Anonymous wrote:Op here. This shouldn’t even matter NOW.

Even if I snuck around or was given blatant permission, it’d accomplish nothing. I’d feel bad, remorseful, and petty. There was a time and place to live this exp out and that time has passed. I’m a husband, father, grown (?) man now that shouldn’t play the muck that this topic represents.

I agree with the pp who recommended therapy. It seems you're fixating on this one aspect of your (past) life, but you sound regretful in general -if that makes sense. Talking with a therapist can help you sort out what's at the root of your feelings. There are hints of depression in your various posts here. You owe it to yourself to make an effort to feel better. Good luck, op.

Op here. This shouldn’t even matter NOW.

Even if I snuck around or was given blatant permission, it’d accomplish nothing. I’d feel bad, remorseful, and petty. There was a time and place to live this exp out and that time has passed. I’m a husband, father, grown (?) man now that shouldn’t play the muck that this topic represents.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m making my issues my wife’s and it’s messed up. I understand. I’m just deeply hurt - pain is coming from the fact I didn’t sow my oats to validate or reaffirm confidence from external sources, which is unhealthy. And I judge this issue against societal norms (much casual sex, high notches in bed posts) and it suggests I’m abnormal, unaccomplished, unmanly, and not worthy. That’s the pain. Foolish and childish as it is.

I shared my # - wife didn’t care but a bit surprised. Said she had regret and wished she was me. I wish I was her.

You should talk to a therapist. Seriously, not being snarky. You're caught in a negative loop on this and I don't think you can get out without outside help.

Op here. I’m making my issues my wife’s and it’s messed up. I understand. I’m just deeply hurt - pain is coming from the fact I didn’t sow my oats to validate or reaffirm confidence from external sources, which is unhealthy. And I judge this issue against societal norms (much casual sex, high notches in bed posts) and it suggests I’m abnormal, unaccomplished, unmanly, and not worthy. That’s the pain. Foolish and childish as it is.

I shared my # - wife didn’t care but a bit surprised. Said she had regret and wished she was me. I wish I was her.

OP. - stop reading MRA bullshit on the internet late at night. Just stop. “Made you wait” “cuck / foolish” “cold approach”

You are having some sort of midlife crisis where you are mourning the 20s you never had. Now you have some money and status and your wife doesn’t fawn over you or put out like a dumb bimbo trophy wife.

Go to therapy before you blow up your marriage and your kids’ lives over your fragile ego.

Anonymous wrote:OP wants anal. She may have tried it in the past but it's painful, uncomfortable and not healthy. He's trying to blackmail her into it because of her past. No. Just no.

Hahaha. He would dare to even hint.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wife wanted to know how many sexual partners I’ve had. I didn’t answer. She assumed it was more than her. She’d laugh (?) if it were 2 very short term flings, no? When she asked my stomach dropped. I’m so crushed by this past of mine.

And there it is. The crux of the issue.

“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”

? Margaret Atwood

This is such a BS quote that "feminists" thrown around too often. Men are not afraid of being laughed at. They are afraid of false accusations or being made to look like the bad guy.

OP is literally calling his wife (and mother of his 2 kids) a slut and invoking her dating past prior to a 13 year marriage in a clear attempt to justify stepping out on said marriage. Above, he opines that she might laugh at his true sexual past (highly unlikely). If that's not evidence of toxicity of the male ego I don't know what is.

Also, if you think this quote is BS you should spend more time with women. Try listening when you do it. It may help you.

You're obviously only concerned with the female side of that quote. It's the male side that is incorrect, where Atwood projects her own cartoonish idea of how men supposedly think.

Not at all. The male side rings just as true. Why do you think the quote is so oft repeated? And here's the good news: it's not all men, and thank God for that. But men who marry a woman (who he preferred to have "plucked from a convent"? You can't make this stuff up...), claim to accept their past, have two children, then do a 180 over a decade later in an attempt to pursue female attention (and "plenty of it!")? And recount the story by calling her a "slut"? Sweet Jesus. That's a guy whose self-image is a mess. And exactly the type to whom this quote is directed.

Anonymous wrote:OP wants anal. She may have tried it in the past but it's painful, uncomfortable and not healthy. He's trying to blackmail her into it because of her past. No. Just no.

Yep, this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wife wanted to know how many sexual partners I’ve had. I didn’t answer. She assumed it was more than her. She’d laugh (?) if it were 2 very short term flings, no? When she asked my stomach dropped. I’m so crushed by this past of mine.

And there it is. The crux of the issue.

“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”

? Margaret Atwood

This is such a BS quote that "feminists" thrown around too often. Men are not afraid of being laughed at. They are afraid of false accusations or being made to look like the bad guy.

OP is literally calling his wife (and mother of his 2 kids) a slut and invoking her dating past prior to a 13 year marriage in a clear attempt to justify stepping out on said marriage. Above, he opines that she might laugh at his true sexual past (highly unlikely). If that's not evidence of toxicity of the male ego I don't know what is.

Also, if you think this quote is BS you should spend more time with women. Try listening when you do it. It may help you.

You're obviously only concerned with the female side of that quote. It's the male side that is incorrect, where Atwood projects her own cartoonish idea of how men supposedly think.

OP wants anal. She may have tried it in the past but it's painful, uncomfortable and not healthy. He's trying to blackmail her into it because of her past. No. Just no.