Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if this is an open marriage, generally one of the rules is discreteness. Which this guy is obviously violating.

The only thing worse than being cheated on, is realizing that you were the ONLY person who didn't know it was happening. Everyone else knew what was going on and still smiled in your face, while gossiping and pitying you behind your back.

I would 100% want to know. And I would be embarrassed at hearing the news, but also thankful that I knew so I wasn't the one in the dark.

Anyone here who claims they wouldn't want to know if their spouse was having an affair out in the open enough for their neighbors/friends/community to see is a liar.

No one is arguing THAT point - most people would want to know. But the question here whether OP should be the one to tell her? That is what most of us are addressing.

Who else is going to do it? OP has information that others may not.

if husband is reckless enough to kiss publicly at a busy place next to his house, plenty of other people know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I notice that women agonize over informing the DW but men couldn't give a shit. Kinda like a 'bros before hos' thing, and I wonder if it makes more sense to take their approach instead of worrying about someone else's marriage. You're not his keeper.

OP here. My husband does care as well. We know it's ultimately none of our business. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors in others' homes although I don't get the sense that his wife would be ok with this. I just was curious what the thought process is behind going to a restaurant 15 minutes from your house with your mistress, showing PDA and not worrying about getting caught by someone who knows you. Is he just past the point of giving a shit?

The bigger question is why do YOU give a shit?

because she was cheated on and her new mission in life is to punish all cheaters.

This

Stop sticking your thing where it doesn't belong and this ceases to be a problem. Pig.

I’m a woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I notice that women agonize over informing the DW but men couldn't give a shit. Kinda like a 'bros before hos' thing, and I wonder if it makes more sense to take their approach instead of worrying about someone else's marriage. You're not his keeper.

OP here. My husband does care as well. We know it's ultimately none of our business. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors in others' homes although I don't get the sense that his wife would be ok with this. I just was curious what the thought process is behind going to a restaurant 15 minutes from your house with your mistress, showing PDA and not worrying about getting caught by someone who knows you. Is he just past the point of giving a shit?

The bigger question is why do YOU give a shit?

because she was cheated on and her new mission in life is to punish all cheaters.

This

Stop sticking your thing where it doesn't belong and this ceases to be a problem. Pig.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if this is an open marriage, generally one of the rules is discreteness. Which this guy is obviously violating.

The only thing worse than being cheated on, is realizing that you were the ONLY person who didn't know it was happening. Everyone else knew what was going on and still smiled in your face, while gossiping and pitying you behind your back.

I would 100% want to know. And I would be embarrassed at hearing the news, but also thankful that I knew so I wasn't the one in the dark.

Anyone here who claims they wouldn't want to know if their spouse was having an affair out in the open enough for their neighbors/friends/community to see is a liar.

No one is arguing THAT point - most people would want to know. But the question here whether OP should be the one to tell her? That is what most of us are addressing.

Who else is going to do it? OP has information that others may not.

Anonymous wrote:Even if this is an open marriage, generally one of the rules is discreteness. Which this guy is obviously violating.

The only thing worse than being cheated on, is realizing that you were the ONLY person who didn't know it was happening. Everyone else knew what was going on and still smiled in your face, while gossiping and pitying you behind your back.

I would 100% want to know. And I would be embarrassed at hearing the news, but also thankful that I knew so I wasn't the one in the dark.

Anyone here who claims they wouldn't want to know if their spouse was having an affair out in the open enough for their neighbors/friends/community to see is a liar.

No one is arguing THAT point - most people would want to know. But the question here whether OP should be the one to tell her? That is what most of us are addressing.

Even if this is an open marriage, generally one of the rules is discreteness. Which this guy is obviously violating.

The only thing worse than being cheated on, is realizing that you were the ONLY person who didn't know it was happening. Everyone else knew what was going on and still smiled in your face, while gossiping and pitying you behind your back.

I would 100% want to know. And I would be embarrassed at hearing the news, but also thankful that I knew so I wasn't the one in the dark.

Anyone here who claims they wouldn't want to know if their spouse was having an affair out in the open enough for their neighbors/friends/community to see is a liar.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I notice that women agonize over informing the DW but men couldn't give a shit. Kinda like a 'bros before hos' thing, and I wonder if it makes more sense to take their approach instead of worrying about someone else's marriage. You're not his keeper.

OP here. My husband does care as well. We know it's ultimately none of our business. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors in others' homes although I don't get the sense that his wife would be ok with this. I just was curious what the thought process is behind going to a restaurant 15 minutes from your house with your mistress, showing PDA and not worrying about getting caught by someone who knows you. Is he just past the point of giving a shit?

The bigger question is why do YOU give a shit?

because she was cheated on and her new mission in life is to punish all cheaters.

This

I'd never tell, unless the cheated on person was a really close friend or relative.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I notice that women agonize over informing the DW but men couldn't give a shit. Kinda like a 'bros before hos' thing, and I wonder if it makes more sense to take their approach instead of worrying about someone else's marriage. You're not his keeper.

OP here. My husband does care as well. We know it's ultimately none of our business. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors in others' homes although I don't get the sense that his wife would be ok with this. I just was curious what the thought process is behind going to a restaurant 15 minutes from your house with your mistress, showing PDA and not worrying about getting caught by someone who knows you. Is he just past the point of giving a shit?

The bigger question is why do YOU give a shit?

because she was cheated on and her new mission in life is to punish all cheaters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I notice that women agonize over informing the DW but men couldn't give a shit. Kinda like a 'bros before hos' thing, and I wonder if it makes more sense to take their approach instead of worrying about someone else's marriage. You're not his keeper.

OP here. My husband does care as well. We know it's ultimately none of our business. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors in others' homes although I don't get the sense that his wife would be ok with this. I just was curious what the thought process is behind going to a restaurant 15 minutes from your house with your mistress, showing PDA and not worrying about getting caught by someone who knows you. Is he just past the point of giving a shit?

The bigger question is why do YOU give a shit?

NP. Come on. If you were in OP's shoes you'd just say to yourself "oh, that's cool" and not give it a second thought? Cheating is that common in your life that you've stopped giving a shit?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I notice that women agonize over informing the DW but men couldn't give a shit. Kinda like a 'bros before hos' thing, and I wonder if it makes more sense to take their approach instead of worrying about someone else's marriage. You're not his keeper.

OP here. My husband does care as well. We know it's ultimately none of our business. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors in others' homes although I don't get the sense that his wife would be ok with this. I just was curious what the thought process is behind going to a restaurant 15 minutes from your house with your mistress, showing PDA and not worrying about getting caught by someone who knows you. Is he just past the point of giving a shit?

The bigger question is why do YOU give a shit?

Because OP is not a scum person, that's why. She cares that this douchebag is out there ruining his family for anyone to see. It bothers her. As it should. Only cheaters, who are selfish and immature, think it's totally cool to act this way and that everyone should just not care. The cheater MADE it OP's business. He should've been more discreet if he didn't want to make it others' business, which is what makes me think it's in no way an open marriage and the the husband is a total jerk and this probably isn't his first "slip."

Also, it could easily happen in the same way to OP, or any of us. Would she want someone to tell her? Maybe that's why she's struggling with what to do or to understand why the husband would do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I notice that women agonize over informing the DW but men couldn't give a shit. Kinda like a 'bros before hos' thing, and I wonder if it makes more sense to take their approach instead of worrying about someone else's marriage. You're not his keeper.

OP here. My husband does care as well. We know it's ultimately none of our business. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors in others' homes although I don't get the sense that his wife would be ok with this. I just was curious what the thought process is behind going to a restaurant 15 minutes from your house with your mistress, showing PDA and not worrying about getting caught by someone who knows you. Is he just past the point of giving a shit?

The bigger question is why do YOU give a shit?

I wouldn't automatically assume that a man would beat his wife upon hearing the news. If I was friendly with the male neighbor and I saw his wife out on a date with another man I would be as likely to mention it to the husband.

Let me ask this...would you women tell the husband if you saw the wife out with another man?

I ask because a couple years ago was a thread asking just that. A lot of women said they would not tell on the wife because they would be afraid that the scorned husband would physically harm her.

Anonymous wrote:^And that right there ladies and gentlemen is why abuse of all kinds continues to happen. PP, you are little better than a perpetrator, especially when you rely on those kind of unlikely and extreme consequences as justification for not doing the right thing.

I hope my children do not turn out like you.

What abuse are we talking about? I discovered that my exDH cheated on me and I left. I was not an abuse victim.