Anonymous
08/16/2017 00:05
Subject: DH is being accused of sexual assault.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So he let himself get swabbed without talking to a lawyer first?
That was stupid. Innocent or guilty. That was really stupid.
Why?
Lots of reasons. He could be getting set up. Perhaps it was co.sensual but woman's spouse found out so she fabricated the assault, etc, etc.
But what could a lawyer do? Stall until something else comes up? Can police force someone to get a swab? Or a judge?
If I was accused of anything or asked to do a swab I most definitely would demand to see a lawyer first. I don't think the police can demand you take it. I think they would need a oder from a judge. Refusing does not imply guilt.
I wouldn't comply either, even if I knew I didn't do it. In most (maybe all?) states, the police need probable cause to get DNA from a suspect who is not under arrest. They can go get a warrant for my DNA if they really want it.
Anonymous
08/15/2017 23:56
Subject: Re:DH is being accused of sexual assault.
OP, you should've gotten more info out of your DH before kicking him out. You're making a lot of assumptions about what happened, what he knew and when he knew it.
Just because the incident happened over a month ago doesn't mean the allegations are a month old. The alleged victim might have filed a report only recently. Even if the victim came forward right away, your DH may not have been implicated until recently. You jumped to so many conclusions without ever bothering to hear your DH's side of the story.
Also, even if your DH knew the investigation was going on, it's plausible that he didn't mention if he thought it had nothing to do with him and/or if his employer has asked everyone to keep it quiet. Did you ask him why he didn't say anything sooner?
Also, just because a police officer says "we've been trying to contact you" doesn't mean they actually were. Cops use various tactics when interacting with a suspect or a witness to gauge the person's reaction and credibility. While I understand your initial assumption that what the police said must be true, again, why didn't you confirm with your DH if the police truly had been trying to reach him?
Why did the police want to swab him? Maybe they are taking swabs of everyone at the job site, or everyone who was present on the day/night in question. Did you even bother to ask your DH?
Clearly, there are some underlying trust issues or something that prevents you from giving your DH the benefit of the doubt here. If this happened to my DH, I'd want to at least hear his side of the story and try to get to the bottom of it even if I thought he was acting strangely.
Just because the incident happened over a month ago doesn't mean the allegations are a month old. The alleged victim might have filed a report only recently. Even if the victim came forward right away, your DH may not have been implicated until recently. You jumped to so many conclusions without ever bothering to hear your DH's side of the story.
Also, even if your DH knew the investigation was going on, it's plausible that he didn't mention if he thought it had nothing to do with him and/or if his employer has asked everyone to keep it quiet. Did you ask him why he didn't say anything sooner?
Also, just because a police officer says "we've been trying to contact you" doesn't mean they actually were. Cops use various tactics when interacting with a suspect or a witness to gauge the person's reaction and credibility. While I understand your initial assumption that what the police said must be true, again, why didn't you confirm with your DH if the police truly had been trying to reach him?
Why did the police want to swab him? Maybe they are taking swabs of everyone at the job site, or everyone who was present on the day/night in question. Did you even bother to ask your DH?
Clearly, there are some underlying trust issues or something that prevents you from giving your DH the benefit of the doubt here. If this happened to my DH, I'd want to at least hear his side of the story and try to get to the bottom of it even if I thought he was acting strangely.
Anonymous
08/15/2017 23:01
Subject: Re:DH is being accused of sexual assault.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I've never heard of the fake rape movement, but I had a co-worker who was accused of rape. He was immediately fired from his job, then his wife left him. And he spent close to 100k on legal fees to prepare for trial. Just before going to trial, the supposed victim recanted the entire story. To this day he has been unable to recover sure to finances and relationships that were destroyed.
That the victim recanted doesn't mean he's innocent. It's not uncommon at all for sexual assault victims to get cold feet at the prospect of a trial, being grilled and blamed by a defense attorney, their name dragged through the mud, everyone they know hearing the gory details about how they were violated, being called a liar no matter how true their claims. She would be far from the first assault victim to recant her story to get out of all of that exposure.
You don't know Jack shit. Stop trying to make someone who destroyed someone else's life into a victim. She was such a victim that she went to jail for falsely filling a report and one other charge.
Anonymous
08/15/2017 22:57
Subject: Re:DH is being accused of sexual assault.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I've never heard of the fake rape movement, but I had a co-worker who was accused of rape. He was immediately fired from his job, then his wife left him. And he spent close to 100k on legal fees to prepare for trial. Just before going to trial, the supposed victim recanted the entire story. To this day he has been unable to recover sure to finances and relationships that were destroyed.
That's an anecdote, not a movement. False accusations of rape are inline with all other crimes -- right around 2%.
No shit, Sherlock. Who said anything about one incident being a movement. And I don't know how you could determine with any degree of accuracy what percentage are bogus.
Anonymous
08/15/2017 22:52
Subject: DH is being accused of sexual assault.
9 pages of conjecture. So few facts to draw an informed opinion.
Anonymous
08/15/2017 22:43
Subject: DH is being accused of sexual assault.
Anonymous wrote:This sounds mighty trollish. Why on earth would you kick your husband out over a "what if" when you don't believe he did it? You sound like a horrible spouse if this is in fact not an imaginary scenario.
On the other hand, no innocent person would "try to brush it off".
Anonymous
08/15/2017 22:41
Subject: DH is being accused of sexual assault.
Th OP sounds highly trollish, but I'll bite.
If my husband came home and told me he was accused of rape, I would immediately come to his defense and work on finding a lawyer, because there's no way in hell my husband would ever rape someone. You obviously think there's a possibility your husband is guilty, and that is really disturbing-- if in fact, this post is real.
If my husband came home and told me he was accused of rape, I would immediately come to his defense and work on finding a lawyer, because there's no way in hell my husband would ever rape someone. You obviously think there's a possibility your husband is guilty, and that is really disturbing-- if in fact, this post is real.
Anonymous
08/15/2017 22:38
Subject: DH is being accused of sexual assault.
OP,
Keep us updated, please.
Anonymous
08/15/2017 22:23
Subject: DH is being accused of sexual assault.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling everyone was drinking. Your husband had sex that he believes was consensual. The women disagrees, was super drunk and isn't sure. This the swabbing of multiple men. At a minimim, he cheated on you. At a maximum, he raped this woman. Either way your marriage is pretty much over. You need a lawyer to start protecting your assets. A court case will destroy your finances.
Wow quite a few assumptions here. First, you don't know if he had sex with her at all yet you are already, based off an assumption calling him a rapist or adulterer and declaring the marriage is over. (it should be based on the OP assuming his guilt based on what isn't even an allegation at this point) Typical American woman, a hint of trouble bail and try to take as much as you can.
Anonymous
08/15/2017 22:14
Subject: DH is being accused of sexual assault.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So he let himself get swabbed without talking to a lawyer first?
That was stupid. Innocent or guilty. That was really stupid.
Why?
Lots of reasons. He could be getting set up. Perhaps it was co.sensual but woman's spouse found out so she fabricated the assault, etc, etc.
But what could a lawyer do? Stall until something else comes up? Can police force someone to get a swab? Or a judge?
If I was accused of anything or asked to do a swab I most definitely would demand to see a lawyer first. I don't think the police can demand you take it. I think they would need a oder from a judge. Refusing does not imply guilt.
Anonymous
08/15/2017 22:08
Subject: DH is being accused of sexual assault.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So he let himself get swabbed without talking to a lawyer first?
That was stupid. Innocent or guilty. That was really stupid.
Why?
Lots of reasons. He could be getting set up. Perhaps it was co.sensual but woman's spouse found out so she fabricated the assault, etc, etc.
But what could a lawyer do? Stall until something else comes up? Can police force someone to get a swab? Or a judge?
Anonymous
08/15/2017 22:07
Subject: DH is being accused of sexual assault.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So he let himself get swabbed without talking to a lawyer first?
That was stupid. Innocent or guilty. That was really stupid.
Why?
Lots of reasons. He could be getting set up. Perhaps it was co.sensual but woman's spouse found out so she fabricated the assault, etc, etc.
Anonymous
08/15/2017 21:54
Subject: DH is being accused of sexual assault.
Anonymous wrote:So he let himself get swabbed without talking to a lawyer first?
That was stupid. Innocent or guilty. That was really stupid.
Why?
Anonymous
08/15/2017 21:47
Subject: DH is being accused of sexual assault.
Anonymous wrote:There is no way to know with these sketchy details what happened.
Maybe he didn't know the police were trying to get a hold of him? I assume if they really wanted to, they could have found him pretty easily through his home or job.
He may have kept it form Op given her reaction. She immediately calls him a rapist and kicks him out of the house. If I had a spouse like that, I would keep things pretty close to my chest too. If I knew I wouldn't have my spouse's support and would have to deal with them accusing me as well, I wouldn't say much.
Maybe he is guilty, maybe he isn't. Hard to tell from the details here. Either way, the marriage is over.
As for fake reports of rape...it happens, however that 2-10% is false reports of reported rapes. The majority of sexual assaults never get reported to police so that 2-10% isn't 2-10% of women assulated, it is 2-10% of women who went to police.
100% all of this. Also, the 2-10% doesn't account for suspects who are considered and discarded in perfectly valid rape cases. Who knows what happened, but no matter what, I think both OP and her DH have behaved poorly. As to OP, couldn't she have at least let DH slept on the couch or given him time to explain his thinking before she assumed his guilt, kicked him out, and threw years down the drain? Is he such an awful husband that this was somehow the last straw? If not, the marriage couldn't have been built on much trust or friendship to get to this place so quickly.
Anonymous
08/15/2017 21:38
Subject: DH is being accused of sexual assault.
So he let himself get swabbed without talking to a lawyer first?
That was stupid. Innocent or guilty. That was really stupid.
That was stupid. Innocent or guilty. That was really stupid.