Anonymous wrote:Op, you are fully aware that your DH is cheating on you, has always cheated on you and always will. You can’t deal with the idea of divorce so you avoid it. Here is some advice that I hope you take seriously:
When you have had enough- maybe when you meet someone else or you get publicly humiliated by your cheating DH, or just wake up from your fog - be prepared for an ugly divorce. Your DH will be angry and spiteful. He will punish you emotionally and financially at every turn. He will turn everything around on you - making you doubt yourself and your decisions.
How do I know this? He has already demonstrated all of these behaviors. It’s all in your posts. And also I have had some experience in this department.
So, OP, be prepared. Get organized. Be prepared emotionally as well. If you can’t fathom the idea of divorce, you need to be at peace with your situation. You are married to someone who is not faithful to you. And you know it.

OP needs to stop hounding him and arguing. It's getting her nowhere plus if he is cheating he'll go to great lengths to hide it now.

OP you should start checking on him by either hiring a PI in the city he'll be. Software on his phone, or whatever it take to get to the bottom of it . If he is cheating you'll know and won't have any reservations in leaving. Still need proof imo and stop tipping your hand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^I once had a relationship with a guy like that. Wanted to be with me, loved me, but pushed boundaries and couldn’t be trusted. It was crazy-making.

Same here. Mine had romantic dates with multiple other women that "meant nothing" and tried to make me feel like I was a control freak. Good riddance.

Yes that's part of the abuse cycle. They will always blame the victim for their sickness.

OP needs to demand the traveling stops and he gets a 9-5 job. That would have been the compromise to stay.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, lot's of people stirring up drama. Including OP's husband.

Why on earth does he tell OP he is out with a young personal trainer in Vegas? Just go, stay behaved and keep it to yourself. What good does it do to let his wife be powerless and jealous?

Like, I am at a work conference. Sometimes, we have group dinners, and sometimes we go out after. And I may be out with young, attractive women who may be single and flirty. I don't tell my wife this, I just have a good time, keep my pants on and take the flirty fun to the mental rolodex.

amen brother, amen.

Op, you are fully aware that your DH is cheating on you, has always cheated on you and always will. You can’t deal with the idea of divorce so you avoid it. Here is some advice that I hope you take seriously:
When you have had enough- maybe when you meet someone else or you get publicly humiliated by your cheating DH, or just wake up from your fog - be prepared for an ugly divorce. Your DH will be angry and spiteful. He will punish you emotionally and financially at every turn. He will turn everything around on you - making you doubt yourself and your decisions.
How do I know this? He has already demonstrated all of these behaviors. It’s all in your posts. And also I have had some experience in this department.
So, OP, be prepared. Get organized. Be prepared emotionally as well. If you can’t fathom the idea of divorce, you need to be at peace with your situation. You are married to someone who is not faithful to you. And you know it.

Any update OP?

Anonymous wrote:The poor DH is presumed guilty by so many that I hope he banged the trainer and a couple of her friends. If he's presumed guilty he might as well have enjoyed it.

Yeah..... sounds like the logic a cheater would use.

Anonymous wrote:The poor DH is presumed guilty by so many that I hope he banged the trainer and a couple of her friends. If he's presumed guilty he might as well have enjoyed it.

You’re cruel.
And missing the point.
Disgusting.

The poor DH is presumed guilty by so many that I hope he banged the trainer and a couple of her friends. If he's presumed guilty he might as well have enjoyed it.

OP, how are you holding up? Did your DH come home yet?

I'm a woman who had an affair almost ten years ago. My husband and I reconciled, but after a lot of work on myself and my marriage and helping my husband heal. We are in a great place now.

BUT...if I ever went ahead and did something that even remotely made my husband uncomfortable, he would be out the door. Which is his right, I agree with him. And that is what I find most upsetting here...you told him this dinner and interactions with the trainer made you uncomfortable, and he went ahead and did things anyway. Especially considering his history. That is disrespectful and makes me question whether he truly learned anything after the last experience with affairs.

I'm sorry OP. If I were you I'd quietly start gathering information and see if it matches up with what you get told. Maybe even go in and do a couples session of training to meet this trainer. A second chance from a betrayed spouse is a huge gift...if a former wayward spouse can't appreciate that then they definitely don't deserve a third chance. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:^^I once had a relationship with a guy like that. Wanted to be with me, loved me, but pushed boundaries and couldn’t be trusted. It was crazy-making.

Same here. Mine had romantic dates with multiple other women that "meant nothing" and tried to make me feel like I was a control freak. Good riddance.

Going AWOL not right and never a good idea, whether cheating or not.

^^I once had a relationship with a guy like that. Wanted to be with me, loved me, but pushed boundaries and couldn’t be trusted. It was crazy-making.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OO, it sounds like he’s one of these guys who can compartmentalize. He probably was sincere last night in your conversation, but he also was on a path to cheat or behave inappropriately; he pushes the boundaries of what’s appropriate when he has the opportunity. The two are not emotionally exclusive.

He loves you; he wants to be married to you; he’s sincere; he’s not trustworthy.

OP here. Interesting perspective. You may very well be right. Thanks.

+1 NP.. I was thinking this, too. I think he does think it's just dinner. The problem is, he obviously can't control himself, so he can't be trusted. It's like an alcoholic. Why put yourself in a situation that you know will be tempting? He's arrogant and selfish.

If I were in your shoes, I'd wait till the kids are gone, then leave him. I would consider the marriage pretty much over. You've given him a few chances, and he still puts himself in a position to easily cheat.

Too unusual a need I meant ! In pp