Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a societal construct, not a romantic one. Its purpose is to accumulate shared assets and raise children. When you exit this contract, you incur costs in the assets and children line items. Again, not sure why you find it so objectionable to see this fact spelled out.

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Plenty of men are happy enough with their main relationship not to want to leave, but want sexual variety badly enough to cheat. Men don't really want to leave their marriages over every woman they sleep with. The wive/non-wife line is very bright in the minds of most men.

What a breath of fresh air, someone who gets it.

So, with this understanding, why make sexual fidelity the seeming be all and end all of marriage? Why not be monogomish? Are you really going to upend a lifelong marriage where you have kids, assets, etc. over one partner parking his car in another garage or allowing someone else to park in that garage?

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Anonymous wrote:There is more to marriage than the person. I am not sure whether my husband would regret divorcing me. The thing is, though, that being married to me comes with a package of uninterrupted access to his children, a nice bundle of joint assets, the social status of being married to me, and a whole bunch of extras. That, I know, he would hate to lose. So in that sense, he would absolutely regret it, and for that reason, he will never divorce.

You sound like a potential abuser. You sound like self-aggrandizing jerk!

Why? I share an observation, not a judgment. Total assets are better than one half, all the time with the kids is better than part of it.

Reread the bolded. You think you are God's great gift to men. What, exactly, do you get from your marriage to DH? And why, if you divorced, would he not get "uninterrupted access to his children?" Why assume that you would have primary custody? Enter the 21st century, please.

Anonymous wrote:Reading through this thread, it's not the men who are bitter, but the women. The women on DCUM think they are somehow God's gift to men - perfect bodies that can wear yoga pants (that's the white women anyway), have multiple degrees or are partners in law firms and are the best moms on the face of the planet and any many that would divorce such a woman is obviously a loser.

Sorry to break it to you ladies, but if you can't be a loving and respectful wife to your husband, he will leave. No man (or woman for that matter) needs to spend their life with someone who makes them miserable.

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Plenty of men are happy enough with their main relationship not to want to leave, but want sexual variety badly enough to cheat. Men don't really want to leave their marriages over every woman they sleep with. The wive/non-wife line is very bright in the minds of most men.

What a breath of fresh air, someone who gets it.

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Anonymous wrote:There is more to marriage than the person. I am not sure whether my husband would regret divorcing me. The thing is, though, that being married to me comes with a package of uninterrupted access to his children, a nice bundle of joint assets, the social status of being married to me, and a whole bunch of extras. That, I know, he would hate to lose. So in that sense, he would absolutely regret it, and for that reason, he will never divorce.

You sound like a potential abuser. You sound like self-aggrandizing jerk!

Why? I share an observation, not a judgment. Total assets are better than one half, all the time with the kids is better than part of it.

Anonymous wrote:Any stories about a guy who left his marriage on a whim, but later regretted it? Maybe delusional? Thought he could do better, then found out that was not the case?

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Plenty of men are happy enough with their main relationship not to want to leave, but want sexual variety badly enough to cheat. Men don't really want to leave their marriages over every woman they sleep with. The wive/non-wife line is very bright in the minds of most men.

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Anonymous wrote:Ok.... My husband left me and the kids. Walked out the door for his mistress. He told me he regrets it. He doesn't cry himself to sleep every night (I don't think), he made peace (to some degree?) with the fact he pretty much f-ed up his life. We are friends.

Another story from a woman. I wonder what he would tell me if I met him in a bar.

You do realize that the story he tells you at the bar may not be the truth either, right? Most people don't like to admit when they have made a mistake, so they put on a happy front.

My ex told me on numerous occasions that he felt like our divorce was a mistake and that he wanted to get back together-- he cheated and he filed for the divorce. He never got back on his feet after the divorce (we had a 50/50 split so there was no child support) and he died from heart disease exactly two years after we split. He was only 44 at the time of his death.

I thrived after the divorce and would have never gone back to him.

Same thing with my SIL. Her husband stupidly left her at age 50 for another woman. The other woman was broke having gone through bankruptcy and a divorce with her husband. I don't think SIL's husband researched her. Nasty divorce. He wanted the new tart and the home that was paid off. Judge gave her the home since she had the kids, and took less of the retirement. Home really appreciated. He and the new woman almost had to start over. Not a good age to do that. The OW ended up dying of a heart valve problem, and he died 3 years after that. He also tried to get back with SIL, but she refused his calls. Never talked to him after the divorce. He wasn't even invited to the sons wedding.

A lot of people don't factor in health problems, or changes in the job market etc. There's a reason 2nd marriages fail at a greater rate.

Wow, your SIL did a fantastic job alienating the children so that they didn't even invite their own father to the wedding.

lol He was grown fyi. The ex cheater alienated many by his actions.

So kids unlearn the alienation when they turn 18?

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Anonymous wrote:I think men regret divorces if they caused them by cheating, abuse, etc. Men are more likely than women to cheat when there isn't a relationship problem, out of just straight-up opportunism. Women usually don't cheat unless they unhappy with the relationship.

Oh bullshit. It requires a lot of effort for a man to cheat. He's got to make it happen. All women have to do is say yes to any of the approaches they constantly receive.

If a man cheats, it means he is not happy with the relationship. True, he might not want to leave his wife, but plenty of women also cheat who don't want to get a divorce for various reasons.

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Anonymous wrote:There is more to marriage than the person. I am not sure whether my husband would regret divorcing me. The thing is, though, that being married to me comes with a package of uninterrupted access to his children, a nice bundle of joint assets, the social status of being married to me, and a whole bunch of extras. That, I know, he would hate to lose. So in that sense, he would absolutely regret it, and for that reason, he will never divorce.

sounds like you are the type to use kids as a weapon.

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Anonymous wrote:There is more to marriage than the person. I am not sure whether my husband would regret divorcing me. The thing is, though, that being married to me comes with a package of uninterrupted access to his children, a nice bundle of joint assets, the social status of being married to me, and a whole bunch of extras. That, I know, he would hate to lose. So in that sense, he would absolutely regret it, and for that reason, he will never divorce.

You sound like a potential abuser. You sound like self-aggrandizing jerk!

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Anonymous wrote:Statistically, men who divorce end up with women identical to or similar to the women they married in the first place. They repeat the same issues over and over because they refuse to do the work to address their own issues or understand why they are drawn to certain women.

Statistically, men who divorce end up with second wives who are on average 8 years younger.

and likely the same or identical in personality to the first wife - which is why most second marriages end in divorce.

No, not in my experience. All my divorced male friends who remarried are with the exact opposite (looks, and personality) from their exes. One of those friends is getting close to his 25th anniversary with wife #2, and one is at his 15th anniversary with wife #2. 100 percent of these friends report relationship #2 is night-and-day better.

Speaking just for myself, it has amazed me how kind my girlfriend is. She is the exact opposite from my ex-wife. My new love never has a tantrum, never gaslights, never does guilt trips, never calls me names, never uses sex as a weapon, never nags, and she makes as much as me and owns her own house and investment property. Plus she is younger and thinner than the ex and has family money.

I think I'm going to write a book about divorced men, their miserable lives with their shrews, and their happily ever after lives after divorce.

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Anonymous wrote:The vast majority of guys in the world can't live without a woman.

And the vast majority of women in the world can't live without a man. So your point is... ?

Actually, once they stop wanting kids, they largely want to be left alone.