible? Best to delve into that now.

+100. Woman here.

On the other hand: it's a piece of symbolic jewelry that represents your bond to each other. It's got a lot of meaning, and she'll be wearing it every day. It is also a signal to those around you that you are together - and that this is the piece of jewelry that symbolizes that commitment.

Did you two communicate well when it came to buying it? Did you take each other's needs and preferences into consideration? Was anyone willing to compromise? Was each party gracious and giving?

Again: I am someone who wanted a tiny ring. We spent $2k and that felt like too much. We just aren't flashy people. But I can understand why these rings take on outsized importance to other people. It's ridiculous - and, frankly, misogynistic - to suggest that a woman who wants certain things is somehow a bad person who should obviously be dumped.

For me the bold part would be the wedding band, not the engagement ring.

Anonymous wrote:

It's ridiculous - and, frankly, misogynistic - to suggest that a woman who wants certain things is somehow a bad person who should obviously be dumped.

A woman who wants expensive stupid things should be dumped. That’s not misogyny, that’s avoiding a lifelong commitment to a stupid person.

But let me guess - you drive a fancy car, and covet a McMansion, but that's totally different because it's a dude thing not a woman thing.

It's ridiculous - and, frankly, misogynistic - to suggest that a woman who wants certain things is somehow a bad person who should obviously be dumped.

A woman who wants expensive stupid things should be dumped. That’s not misogyny, that’s avoiding a lifelong commitment to a stupid person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a ring she'll have forever.

Trust me, get the ring.

Fwiw, I got engaged at 23 and my husband could only afford a $10k ring at the time. 15 years later the truth is, that ring is so small! I rarely wear it anymore. I'd love to upgrade to something bigger but can't figure out how to broach the topic.

girl, bye

I knew someone would say something like this but it's all anonymous and it's the truth. Wouldn't this guy rather have his eyes opened now?

The truth is, she'll be disappointed if he cheaps out now.

And he will be disappointed later that he married a shallow, materialistic harpy. I truly hope his eyes are opened now.

+1000.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a gift. She either graciously accepts the gift you carefully choose, or she does not.

This is only the tip of a whole lot of life decisions that will reflect your values and priorities. Are the two of you on the same page and compatible? Best to delve into that now.

+100. Woman here.

On the other hand: it's a piece of symbolic jewelry that represents your bond to each other. It's got a lot of meaning, and she'll be wearing it every day. It is also a signal to those around you that you are together - and that this is the piece of jewelry that symbolizes that commitment.

Did you two communicate well when it came to buying it? Did you take each other's needs and preferences into consideration? Was anyone willing to compromise? Was each party gracious and giving?

Again: I am someone who wanted a tiny ring. We spent $2k and that felt like too much. We just aren't flashy people. But I can understand why these rings take on outsized importance to other people. It's ridiculous - and, frankly, misogynistic - to suggest that a woman who wants certain things is somehow a bad person who should obviously be dumped.

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you expect your income to rise in the next few years (thus making it easier to save for the DP)?

If yes, get the ring she wants.

If no, you should have a discussion with her about what is more important to you guys: ring/wedding or house.

Oh my g_d you guys - they make nearly $400k between them. I am one of those "we paid $2k for a ring and that seemed like a lot" type people - but other people are into fancy jewelry and that doesn't make them bad people! Yes, it's a lot of $$ - but they MAKE a lot of $$

Also, for those counseling OP to dump his girlfriend because she idly mentioned liking an expensive ring while talking to one of her friends - you guys are freaking fantastic. Great communicators, loving and supportive partners, too, I'm sure.

OP: TALK to your girlfriend. Go look at rings together and see what she actually likes. Don't assume that because she mentioned that one thing to her friend that one time, it means that's what you have to do.

2 carats is just gaudy and tacky. Seriously, those rings are impractical for day-to-day life. Unless, of course, you GF plans on not lifting a finger once you're married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a ring she'll have forever.

Trust me, get the ring.

Fwiw, I got engaged at 23 and my husband could only afford a $10k ring at the time. 15 years later the truth is, that ring is so small! I rarely wear it anymore. I'd love to upgrade to something bigger but can't figure out how to broach the topic.

Fwiw, I got engaged at 23 and could only snag a flat-chested woman at the time. 15 years later the truth, her breasts are so small! I rarely touch them anymore. I'd love to upgrade to huge implants but can't figure out how to broach the subject.

LOL!