Anonymous wrote:Against it because I'm a Christian and such an arrangement is dishonoring to God.

Anonymous wrote:I told all of my kids to live together before marriage, and to make sure to use reliable birth control. Get to know your partner first and don't have a baby before you're ready. My adults have listened to me, and it has worked well.

Anonymous wrote:

I think that it’s fun to maintain two residences when you are dating and then to move in together after marriage.
Those early dreamy days of adjusting to our new lives together was pretty exciting. The stresses of setting up a new life together are best saved for a committed relationship as well.

You want a dramatic beginning to your marriage. Just like in a movie!

Anonymous wrote:

I think that it’s fun to maintain two residences when you are dating and then to move in together after marriage.
Those early dreamy days of adjusting to our new lives together was pretty exciting. The stresses of setting up a new life together are best saved for a committed relationship as well.

You want a dramatic beginning to your marriage. Just like in a movie!

I think that it’s fun to maintain two residences when you are dating and then to move in together after marriage.
Those early dreamy days of adjusting to our new lives together was pretty exciting. The stresses of setting up a new life together are best saved for a committed relationship as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's going to be different for every person and for every couple. Some people would be smart to live together first, others may be better off not. There really isn't a right answer on this one.

For me personally, I lived with a partner in a LTR before we eventually split and I met and married DH. Leaving someone you live with is incredibly challenging. Even if you are able to resist relationship inertia, there are financial and logistical considerations that make it that much harder to break up when you live together. I was in an abusive relationship much longer than I otherwise would have been - like, years longer - if I hadn't had to overcome those practical challenges.

If you had gotten yourself entangled in the guy's finances - cosigned for his car loan, kept him afloat during episodes of joblessness, leased furniture with him, that sort of thing, I can see how it would have been difficult for you to extricate yourself from that situation. Ideally, you don't get all financially wrapped up with each other unless you know how that person handles responsibility and his money.

FWIW, I had a boyfriend try to persuade me to cosign on a car loan for him and he also used my credit card w/o my permission and wrote checks on my bank acct w/o my permission (I put an abrupt end to that sh*t when I found out about it). He couldn't hold a job to save his life. Thankfully I did not ever share a place with that guy nor did I cosign any loans with him. If I had, that would have been pretty disastrous for me. I honestly don't know what my life would look like now if I had allowed that. You have got to look out for yourself. People who are financially irresponsible with their own money and credit will sometimes try to take you down with them.

On an up note, the boyfriend that I did share a place with was on the same page with me financially which is vitally important. If things hadn't worked out between us, we really could have just walked away from each other. By the time I purchased a house with him I considered him to be a good investment partner. It doesn't sound too romantic, but having the ability to trust someone like that is just the most amazing thing ever. Especially after what the last boyfriend had put me through, KWIM?

NP here. I take your point, especially because I have a good friend who ended up $40k in debt after her live-in boyfriend took out credit cards in her name and ran up huge charges.

However, in my case, my LTR wasn't some deadbeat or cheat. He was very financially responsible, but moved into a home I owned. Do you know how hard it is to evict? And it's not like I could move out. I had to wait for him to decide to go on his own. Ironically, he waited to do that until he had saved enough money for a down payment on his new place because he wanted to make smart decisions.

Being financially responsible and having a financially responsible partner may protect you against some of the problems of living together, but certainly not all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's going to be different for every person and for every couple. Some people would be smart to live together first, others may be better off not. There really isn't a right answer on this one.

For me personally, I lived with a partner in a LTR before we eventually split and I met and married DH. Leaving someone you live with is incredibly challenging. Even if you are able to resist relationship inertia, there are financial and logistical considerations that make it that much harder to break up when you live together. I was in an abusive relationship much longer than I otherwise would have been - like, years longer - if I hadn't had to overcome those practical challenges.

If you had gotten yourself entangled in the guy's finances - cosigned for his car loan, kept him afloat during episodes of joblessness, leased furniture with him, that sort of thing, I can see how it would have been difficult for you to extricate yourself from that situation. Ideally, you don't get all financially wrapped up with each other unless you know how that person handles responsibility and his money.

FWIW, I had a boyfriend try to persuade me to cosign on a car loan for him and he also used my credit card w/o my permission and wrote checks on my bank acct w/o my permission (I put an abrupt end to that sh*t when I found out about it). He couldn't hold a job to save his life. Thankfully I did not ever share a place with that guy nor did I cosign any loans with him. If I had, that would have been pretty disastrous for me. I honestly don't know what my life would look like now if I had allowed that. You have got to look out for yourself. People who are financially irresponsible with their own money and credit will sometimes try to take you down with them.

On an up note, the boyfriend that I did share a place with was on the same page with me financially which is vitally important. If things hadn't worked out between us, we really could have just walked away from each other. By the time I purchased a house with him I considered him to be a good investment partner. It doesn't sound too romantic, but having the ability to trust someone like that is just the most amazing thing ever. Especially after what the last boyfriend had put me through, KWIM?

Anonymous wrote:I think that it’s fun to maintain two residences when you are dating and then to move in together after marriage.
Those early dreamy days of adjusting to our new lives together was pretty exciting. The stresses of setting up a new life together are best saved for a committed relationship as well.
That being said people should spend a lot of nights together before marriage - both at their apartments/homes and on trips together.

But really whatever my kids want to do is fine with me - it’s their lives. It’s strange that your mom would have such strong opinions about how you conduct your life. Do you keep asking for her approval or something?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who live together before marriage have a 33 percent greater chance of divorce.

This doesn't mean that a greater percentage of couples that don't live together prior to marriage actually end up happily married. It just means that a smaller percentage of these couples get divorced -- probably because couples who do not live together prior to marriage are far more likely to be religious/ belong to religious communities & come from highly religious families that frown on divorce than couples that do not live together prior to marriage.