I'd rather have it be all or nothing; in this case, nothing. At least you know where you stand, and can choose and act on what to do, accordingly.

I can't tell you how many weddings I've been to where kids are a "gray area"; oh, they're invited and we have babysitters lined up--oh, that fell through, NEVER MIND! Oh, kids are invited, but only the wedding, not the reception; except SOME kids will be at the reception. Blah, blah, blah.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand why people who hire babysitters so they can go on date nights and out their kids on day care all week get bent out of shape because they can't take their kids along to a wedding for a few hours. Hire a friggin baby sitter. It's not a big deal.

At a hotel? No. Op says a lot of people have to travel.

Yes. Ask people who live locally for recommended baby sitters. Why people think their are entitled to bring kids to their weddings is beyond me. It's bizarre - people leave their kids with baby sitters all the time but for an event like a wedding that just CANT be away from them for four or five hours?

Very few parents will leave small kids with total strangers in another city.

Which is why we travel with childcare (grandparent or au pair). If we weren't willing to pay for one more persona' travel, we wouldn't go to the wedding.

This is what we have done also, for destination weddings - we bring along the grandparents. We certainly don't expect the individuals getting married to worry about our childcare arrangements. If a grandparent can't make it and we aren't comfortable leaving our child with a sitter, we decline and send a gift. We had a kid-free wedding as well, with great turnout, and if someone declined because of it, they certainly did not tell us. Becoming a parent, has not changed my belief that young children do not belong at formal evening events such as a wedding.

I'm with the others wondering why anyone would get upset about this. We get invited to weddings that include kids and those that don't include kids. If it works out, we try to go. If we can't pull it off, we decline. No big deal.

That being said, if this is a close family member and you would really like to find a way to make it work, why don't you offer to connect with some other families to figure out some childcare options? We went to a wedding once where someone arranged fully qualified and experienced nannies from a well-regarded nanny agency with a few rooms for the kids (infants/ babies were separate). The bride and groom didn't have kids (and didn't want them at the wedding), but they knew the kid issue would be real for their friends who did and a friend offered to help coordinate. The bride says that was the best wedding gift she ever received. Win. Win. Win.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand why people who hire babysitters so they can go on date nights and out their kids on day care all week get bent out of shape because they can't take their kids along to a wedding for a few hours. Hire a friggin baby sitter. It's not a big deal.

At a hotel? No. Op says a lot of people have to travel.

Yes. Ask people who live locally for recommended baby sitters. Why people think their are entitled to bring kids to their weddings is beyond me. It's bizarre - people leave their kids with baby sitters all the time but for an event like a wedding that just CANT be away from them for four or five hours?

Very few parents will leave small kids with total strangers in another city.

Which is why we travel with childcare (grandparent or au pair). If we weren't willing to pay for one more persona' travel, we wouldn't go to the wedding.

Anonymous wrote:You can either accept or decline. It's not up to you to decide what is right/appropriate for them. If it's too "tacky" for you, then by all means, send a gift and stay at home. With an attitude like yours, do them a favor and stay away.

They owe nothing--nothing--to anyone else on their special day. They could get married in an igloo or a hot air balloon, with no guests. They could have 500+ guests, including children, to a literal circus. They could have 50 guests in a backyard. They can do whatever they want. It's about them. It's not up to you. Go or don't go.

I mean, sure you can do whatever you want, but this attitude just rubs me the wrong way. A host always owes basic consideration to their guests. That doesn't mean that you have to invite kids or whatever, and you should have the kind of event you want, but giving some thought to the comfort and pleasure of your guests is kind of a minimum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are mid 30s. We are doing "no kids" at our wedding this August because (1.) so many of our friends have kids that it could easily double our guest list and turn the event into a play date, (2.) we are paying for our wedding ourselves and don't have family help, and (3.) we want a more adult affair and the venue isn't really that kid friendly.

We will have our nieces at the wedding and they will be the only children in attendance as flower girls. I totally understand if our friends can't make it and send their regrets. We also don't expect gifts from them.

It's gross to have a few kids as window dressing. you sound awful.

OK Troll'y McTroll Troll. I'll keep your words of wisdom in mind when I'm reciting my vows LOL

RSVP "No".
Its a complete sentence.
Nobody cares what your reason is...

Anonymous wrote:OP is the worst. Complaining about how bratty and entitled her cousin is for having a wedding based on what the cousin wants, instead of having a wedding based on what the bratty and entitled OP wants. Wah wah wah!

PS kids at weddings suck. Signed, the mom of a 6 year old who sure as shit doesn't want my kid at someone else's wedding.

This makes a nice summation for the thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are mid 30s. We are doing "no kids" at our wedding this August because (1.) so many of our friends have kids that it could easily double our guest list and turn the event into a play date, (2.) we are paying for our wedding ourselves and don't have family help, and (3.) we want a more adult affair and the venue isn't really that kid friendly.

We will have our nieces at the wedding and they will be the only children in attendance as flower girls. I totally understand if our friends can't make it and send their regrets. We also don't expect gifts from them.

It's gross to have a few kids as window dressing. you sound awful.

I disagree. I've attended a wedding before where only kids in the wedding attended--not unheard of.

+1
It's quite common.

Yes, this what we did. Only children in the ceremony were invited to the reception. I hired and paid for a sitter that had a background check and CPR and made that available for guests with kids. I had a formal evening wedding and the reception ended at midnight. I didn't want a bunch of overtired kids at the party. Now that I have my own children I still feel the same way. Sometimes we get a sitter, sometimes only one of us goes, sometimes we don't go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just decline without anger. I got bullied into having kids at my wedding and it was a huge pain and really took over wedding. I think many of the families of kids want the wedding to be a chance to show their kids off etc but it is not their day. Totally get the decline but don’t be snippy seems like it doesn’t work for both sides and that is okay.

"Not their day"? You are one of those "it's my special day" types?

Not me. Our wedding was the joining of two families. No, we had not been married before, and no, we didn't have kids. But we realized that our families would be joined through us, and we wanted to celebrate that.

You're an idiot. People can have different preferences. Both are fine, and at the discretion of the bride and groom.

Ummm. Over-sensitive much? Did I say that they couldn't do it? Nope - just said that my DH and I had a different philosophy.

But I'll escalate, just to upset you more. The people who think that their wedding day is all about them are the ones who plan a wedding and not a marriage. It's one day, not the whole shebang.

NP. Um, then how do you explain people who just go to the justice of the peace by themselves?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand why people who hire babysitters so they can go on date nights and out their kids on day care all week get bent out of shape because they can't take their kids along to a wedding for a few hours. Hire a friggin baby sitter. It's not a big deal.

At a hotel? No. Op says a lot of people have to travel.

Yes. Ask people who live locally for recommended baby sitters. Why people think their are entitled to bring kids to their weddings is beyond me. It's bizarre - people leave their kids with baby sitters all the time but for an event like a wedding that just CANT be away from them for four or five hours?

Very few parents will leave small kids with total strangers in another city.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just decline without anger. I got bullied into having kids at my wedding and it was a huge pain and really took over wedding. I think many of the families of kids want the wedding to be a chance to show their kids off etc but it is not their day. Totally get the decline but don’t be snippy seems like it doesn’t work for both sides and that is okay.

"Not their day"? You are one of those "it's my special day" types?

Not me. Our wedding was the joining of two families. No, we had not been married before, and no, we didn't have kids. But we realized that our families would be joined through us, and we wanted to celebrate that.

You're an idiot. People can have different preferences. Both are fine, and at the discretion of the bride and groom.

Ummm. Over-sensitive much? Did I say that they couldn't do it? Nope - just said that my DH and I had a different philosophy.

But I'll escalate, just to upset you more. The people who think that their wedding day is all about them are the ones who plan a wedding and not a marriage. It's one day, not the whole shebang.

Way to double down.

OP is the worst. Complaining about how bratty and entitled her cousin is for having a wedding based on what the cousin wants, instead of having a wedding based on what the bratty and entitled OP wants. Wah wah wah!

PS kids at weddings suck. Signed, the mom of a 6 year old who sure as shit doesn't want my kid at someone else's wedding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are mid 30s. We are doing "no kids" at our wedding this August because (1.) so many of our friends have kids that it could easily double our guest list and turn the event into a play date, (2.) we are paying for our wedding ourselves and don't have family help, and (3.) we want a more adult affair and the venue isn't really that kid friendly.

We will have our nieces at the wedding and they will be the only children in attendance as flower girls. I totally understand if our friends can't make it and send their regrets. We also don't expect gifts from them.

It's gross to have a few kids as window dressing. you sound awful.

I disagree. I've attended a wedding before where only kids in the wedding attended--not unheard of.

+1
It's quite common.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just decline without anger. I got bullied into having kids at my wedding and it was a huge pain and really took over wedding. I think many of the families of kids want the wedding to be a chance to show their kids off etc but it is not their day. Totally get the decline but don’t be snippy seems like it doesn’t work for both sides and that is okay.

"Not their day"? You are one of those "it's my special day" types?

Not me. Our wedding was the joining of two families. No, we had not been married before, and no, we didn't have kids. But we realized that our families would be joined through us, and we wanted to celebrate that.

You're an idiot. People can have different preferences. Both are fine, and at the discretion of the bride and groom.

Ummm. Over-sensitive much? Did I say that they couldn't do it? Nope - just said that my DH and I had a different philosophy.

But I'll escalate, just to upset you more. The people who think that their wedding day is all about them are the ones who plan a wedding and not a marriage. It's one day, not the whole shebang.

And families should stick their noses somewhere than on the one day that should be about celebtraing THE COUPLE. There will be plenty of Christmases and Thanksgivings in the future to ruin with your foot stomping and arm crossing.

Is it so hard for you to give up control for one day ... or rather something like 8 hours so someone can celebrate their union in the way they want? Their wedding has nothing to do with you, if you are not looking to go there and actually celebrate it.