Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 13:03     Subject: Re:I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Jeez, I disagree with pretty much everyone here. Apparently every DCUMer wants to be a kept woman to a self-absorbed high-earner who barely tolerates her.

Your DH, as others have admitted, sounds like an ass. Financial success often brings an ego trip. (Lawyer here, see it constantly--tho of course attorneys have this problem regardless of income .) (1) Get a job. I see no reason why a highly-educated women such as yourself should have any problem finding work in the long-run. I emphasize the last word, because the difficulty is that it will likely take networking and working your way up again. But you have exactly what you need to achieve this: time and resources. So get going. (2) Make explicit, reasonable requests (in advance) of DH. Date night. Family event. You want him to take DS to Star Wars b/c kid would love it. (4) Outsource household drudgery. (Duh.) (3) Take your time. See where you are in a year, two years. I agree that DH sound unbearable now, but perhaps he should be given the opportunity to change as well.

And disregard the Stepford harpies that pretend that any work is miserable toil that will ruin your children. I love my job, most of the folks I work with and around love their work. You can too.

Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 12:44     Subject: Re:I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are way too focused on the fact that your husband pursued you/ you had other choices. that was a long time ago in a different situation. you have no idea what problems you would have with those other men. In any case, that is completely irrelevant now; you can't turn back the time, just make the most of the situation you are in.

That situation would be much worse if you divorced your husband. He would remarry immediately and you would another big headache and a choice to second guess. Not to mention damage done to your kid. Do not go in this direction.

Stop nagging your husband to help at home. PAy for cooking, cleaning and everything else that he doesn't want to do and you don't like doing.

Finally you need to address your own life and why it feels so empty. I never feel my husband doesn't pay enough attention to me because I am too busy to think about it. You need meaningful work; one can get a lot of positive attention from colleagues. Focus on your career or whatever and stop demanding that your husband feeds your ego because you used to be hotter than he was. That's going to backfire big time.


OP, this is some solid advice here. If you don't take it you are a fool who will live to regret her decisions.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 12:30     Subject: Re:I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
OP, you are way too focused on the fact that your husband pursued you/ you had other choices. that was a long time ago in a different situation. you have no idea what problems you would have with those other men. In any case, that is completely irrelevant now; you can't turn back the time, just make the most of the situation you are in.

That situation would be much worse if you divorced your husband. He would remarry immediately and you would another big headache and a choice to second guess. Not to mention damage done to your kid. Do not go in this direction.

Stop nagging your husband to help at home. PAy for cooking, cleaning and everything else that he doesn't want to do and you don't like doing.

Finally you need to address your own life and why it feels so empty. I never feel my husband doesn't pay enough attention to me because I am too busy to think about it. You need meaningful work; one can get a lot of positive attention from colleagues. Focus on your career or whatever and stop demanding that your husband feeds your ego because you used to be hotter than he was. That's going to backfire big time.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 12:23     Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So here is what I got from OP:
She is Ivy educated but quit her lucrative career to be SAHM
She is good looking
Her DH is handsome, but not hot
She could have hot
He wants to throw money at childcare and household so he doesn't have to clean, etc..
She does have part time house help
She has young kids, which is hard in any situation
She thinks he doesn't threat her with respect

I can' assume some things, but it they might be wrong as only OP and her DH know answers.
Here is the real question here.
Did you marry him because you loved him?
Or did you marry him because even then he earned a lot of money and was in hot pursuit?



I earned more than him when we got married. I married him because he was so nice. I was surrounded by cocky hedge fund and bankers. Now DH has the same ego.


Based on your posts, you have a substantial ego yourself.


She fancies herself an entitled princess that men are just waiting for to snag. Talk about delusion.


+1
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 12:23     Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So here is what I got from OP:
She is Ivy educated but quit her lucrative career to be SAHM
She is good looking
Her DH is handsome, but not hot
She could have hot
He wants to throw money at childcare and household so he doesn't have to clean, etc..
She does have part time house help
She has young kids, which is hard in any situation
She thinks he doesn't threat her with respect

I can' assume some things, but it they might be wrong as only OP and her DH know answers.
Here is the real question here.
Did you marry him because you loved him?
Or did you marry him because even then he earned a lot of money and was in hot pursuit?



I earned more than him when we got married. I married him because he was so nice. I was surrounded by cocky hedge fund and bankers. Now DH has the same ego.


+1

Based on your posts, you have a substantial ego yourself.


She fancies herself an entitled princess that men are just waiting for to snag. Talk about delusion.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 12:21     Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So here is what I got from OP:
She is Ivy educated but quit her lucrative career to be SAHM
She is good looking
Her DH is handsome, but not hot
She could have hot
He wants to throw money at childcare and household so he doesn't have to clean, etc..
She does have part time house help
She has young kids, which is hard in any situation
She thinks he doesn't threat her with respect

I can' assume some things, but it they might be wrong as only OP and her DH know answers.
Here is the real question here.
Did you marry him because you loved him?
Or did you marry him because even then he earned a lot of money and was in hot pursuit?



I earned more than him when we got married. I married him because he was so nice. I was surrounded by cocky hedge fund and bankers. Now DH has the same ego.


Based on your posts, you have a substantial ego yourself.


She fancies herself an entitled princess that men are just waiting for to snag. Talk about delusion.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 12:16     Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So here is what I got from OP:
She is Ivy educated but quit her lucrative career to be SAHM
She is good looking
Her DH is handsome, but not hot
She could have hot
He wants to throw money at childcare and household so he doesn't have to clean, etc..
She does have part time house help
She has young kids, which is hard in any situation
She thinks he doesn't threat her with respect

I can' assume some things, but it they might be wrong as only OP and her DH know answers.
Here is the real question here.
Did you marry him because you loved him?
Or did you marry him because even then he earned a lot of money and was in hot pursuit?



I earned more than him when we got married. I married him because he was so nice. I was surrounded by cocky hedge fund and bankers. Now DH has the same ego.


Based on your posts, you have a substantial ego yourself.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 12:09     Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
don't be dumb OP. No one is going to want to date you with three kids and you baggage. You will be single parent and your DH will have a new girlfriend, then wife MUCH sooner than you. Do you want your kids to have a step mom. You must go back to work, become more interesting and quit complaining hat the man who pays for your entire life and kids isn't giving you more attention. Good grief you are dense. You ought to be more worried he is going to trade you for a younger happier model.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 12:04     Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So here is what I got from OP:
She is Ivy educated but quit her lucrative career to be SAHM
She is good looking
Her DH is handsome, but not hot
She could have hot
He wants to throw money at childcare and household so he doesn't have to clean, etc..
She does have part time house help
She has young kids, which is hard in any situation
She thinks he doesn't threat her with respect

I can' assume some things, but it they might be wrong as only OP and her DH know answers.
Here is the real question here.
Did you marry him because you loved him?
Or did you marry him because even then he earned a lot of money and was in hot pursuit?



I earned more than him when we got married. I married him because he was so nice. I was surrounded by cocky hedge fund and bankers. Now DH has the same ego.


NP, and I can empathize with you OP on that. My husband also had a huge personality shift over the years (becoming more egotistical) as he gained more financial success, and it's made me increasingly just not like him very much. He doesn't value me or respect me (and I make 100K - it's not SAHM thing or WOHM thing - it's just a jerk thing). That said, I'm not ready to throw in the towel, because I think it would be really damaging to the kids to be parented by him solely 50% of the time.

I've found that I just need to find happiness in other things - my job, my kids, my friends, my religion, and hobbies - hobbies are really important when you are feeling down and self-defeated. But I've given up on having a loving partnership for the next 10 years until my kids are out of the house. It's kind of like walking around all day with your glass 3/4 full - or almost happy - but it is what it is right now.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 11:58     Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So here is what I got from OP:
She is Ivy educated but quit her lucrative career to be SAHM
She is good looking
Her DH is handsome, but not hot
She could have hot
He wants to throw money at childcare and household so he doesn't have to clean, etc..
She does have part time house help
She has young kids, which is hard in any situation
She thinks he doesn't threat her with respect

I can' assume some things, but it they might be wrong as only OP and her DH know answers.
Here is the real question here.
Did you marry him because you loved him?
Or did you marry him because even then he earned a lot of money and was in hot pursuit?



I earned more than him when we got married. I married him because he was so nice. I was surrounded by cocky hedge fund and bankers. Now DH has the same ego.


I can see this happening. Probably slowly enough he didn't realize the transformation. Anyway to bring him back? Is the damage done?
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 11:57     Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard. I had a business and gave it up because that’s what we agreed. Went through a period when I didn’t think we’d make it, but we did - Lord knows how - for our son. Was so hard but worth it. Wishing you luck, OP.


Thank you. Marriage is hard and a lot of work. Our youngest child is almost one. DH puts himself before all of us. It is tiring.

I am ivy educated, have multiple advanced degrees and am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I did not marry for money. I am fully confident DH is not the best I can do. If money were my only goal, I could do better. DH is handsome but my ex and other flings were hot. I know for fact I could find someone I get along with better. I am sure DH could find a better mate for himself too.

We are sick of one another. Couples from all socioeconomic backgrounds have marital problems.

I suggested marital counseling. He doesn’t want to air our dirty laundry to a stranger. Plus he doesn’t want to take off from work. Our kids are smart and happy so he gives me credit there. Men can have it all. Women cannot.


You are severely deluded. You will fall of your high horse soon. Once you do, let us know how it goes.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 11:48     Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:So here is what I got from OP:
She is Ivy educated but quit her lucrative career to be SAHM
She is good looking
Her DH is handsome, but not hot
She could have hot
He wants to throw money at childcare and household so he doesn't have to clean, etc..
She does have part time house help
She has young kids, which is hard in any situation
She thinks he doesn't threat her with respect

I can' assume some things, but it they might be wrong as only OP and her DH know answers.
Here is the real question here.
Did you marry him because you loved him?
Or did you marry him because even then he earned a lot of money and was in hot pursuit?



I earned more than him when we got married. I married him because he was so nice. I was surrounded by cocky hedge fund and bankers. Now DH has the same ego.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 11:46     Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Feminism is even more degrading, don't believe the liberal culture

Then you don't understand feminism.


Feminism is about the hate of men and blaming men for all your failures. It’s for rich entitled egotistical white women who are upset no one has recognized how brilliant they are. It is so much easier to think you did not get what you wanted out of life because of the boogieMAN vs you could not make the cut.


+1,000,000
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 11:40     Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH won me over with effort. Now married for 10 years with 3 kids. Don’t think I can be in this loveless passionless dead marriage any longer. I am childcare. We talk about child logistics and that’s it. I’m so resentful. I gave up my lucrative career to stay home. DH takes me for granted. I seriously cannot stand my husband and feel totally stuck. Yesterday I told him I want out and he just brushed me off and said he was the best I could do.

I want to run away and restart. Then I look at my children’s sweet faces and can’t leave.


OP have you considered finding a boyfriend?


She’ll have to find someone who doesn’t care that she is married with 3 little kids, a real prize.
Anonymous
Post 12/20/2017 11:29     Subject: I want out of this marriage. I want to scream
OP, you are living a charmed life. You have everything you need to achieve happiness. What is missing is inside YOU. You will not be happier if you divorce because the contentment you seek needs to come from within. If you need someone to be there for you emotionally 24/7 and hang on your every word, get a Golden Retriever.