Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a first time mom at 43 (!) with one and only DD. I'll be 62 by the time she goes to college. I've had a 20-year career, and am most recently C-level at a large company. I feel like I've achieved the highest point of my career, and I could be doing the same thing for 20 years before retiring. Or start my own company, which would have its own trajectory. Obviously I've wanted DD for a long time, and love spending time with her. When she gets older, I could go back to work PT, or freelance, or volunteer. Has anyone go from SAHM to retirement and any tips?

Haven’t read any other replies. But, are you me?? Except I did it! Couldn’t be happier.

I've been thinking about starting a similar thread. I"m 45, earned a lot of money already, saved most of it and due to two young kids, one with a labor-intensive condition, I'm seriously thinking about "retiring" or staying at home or living off the money I already earned/saved. My problem, fear of loosing my self-definition. I even know what I want to do in the volunteer space. Actually, my DH doesn't want me to which is bothersome because we can live off his income and since we've met, I've earned 1/3 more than him. For example, he earns 200K and our mortgage is less than most apartments.

I think your DH has to be on board for you to be a SAHM. Sounds like you are and were always the higher earner.

How old are your kids?
Could you do a lateral more flexible job?

I’m the 40yo pp. DH likes me staying home because he can focus on his career. He doesn’t have to stress out about picking up the kids on time or whether he will need to call out tomorrow because school might be closed because it is too cold.

Read this carefully. Many men want their wife to stay home simply so their own life is easier. Having a SAHM benefits the man more than the woman. He’s out there with his own identity and contributing to retirement accounts that are in his name only. His career options and salary continue to grow. You’re stuck at home and your identity is working for your spouse and children as a cook, nanny, maid, party planner, etc. He’s in the outside world and you’re trapped behind the scenes. Oh wait volunteer work....more unpaid labor that benefits men.

If you’re an ambitious woman who likes to stay busy you most likely won’t enjoy staying home.

You must not have kids. I have an Ivy League masters and have worked in stem for 15 years, a tough but interesting field, and for me ‘behind the scenes’ is anywhere my kids are not! My coworkers are not the most important validators in my life. they will not show up in my hospital room or at my funeral. Professional accomplishments are great, but they are no match for raising my kids or taking care of family members in need, and that’s true for both me and my husband.
Your presumption that this work is inferior and for the ‘non-ambitious’ is inherited from a legacy of devaluing work traditionally done by women. Why have you agreed to undervalue it? You really want to be promoting that agenda?

Well said.
Another perspective - I am a very well qualified woman who is now a SAHM. I work for my family and kids. I have no interest in contributing to fill the coffers of somebody else, I would rather contribute to the growth and wellbeing of my children and family. This positions comes from both DH and I understanding the value of a highly educated mother raising the children or managing the household.

I think the discussion for and against being a SAHM or WOHM mainly comes from where we all are in the hierarchy of needs. If you trying to meet the basic needs either physiological (mortgage, food, medicine, transportation) or the safety needs (college, retirement, home, fear of being left with nothing in case of divorce/prenup, abusive marriage, single parent) then it makes sense to continue working. For at least the DCUM SAHMs in my circle - we all have wealth, education, connections, domestic staff (part time at least), stable marriages, our own money, no pre-nups, high achieving healthy children. This means that being at home to make sure that everyone is looked after (spouse, kids, parents, family, property, wealth, social connections, mental health, physical health, career growth, relationships) makes a lot of financial and evolutionary sense. I also get to facilitate and meet my families psychological and self-fulfilment needs because I can be there to take care of the basic needs.

People can choose to work or stay at home for psychological and self-fulfillment needs, but those kinds of people are rare. Mostly around the world people are working for basic needs and even staying home to meet the basic need of childcare and household management.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, being a sahp is hard work but it's not an occupation because it's your own children. Just like cleaning your own toilet doesn't make you a professional cleaner. Or cooking your own dinner doesn't make you a professional chef.

I can’t believe I’m arguing that being a SAHM is not an occupation. This is really comical.

I’m an exhausted SAHM of 3 young kids. I am beyond tired. Haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a first time mom at 43 (!) with one and only DD. I'll be 62 by the time she goes to college. I've had a 20-year career, and am most recently C-level at a large company. I feel like I've achieved the highest point of my career, and I could be doing the same thing for 20 years before retiring. Or start my own company, which would have its own trajectory. Obviously I've wanted DD for a long time, and love spending time with her. When she gets older, I could go back to work PT, or freelance, or volunteer. Has anyone go from SAHM to retirement and any tips?

Haven’t read any other replies. But, are you me?? Except I did it! Couldn’t be happier.

I've been thinking about starting a similar thread. I"m 45, earned a lot of money already, saved most of it and due to two young kids, one with a labor-intensive condition, I'm seriously thinking about "retiring" or staying at home or living off the money I already earned/saved. My problem, fear of loosing my self-definition. I even know what I want to do in the volunteer space. Actually, my DH doesn't want me to which is bothersome because we can live off his income and since we've met, I've earned 1/3 more than him. For example, he earns 200K and our mortgage is less than most apartments.

I think your DH has to be on board for you to be a SAHM. Sounds like you are and were always the higher earner.

How old are your kids?
Could you do a lateral more flexible job?

I’m the 40yo pp. DH likes me staying home because he can focus on his career. He doesn’t have to stress out about picking up the kids on time or whether he will need to call out tomorrow because school might be closed because it is too cold.

Read this carefully. Many men want their wife to stay home simply so their own life is easier. Having a SAHM benefits the man more than the woman. He’s out there with his own identity and contributing to retirement accounts that are in his name only. His career options and salary continue to grow. You’re stuck at home and your identity is working for your spouse and children as a cook, nanny, maid, party planner, etc. He’s in the outside world and you’re trapped behind the scenes. Oh wait volunteer work....more unpaid labor that benefits men.

If you’re an ambitious woman who likes to stay busy you most likely won’t enjoy staying home.

You must not have kids. I have an Ivy League masters and have worked in stem for 15 years, a tough but interesting field, and for me ‘behind the scenes’ is anywhere my kids are not! My coworkers are not the most important validators in my life. they will not show up in my hospital room or at my funeral. Professional accomplishments are great, but they are no match for raising my kids or taking care of family members in need, and that’s true for both me and my husband.
Your presumption that this work is inferior and for the ‘non-ambitious’ is inherited from a legacy of devaluing work traditionally done by women. Why have you agreed to undervalue it? You really want to be promoting that agenda?

Well said.
Another perspective - I am a very well qualified woman who is now a SAHM. I work for my family and kids. I have no interest in contributing to fill the coffers of somebody else, I would rather contribute to the growth and wellbeing of my children and family. This positions comes from both DH and I understanding the value of a highly educated mother raising the children or managing the household.

I think the discussion for and against being a SAHM or WOHM mainly comes from where we all are in the hierarchy of needs. If you trying to meet the basic needs either physiological (mortgage, food, medicine, transportation) or the safety needs (college, retirement, home, fear of being left with nothing in case of divorce/prenup, abusive marriage, single parent) then it makes sense to continue working. For at least the DCUM SAHMs in my circle - we all have wealth, education, connections, domestic staff (part time at least), stable marriages, our own money, no pre-nups, high achieving healthy children. This means that being at home to make sure that everyone is looked after (spouse, kids, parents, family, property, wealth, social connections, mental health, physical health, career growth, relationships) makes a lot of financial and evolutionary sense. I also get to facilitate and meet my families psychological and self-fulfilment needs because I can be there to take care of the basic needs.

People can choose to work or stay at home for psychological and self-fulfillment needs, but those kinds of people are rare. Mostly around the world people are working for basic needs and even staying home to meet the basic need of childcare and household management.

I find this mindset so repulsive. I don't work FOR my DH or my kids. I'm a member of the family just like everyone else. We all contribute in our own ways. At the moment, I happen to spend more time at home now than my DH does. At some point, we are planning to swap. Just like me, he values his time with his family. And he certainly doesn't consider his time with the kids to be "babysitting" or a "part-time job". Just like I don't consider it my "job" either. As soon as my kids are old enough, they prepare their own food, do their own laundry, etc. I'm not a servant or employee of the family. Gross.

-high-achieving, highly-educated SAHM (my family role, not my occupation!)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a first time mom at 43 (!) with one and only DD. I'll be 62 by the time she goes to college. I've had a 20-year career, and am most recently C-level at a large company. I feel like I've achieved the highest point of my career, and I could be doing the same thing for 20 years before retiring. Or start my own company, which would have its own trajectory. Obviously I've wanted DD for a long time, and love spending time with her. When she gets older, I could go back to work PT, or freelance, or volunteer. Has anyone go from SAHM to retirement and any tips?

Haven’t read any other replies. But, are you me?? Except I did it! Couldn’t be happier.

I've been thinking about starting a similar thread. I"m 45, earned a lot of money already, saved most of it and due to two young kids, one with a labor-intensive condition, I'm seriously thinking about "retiring" or staying at home or living off the money I already earned/saved. My problem, fear of loosing my self-definition. I even know what I want to do in the volunteer space. Actually, my DH doesn't want me to which is bothersome because we can live off his income and since we've met, I've earned 1/3 more than him. For example, he earns 200K and our mortgage is less than most apartments.

I think your DH has to be on board for you to be a SAHM. Sounds like you are and were always the higher earner.

How old are your kids?
Could you do a lateral more flexible job?

I’m the 40yo pp. DH likes me staying home because he can focus on his career. He doesn’t have to stress out about picking up the kids on time or whether he will need to call out tomorrow because school might be closed because it is too cold.

Read this carefully. Many men want their wife to stay home simply so their own life is easier. Having a SAHM benefits the man more than the woman. He’s out there with his own identity and contributing to retirement accounts that are in his name only. His career options and salary continue to grow. You’re stuck at home and your identity is working for your spouse and children as a cook, nanny, maid, party planner, etc. He’s in the outside world and you’re trapped behind the scenes. Oh wait volunteer work....more unpaid labor that benefits men.

If you’re an ambitious woman who likes to stay busy you most likely won’t enjoy staying home.

You must not have kids. I have an Ivy League masters and have worked in stem for 15 years, a tough but interesting field, and for me ‘behind the scenes’ is anywhere my kids are not! My coworkers are not the most important validators in my life. they will not show up in my hospital room or at my funeral. Professional accomplishments are great, but they are no match for raising my kids or taking care of family members in need, and that’s true for both me and my husband.
Your presumption that this work is inferior and for the ‘non-ambitious’ is inherited from a legacy of devaluing work traditionally done by women. Why have you agreed to undervalue it? You really want to be promoting that agenda?

Well said.
Another perspective - I am a very well qualified woman who is now a SAHM. I work for my family and kids. I have no interest in contributing to fill the coffers of somebody else, I would rather contribute to the growth and wellbeing of my children and family. This positions comes from both DH and I understanding the value of a highly educated mother raising the children or managing the household.

I think the discussion for and against being a SAHM or WOHM mainly comes from where we all are in the hierarchy of needs. If you trying to meet the basic needs either physiological (mortgage, food, medicine, transportation) or the safety needs (college, retirement, home, fear of being left with nothing in case of divorce/prenup, abusive marriage, single parent) then it makes sense to continue working. For at least the DCUM SAHMs in my circle - we all have wealth, education, connections, domestic staff (part time at least), stable marriages, our own money, no pre-nups, high achieving healthy children. This means that being at home to make sure that everyone is looked after (spouse, kids, parents, family, property, wealth, social connections, mental health, physical health, career growth, relationships) makes a lot of financial and evolutionary sense. I also get to facilitate and meet my families psychological and self-fulfilment needs because I can be there to take care of the basic needs.

People can choose to work or stay at home for psychological and self-fulfillment needs, but those kinds of people are rare. Mostly around the world people are working for basic needs and even staying home to meet the basic need of childcare and household management.

I find this mindset so repulsive. I don't work FOR my DH or my kids. I'm a member of the family just like everyone else. We all contribute in our own ways. At the moment, I happen to spend more time at home now than my DH does. At some point, we are planning to swap. Just like me, he values his time with his family. And he certainly doesn't consider his time with the kids to be "babysitting" or a "part-time job". Just like I don't consider it my "job" either. As soon as my kids are old enough, they prepare their own food, do their own laundry, etc. I'm not a servant or employee of the family. Gross.

-high-achieving, highly-educated SAHM (my family role, not my occupation!)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a first time mom at 43 (!) with one and only DD. I'll be 62 by the time she goes to college. I've had a 20-year career, and am most recently C-level at a large company. I feel like I've achieved the highest point of my career, and I could be doing the same thing for 20 years before retiring. Or start my own company, which would have its own trajectory. Obviously I've wanted DD for a long time, and love spending time with her. When she gets older, I could go back to work PT, or freelance, or volunteer. Has anyone go from SAHM to retirement and any tips?

Haven’t read any other replies. But, are you me?? Except I did it! Couldn’t be happier.

I've been thinking about starting a similar thread. I"m 45, earned a lot of money already, saved most of it and due to two young kids, one with a labor-intensive condition, I'm seriously thinking about "retiring" or staying at home or living off the money I already earned/saved. My problem, fear of loosing my self-definition. I even know what I want to do in the volunteer space. Actually, my DH doesn't want me to which is bothersome because we can live off his income and since we've met, I've earned 1/3 more than him. For example, he earns 200K and our mortgage is less than most apartments.

I think your DH has to be on board for you to be a SAHM. Sounds like you are and were always the higher earner.

How old are your kids?
Could you do a lateral more flexible job?

I’m the 40yo pp. DH likes me staying home because he can focus on his career. He doesn’t have to stress out about picking up the kids on time or whether he will need to call out tomorrow because school might be closed because it is too cold.

Read this carefully. Many men want their wife to stay home simply so their own life is easier. Having a SAHM benefits the man more than the woman. He’s out there with his own identity and contributing to retirement accounts that are in his name only. His career options and salary continue to grow. You’re stuck at home and your identity is working for your spouse and children as a cook, nanny, maid, party planner, etc. He’s in the outside world and you’re trapped behind the scenes. Oh wait volunteer work....more unpaid labor that benefits men.

If you’re an ambitious woman who likes to stay busy you most likely won’t enjoy staying home.

You must not have kids. I have an Ivy League masters and have worked in stem for 15 years, a tough but interesting field, and for me ‘behind the scenes’ is anywhere my kids are not! My coworkers are not the most important validators in my life. they will not show up in my hospital room or at my funeral. Professional accomplishments are great, but they are no match for raising my kids or taking care of family members in need, and that’s true for both me and my husband.
Your presumption that this work is inferior and for the ‘non-ambitious’ is inherited from a legacy of devaluing work traditionally done by women. Why have you agreed to undervalue it? You really want to be promoting that agenda?

Well said.
Another perspective - I am a very well qualified woman who is now a SAHM. I work for my family and kids. I have no interest in contributing to fill the coffers of somebody else, I would rather contribute to the growth and wellbeing of my children and family. This positions comes from both DH and I understanding the value of a highly educated mother raising the children or managing the household.

I think the discussion for and against being a SAHM or WOHM mainly comes from where we all are in the hierarchy of needs. If you trying to meet the basic needs either physiological (mortgage, food, medicine, transportation) or the safety needs (college, retirement, home, fear of being left with nothing in case of divorce/prenup, abusive marriage, single parent) then it makes sense to continue working. For at least the DCUM SAHMs in my circle - we all have wealth, education, connections, domestic staff (part time at least), stable marriages, our own money, no pre-nups, high achieving healthy children. This means that being at home to make sure that everyone is looked after (spouse, kids, parents, family, property, wealth, social connections, mental health, physical health, career growth, relationships) makes a lot of financial and evolutionary sense. I also get to facilitate and meet my families psychological and self-fulfilment needs because I can be there to take care of the basic needs.

People can choose to work or stay at home for psychological and self-fulfillment needs, but those kinds of people are rare. Mostly around the world people are working for basic needs and even staying home to meet the basic need of childcare and household management.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a first time mom at 43 (!) with one and only DD. I'll be 62 by the time she goes to college. I've had a 20-year career, and am most recently C-level at a large company. I feel like I've achieved the highest point of my career, and I could be doing the same thing for 20 years before retiring. Or start my own company, which would have its own trajectory. Obviously I've wanted DD for a long time, and love spending time with her. When she gets older, I could go back to work PT, or freelance, or volunteer. Has anyone go from SAHM to retirement and any tips?

Haven’t read any other replies. But, are you me?? Except I did it! Couldn’t be happier.

I've been thinking about starting a similar thread. I"m 45, earned a lot of money already, saved most of it and due to two young kids, one with a labor-intensive condition, I'm seriously thinking about "retiring" or staying at home or living off the money I already earned/saved. My problem, fear of loosing my self-definition. I even know what I want to do in the volunteer space. Actually, my DH doesn't want me to which is bothersome because we can live off his income and since we've met, I've earned 1/3 more than him. For example, he earns 200K and our mortgage is less than most apartments.

I think your DH has to be on board for you to be a SAHM. Sounds like you are and were always the higher earner.

How old are your kids?
Could you do a lateral more flexible job?

I’m the 40yo pp. DH likes me staying home because he can focus on his career. He doesn’t have to stress out about picking up the kids on time or whether he will need to call out tomorrow because school might be closed because it is too cold.

Read this carefully. Many men want their wife to stay home simply so their own life is easier. Having a SAHM benefits the man more than the woman. He’s out there with his own identity and contributing to retirement accounts that are in his name only. His career options and salary continue to grow. You’re stuck at home and your identity is working for your spouse and children as a cook, nanny, maid, party planner, etc. He’s in the outside world and you’re trapped behind the scenes. Oh wait volunteer work....more unpaid labor that benefits men.

If you’re an ambitious woman who likes to stay busy you most likely won’t enjoy staying home.

You must not have kids. I have an Ivy League masters and have worked in stem for 15 years, a tough but interesting field, and for me ‘behind the scenes’ is anywhere my kids are not! My coworkers are not the most important validators in my life. they will not show up in my hospital room or at my funeral. Professional accomplishments are great, but they are no match for raising my kids or taking care of family members in need, and that’s true for both me and my husband.
Your presumption that this work is inferior and for the ‘non-ambitious’ is inherited from a legacy of devaluing work traditionally done by women. Why have you agreed to undervalue it? You really want to be promoting that agenda?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a first time mom at 43 (!) with one and only DD. I'll be 62 by the time she goes to college. I've had a 20-year career, and am most recently C-level at a large company. I feel like I've achieved the highest point of my career, and I could be doing the same thing for 20 years before retiring. Or start my own company, which would have its own trajectory. Obviously I've wanted DD for a long time, and love spending time with her. When she gets older, I could go back to work PT, or freelance, or volunteer. Has anyone go from SAHM to retirement and any tips?

Haven’t read any other replies. But, are you me?? Except I did it! Couldn’t be happier.

I've been thinking about starting a similar thread. I"m 45, earned a lot of money already, saved most of it and due to two young kids, one with a labor-intensive condition, I'm seriously thinking about "retiring" or staying at home or living off the money I already earned/saved. My problem, fear of loosing my self-definition. I even know what I want to do in the volunteer space. Actually, my DH doesn't want me to which is bothersome because we can live off his income and since we've met, I've earned 1/3 more than him. For example, he earns 200K and our mortgage is less than most apartments.

I think your DH has to be on board for you to be a SAHM. Sounds like you are and were always the higher earner.

How old are your kids?
Could you do a lateral more flexible job?

I’m the 40yo pp. DH likes me staying home because he can focus on his career. He doesn’t have to stress out about picking up the kids on time or whether he will need to call out tomorrow because school might be closed because it is too cold.

Read this carefully. Many men want their wife to stay home simply so their own life is easier. Having a SAHM benefits the man more than the woman. He’s out there with his own identity and contributing to retirement accounts that are in his name only. His career options and salary continue to grow. You’re stuck at home and your identity is working for your spouse and children as a cook, nanny, maid, party planner, etc. He’s in the outside world and you’re trapped behind the scenes. Oh wait volunteer work....more unpaid labor that benefits men.

If you’re an ambitious woman who likes to stay busy you most likely won’t enjoy staying home.

You must not have kids. I have an Ivy League masters and have worked in stem for 15 years, a tough but interesting field, and for me ‘behind the scenes’ is anywhere my kids are not! My coworkers are not the most important validators in my life. they will not show up in my hospital room or at my funeral. Professional accomplishments are great, but they are no match for raising my kids or taking care of family members in need, and that’s true for both me and my husband.
Your presumption that this work is inferior and for the ‘non-ambitious’ is inherited from a legacy of devaluing work traditionally done by women. Why have you agreed to undervalue it? You really want to be promoting that agenda?[/quote]

Well said.
Another perspective - I am a very well qualified woman who is now a SAHM. I work for my family and kids. I have no interest in contributing to fill the coffers of somebody else, I would rather contribute to the growth and wellbeing of my children and family. This positions comes from both DH and I understanding the value of a highly educated mother raising the children or managing the household.

I think the discussion for and against being a SAHM or WOHM mainly comes from where we all are in the hierarchy of needs. If you trying to meet the basic needs either physiological (mortgage, food, medicine, transportation) or the safety needs (college, retirement, home, fear of being left with nothing in case of divorce/prenup, abusive marriage, single parent) then it makes sense to continue working. For at least the DCUM SAHMs in my circle - we all have wealth, education, connections, domestic staff (part time at least), stable marriages, our own money, no pre-nups, high achieving healthy children. This means that being at home to make sure that everyone is looked after (spouse, kids, parents, family, property, wealth, social connections, mental health, physical health, career growth, relationships) makes a lot of financial and evolutionary sense. I also get to facilitate and meet my families psychological and self-fulfilment needs because I can be there to take care of the basic needs.

People can choose to work or stay at home for psychological and self-fulfillment needs, but those kinds of people are rare. Mostly around the world people are working for basic needs and even staying home to meet the basic need of childcare and household management.