I’m 48, grew up in VA (outside NoVA), come from an educated family and my parents were very formal/proper. I would never remove my shoes in someone’s home unless specifically asked to do so. I would comply, but think it’s weird. It seems a bit uncivilized.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you live in a country where the culture is to take off shoes, it's fine to expect people to take their shoes off. But if you are living in a country where that is not the cultural tradition, it is not polite to expect people who are not your own family or very intimate friends to take their shoes off.

Many people in the US see taking off shoes in public as impolite and disrespectful of others with whom you do not have a family type relationship. Respect can equal a certain level of formality to some, and walking around shoeless equals zero formality, and thus respect to them.

I wonder if it's a regional thing. My dad's family is from the midwest (Michigan) and never take their shoes off. I was raised in Philadelphia and all my East Coast friends and cousins were raised to take their shoes off. My West Coast friends, the same. Plus, many of us studied abroad in Asia (Japan for me) which cemented the custom even further. The posters who are insisting that leaving shoes on is American culture -- where are you from and how old are you?

Grew up in the Northeast; raised by a Southern dad (a very formal guy) and Midwestern mom. I'm 52.

I also write thank-you notes, insist on (almost) nightly family dinners in the dining room, and don't think children should call adults by their first names until the adults ask.

Anonymous wrote:I don't eat pork or drink wine. If I go to someone's house and the menu includes pork and wine, I don't make a stink about it and declare I am leaving because those things make me uncomfortable. That would be rude. I just avoid them. It's not like an allergy which is actually health-threatening.

And some people avoid taking their shoes off.

It's not having different preferences that's a problem. It's insisting that other people adhere to your preferences even if it makes them uncomfortable that is.

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre attitude. Oh germs are everywhere, so I guess you don’t care if I change my baby’s poop diaper on your bed or couch right?

This. Saying that outside the house is dirty so why not let your kids roll around in filth inside the house too is just ridiculous.

I could say that you poop, right? And so poop is already inside you and touching you, and so you won't mind if my toddler makes a bit of a mess in the bathroom and I don't clean it up or you won't mind if I change my baby's diaper anywhere I want in your house - including kitchen benches, right? since you're already exposed to some germs anyway so it doesn't matter?

I'm still wondering what people do about dinner parties and more formal events. Can a 'shoes off' person reply?

Ask, a sign is rude.

Anonymous wrote:I think if you live in a country where the culture is to take off shoes, it's fine to expect people to take their shoes off. But if you are living in a country where that is not the cultural tradition, it is not polite to expect people who are not your own family or very intimate friends to take their shoes off.

Many people in the US see taking off shoes in public as impolite and disrespectful of others with whom you do not have a family type relationship. Respect can equal a certain level of formality to some, and walking around shoeless equals zero formality, and thus respect to them.

I wonder if it's a regional thing. My dad's family is from the midwest (Michigan) and never take their shoes off. I was raised in Philadelphia and all my East Coast friends and cousins were raised to take their shoes off. My West Coast friends, the same. Plus, many of us studied abroad in Asia (Japan for me) which cemented the custom even further. The posters who are insisting that leaving shoes on is American culture -- where are you from and how old are you?

I always shoes or sandals in my house and never ask people to take theirs off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Hrm. How would you refuse to enter, politely? No snark, seriously curious. "Sorry, Judy, since you're a shoe-free household, and I refuse to remove my shoes, I'll just sit out this party?"

Not the PP, but I'd just say, "Sorry, I didn't understand from the invitation that shoes were forbidden. But your house, your rules, right? Anyway, I wouldn't be comfortable without shoes, so I'll just be off. Have fun!"

You can certainly do that. But don't kid yourself that it's either polite or excusable. You'll never be invited to that place again, that's for sure.

Who are you people who can't bear to remove their shoes for 2 hours? I don't get it.

Why would someone who needs to wear shoes care about not being invited back to a place where they can't? And why is it ruder to pass on an invitation you don't want than to demand someone accept its terms (and fully disclose what those terms are at the time the invitation is issues)?

I think this is the great divide: Do hosts owe their guests the accommodation of mopping the floors after the guests leave, or do guests owe their hosts the accommodation of being uncomfortable rather than inconveniencing the host?

Maybe because they'd like to socialize with the host? I don't eat pork or drink wine. If I go to someone's house and the menu includes pork and wine, I don't make a stink about it and declare I am leaving because those things make me uncomfortable. That would be rude. I just avoid them. It's not like an allergy which is actually health-threatening.

In any event, I don't insist people remove their shoes. Certainly if someone really needs their shoes or think they do, I'm not going to insist they take them off. But we do have a non-shoe house and if people ask if I prefer they remove their shoes, I say yes, thanks. And nearly everyone does ask since it's obvious from the shoe cabinet that we are a no-shoe house. Never has this been a problem in real life.

I'm European and everyone takes their shoes off in my house.

Anonymous wrote:I give people options: remove shoes and use the provided spa slippers that they can take home with them, remove shoes and be barefoot/socks, or keep shoes on but wear shoe covers. Is this rude??

. Yes and a bit OCD

Anonymous wrote:I'm white and if the no shoe sign is rude then count me in. I have a sign on my back door leading into the garage where I only let people enter. If by some chance someone does not do what I ask I automatically ask Do You Like To Mop ? while staring at their shoes.

I bought shoe covers for anyone needing to do some work in the house. So far no one declined to put them on.

Honestly, I don't care if someone is offended. If they are, don't come over.

I would use the show covers, but I would not take off my shoes- too much pain.

Anonymous wrote:I'm white and if the no shoe sign is rude then count me in. I have a sign on my back door leading into the garage where I only let people enter. If by some chance someone does not do what I ask I automatically ask Do You Like To Mop ? while staring at their shoes.

I bought shoe covers for anyone needing to do some work in the house. So far no one declined to put them on.

Honestly, I don't care if someone is offended. If they are, don't come over.

Why on earth would anyone want to come over? The nasty clearly runs deep in you.

Anonymous wrote:I think if you live in a country where the culture is to take off shoes, it's fine to expect people to take their shoes off. But if you are living in a country where that is not the cultural tradition, it is not polite to expect people who are not your own family or very intimate friends to take their shoes off.

Many people in the US see taking off shoes in public as impolite and disrespectful of others with whom you do not have a family type relationship. Respect can equal a certain level of formality to some, and walking around shoeless equals zero formality, and thus respect to them.

But if the people you are attempting to respect are asking you to take off your shoes, how is it respectful to them not to? "Sachiko, I have too much respect for you to take off my shoes, even though you want me to". That makes no sense at all.

Anonymous wrote:Asian here- Guests in our culture know to remove their shoes when visiting friends and family (especially in the winter). On occasion we have visitors who do not take them off when visiting; is it rude to ask them to take their shoes off or perhaps have a sign outside our door or unside our home? What do you do in your home?

Do you provide inside shoes with support? I cannot walk with socks or bare feet.