Anonymous wrote:
Have you ever attempted to be part of my village? Reached out when I looked like I could use a friend? Invited me over because my husband was traveling all week? The answer to that is no, so enjoy your dominoes.

OMG Eleanor Shellstrop is on this thread!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Good_Place

Since I'm the poster who brought up the Good Place earlier, I'd like to amend my post to add that my sister also brought me a lobster roll for lunch when she came to visit. And more cookies.

So many nasty people on this thread. Bringing food to a family with a baby isn't a thing from the past or only done in other cultures. It's something you do when you have a commmunity and moderately generous impulses. Be nice to people. Take care of each other. Put a little love in your heart, the world will be a better place for you and me.

Parents brought you up, paid for excellent education and you have a job that pays well. Hire be a cook. You are on your own.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I cannot believe the number of horrible bitter people on this thread. I didn't expect any random person to bring a meal, but when my parents showed up you bet they took care of the food situation. I cooked a few meals, but only because I was going stir crazy and liked to cook.

I don't even know what I'd say to parents or in laws who would show up and expect to be fed by the new mother, but that's because I wasn't raised by wolves. [/quote]
No one is saying that OP needs to feed anyone. (By the way, where is OP's DH on this? Couldn't he cook?)

OP seems to be taking this "bringing food after birth" out of context. It was done in the past in communities (and other cultures) where neighbors and extended families looked after each other. It was the norm for neighbors to pitch in. In these communities, people had multi generations living under one roof.

If OP expects people to bring food, etc., has she helped them out in the past? Has she babysat friend's and neighbor's kids without the expectation that they reciprocate? I know most are unable to do this because they work and this is the norm now. OP cannot invoke some old tradition because it benefits her.
[/quote]

I know how satisfying it is to you to bitch out other moms, but you didn't read the OP. [b]She's talking about family and lazy in laws[/b] who expected her to provide meals *to them* post partum. [/quote]
I bet OP has no plans to take care of her in-laws when they get old... just a guess.
[/quote]


why should she? they're certainly not working on this "village" everyone talks about. I plan to take care of my MIL in part because she's done so much for me when I needed her.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I cannot believe the number of horrible bitter people on this thread. I didn't expect any random person to bring a meal, but when my parents showed up you bet they took care of the food situation. I cooked a few meals, but only because I was going stir crazy and liked to cook.

I don't even know what I'd say to parents or in laws who would show up and expect to be fed by the new mother, but that's because I wasn't raised by wolves. [/quote]
No one is saying that OP needs to feed anyone. (By the way, where is OP's DH on this? Couldn't he cook?)

OP seems to be taking this "bringing food after birth" out of context. It was done in the past in communities (and other cultures) where neighbors and extended families looked after each other. It was the norm for neighbors to pitch in. In these communities, people had multi generations living under one roof.

If OP expects people to bring food, etc., has she helped them out in the past? Has she babysat friend's and neighbor's kids without the expectation that they reciprocate? I know most are unable to do this because they work and this is the norm now. OP cannot invoke some old tradition because it benefits her.
[/quote]

I know how satisfying it is to you to bitch out other moms, but you didn't read the OP. [b]She's talking about family and lazy in laws[/b] who expected her to provide meals *to them* post partum. [/quote]
I bet OP has no plans to take care of her in-laws when they get old... just a guess.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I cannot believe the number of horrible bitter people on this thread. I didn't expect any random person to bring a meal, but when my parents showed up you bet they took care of the food situation. I cooked a few meals, but only because I was going stir crazy and liked to cook.

I don't even know what I'd say to parents or in laws who would show up and expect to be fed by the new mother, but that's because I wasn't raised by wolves. [/quote]
No one is saying that OP needs to feed anyone. (By the way, where is OP's DH on this? Couldn't he cook?)

OP seems to be taking this "bringing food after birth" out of context. It was done in the past in communities (and other cultures) where neighbors and extended families looked after each other. It was the norm for neighbors to pitch in. In these communities, people had multi generations living under one roof.

If OP expects people to bring food, etc., has she helped them out in the past? Has she babysat friend's and neighbor's kids without the expectation that they reciprocate? I know most are unable to do this because they work and this is the norm now. OP cannot invoke some old tradition because it benefits her.
[/quote]

I know how satisfying it is to you to bitch out other moms, but you didn't read the OP. She's talking about family and lazy in laws who expected her to provide meals *to them* post partum.

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe the number of horrible bitter people on this thread. I didn't expect any random person to bring a meal, but when my parents showed up you bet they took care of the food situation. I cooked a few meals, but only because I was going stir crazy and liked to cook.

I don't even know what I'd say to parents or in laws who would show up and expect to be fed by the new mother, but that's because I wasn't raised by wolves.

No one is saying that OP needs to feed anyone. (By the way, where is OP's DH on this? Couldn't he cook?)

OP seems to be taking this "bringing food after birth" out of context. It was done in the past in communities (and other cultures) where neighbors and extended families looked after each other. It was the norm for neighbors to pitch in. In these communities, people had multi generations living under one roof.

If OP expects people to bring food, etc., has she helped them out in the past? Has she babysat friend's and neighbor's kids without the expectation that they reciprocate? I know most are unable to do this because they work and this is the norm now. OP cannot invoke some old tradition because it benefits her.

I think a PP hit the nail on the head with “you get what you give.”

OP, I’m sorry no one brought you food

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry. No one brought us food either. Not. a. single. meal. We have no family around. And friends dropped by to see baby, but no food. I chalked it up to being in a city where people have no manners (in the South, you can't sneeze without someone bringing you a casserole). I spent my whole life doing the "right" thing, writing every thank you note, bringing meals, etc and then then when it was my turn (and this wasn't the first time, I had a previous surgery where no one turned up) and no one showed up, I realized not everyone is as into friends as I was and I just let go. Now I have a neighbor who has a 3 week old, and eh, I'll get to her when I get to her. Maybe not the the best attitude to have, but I no longer bend over backwards for everyone else. Life lesson for me. We subsisted on many sandwiches, takeout, frozen waffles, pizza, etc for months. And it made us stronger. No matter what life throws at us, we'll be ok. I know that doesn't make things easier right now for you, but you're going to be ok!

I'm from the South too. And my friends get my macaroni and cheese after they have babies. Plenty of calcium for nursing!

I'm from the south and couldn't believe it when no one in my Alexandria neighborhood stopped by to introduce themselves when we moved in. So I make a point to take food to new neighbors and new parents, people who had surgery, and to shovel the elderly neighbors' driveway and sidewalk. No, I don't get "paid back" but that's not what it's about. I try to be gracious and welcoming because I enjoy having a community. And if I have to live in the DC area, I'm going to make the best of it.
If they don't like my food, they don't have to eat it. But everyone has been grateful so far.

Agree 100%. Just because I'm stuck here doesn't mean I'm going to cave and become rude and uncaring.

Remember the REM song "Don't Go Back to Rockville"....about Rockville MD..."where no body says hello, they don't talk to anybody they don't know."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't expect free food for breeding people.

Look, I get people should avoid feeling entitled, but on the other hand, society as we know it requires that people (maybe not you, PP, but others, do reproduce and therefore introduce younger humans. Social Security, and continued maintenance of all the goods and services you need to live, requires there be younger people able to take on the burden when you are older. Caring for these younger people is a big task that individuals take on. They do it willingly, but it is a big task.
If you have the opportunity to know someone personally who is making this contribution to society--maybe you could make a casserole! Certainly not a requirement, but a nice thing to do.

The issue is the expectation. Just read the thread title.

Plus I already bought this person a bridal shower gift, bachelorette gift/ trip if I'm in the party, wedding gift, baby shower gift, possibly gift when I go see the baby, plus planning for gift for 1 year old bday party (which in my circle is $$, not a $20 gift). For some this also includes housewarming/stock the bar. When does it end?

Anonymous wrote:We are foodies and damn good cooks. I do not want people's shitty casserole.

\

See op? Read the pp's response and this may be one of the reasons people didn't send food your way. No good deed goes unpunished as we like to say.

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't expect free food for breeding people.

Look, I get people should avoid feeling entitled, but on the other hand, society as we know it requires that people (maybe not you, PP, but others, do reproduce and therefore introduce younger humans. Social Security, and continued maintenance of all the goods and services you need to live, requires there be younger people able to take on the burden when you are older. Caring for these younger people is a big task that individuals take on. They do it willingly, but it is a big task.
If you have the opportunity to know someone personally who is making this contribution to society--maybe you could make a casserole! Certainly not a requirement, but a nice thing to do.

You brought a child into this world but failed to plan for the first few weeks of its life?

It it was such a common thing, there wouldn't be so many women complaining about how others didn't bring them food.

You shouldn't expect free food for breeding people.