Why are women in here arguing with men about their reasons for wanting to remarry? I'm a woman and I know what the men are saying to be true. They really are simple creatures. After marrying, having kids and divorcing, when looking for a new mate, they're thinking about life partner/someone to date and bed partner. They no longer have to worry about her genes, maternal instincts. Even the ability to save and contribute financially is not that important because it has all been taking care of in the first marriage (the kids, struggling for the down payment on a house, climbing the corporate ladder to higher pay, etc).

They really don't care about the family gatherings, menus etc. They'd be fine having a romantic Christmas dinner in front of the fire place with Wife #2. And taking kids to the doctor and all the other stuff is likely to be taken care of by Wife #2.

Sure housecleaning may be something Wife#2 does, but that's just part of life. They would both be doing that (Ex DH & Wife 2) in their individual homes even if they'd never met.

Trust me, I have a couple of very close male friends who are looking for Wife 2 (widowed and divorced) and they are really just looking for someone to spend the rest of their lives with and have a bed partner (a friend's exact words). The other stuff takes care of itself for them.

Anonymous wrote:Again, most of the lines from that list were busywork.

Vaccinating children, doctors appts, are not busywork.

Watching your ipad while you clean the storage closet, write thank you notes, dust the guest room, etc is busywork.

What was busywork on the list?

1. Who purchased the airfare and booked the hotel on the last vacation?? Who chose what to do on the vacation and researched it in advance? --> no vacation if you don't do this

2. Who chose and purchased the sheets on your bed? Or did these sheets just show up and you never thought about where th came from? --> no sheets if you don't do this

3. Who washes the sheets? Who knows when they were last wages? --> gross dirty sheets if you don't do this

4. Who chose the window coverings in your house and scheduled for them to be installed? Who made sure they match your decor? --> lack of sleep and privacy if you don't do this. matching the decor I will concede may be busywork, but it's likely you benefit from having a well-decorated house, either by enjoying it yourself, or the status that comes from other people liking your house

5. Who scheduled the last doctor's appointment for your child? Who went? --> obviously not busy work

6. Who determined the Christmas Eve/day menu, went shopping for it and cooked? --> I don't believe for a second you really think "snacks at the gym" is OK for Christmas with kids. Not busywork.

7. Who decided how to celebrate New Years? --> eh, I don't like New Years, so maybe this is busywork.

8. Who planned the last date night ? Who scheduled the babysitter for it? --> not busywork (assuming you want to go out with your wife)

9. Who scheduled your kid's birthday party, bought the cake, bought presents, had your kid write thank you not s? --> not busy work if your kid is going to have a halfway happy childhood

10. Who picked out the furniture and bedding in your childrens' rooms? --> not busy work. someone has to do this. however, I could see some people taking longer to do this than others.

11. When is your child due for their next vaccine? Next doctor's appointment? When is registration for school? --> not busy work

12. Who made sure your child learned to swim? --> essential, life saving. not busy work

13. Who makes sure the dog has had a bath? --> I don't have a dog, so I don't know, but this sounds like a necessity. Maybe busywork if one person wants to do it more frequently than necessary.

14. Who figured out what you'll do over thanksgiving and where you'll go? Who told others what the plan is? --. again, assuming you don't want your kids to have horrible childhoods, this isn't busywork.

Omg I could go on.

Anonymous wrote:Again, most of the lines from that list were busywork.

Vaccinating children, doctors appts, are not busywork.

Watching your ipad while you clean the storage closet, write thank you notes, dust the guest room, etc is busywork.

I get it, you're mad about the one time your wife went to "clean the storage closet" because you're such a jerk that was the only way she could get away from you.

BTW, writing thank you notes actually is important. I realize you don't get that either, but it's important.

You do remind me though: the only thing worse than a DH who doesn't do his fair share around the house, is a lazy DH who is also ungrateful about what you do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Busywork isn't household labor.

Ok well, feel free to delve into the research on gender and household labor, because the sources pretty clearly delineate all the different kinds of tasks. I look forward to your research paper showing exactly which activities are "busywork."

https://www.bls.gov/tus/lexiconwex2016.pdf

umm... ok so you provided a "lexicon" of a "survey" that doesn't prove anything.

that swishing sound ... it's the point, going right over your head.

Again, most of the lines from that list were busywork.

Vaccinating children, doctors appts, are not busywork.

Watching your ipad while you clean the storage closet, write thank you notes, dust the guest room, etc is busywork.

Anonymous wrote:
Again with a list of mostly irrelevant things. "Christmas Eve menu" Really? As if without that men would be lost? The majority of items on your men-are-taken-care-of-list are not directed towards the man.

When I was single (mid-thirties) my Thanksgiving and Christmas meals were healthy snacks eaten at the gym. Now that I'm married I don't have time for the gym because I'm running around taking care of all sorts of "family tasks" that I personally DO NOT NEED. A large percentage of things "scheduled for me" merely add to my list of ever growing to-do items that do not add value to my life. I can't remember the last time I had time for the gym and I get to listen to a wife that makes off-hand comments about my "belly" and tells me I should eat so late at night after I'm finally able to shut off the computer at 10:00 pm after a 14 hour work day.

Don't add a pile of irrelevant items done for your own benefit and then claim you are doing it for me.

Are you deliberately being stupid? When you were single, you didn't have children to take care of, feed, clothe, vaccinate and furnish their rooms. You think taking your children to the doctor, signing them up for camps and activities, and making sure their room has a damn bed that looks somewhat easy on the eye is busy work? Or, I get it, you personally DO NOT NEED it, therefore it doesn't have to be done?

Dude. We all had time for the gym when we were single. I was in the gym or at the skating rink six damn times a week before I got married. Now my evenings are spent on cooking dinner, feeding dinner, cleaning up from it, planning for tomorrow and making sure the freaking roof doesn't cave on me. Because it's not just me anymore. And if you're married, it's not just you anymore, so don't give me the bullshit line how you PERSONALLY don't need, because guess I what? I, too, don't PERSONALLY need vaccinated children, or beds in their rooms, or school lunches, but I'd like them to not die of preventable causes, not sleep on the floor, or not go hungry at school, therefore I spend my energy and time doing things for other small people that I PERSONALLY do not need. Time that used to be spent in the gym.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Busywork isn't household labor.

Ok well, feel free to delve into the research on gender and household labor, because the sources pretty clearly delineate all the different kinds of tasks. I look forward to your research paper showing exactly which activities are "busywork."

https://www.bls.gov/tus/lexiconwex2016.pdf

umm... ok so you provided a "lexicon" of a "survey" that doesn't prove anything.

Anonymous wrote:Busywork isn't household labor.

Ok well, feel free to delve into the research on gender and household labor, because the sources pretty clearly delineate all the different kinds of tasks. I look forward to your research paper showing exactly which activities are "busywork."

https://www.bls.gov/tus/lexiconwex2016.pdf

Actual research shows women are going to complain and feel hard-done-by no matter what the man does. The End.

Busywork isn't household labor.

Anonymous wrote:"Actual research"

LMAO

Huh? There's tons of research on household labor. Here's one nice study:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10331320

It concludes "on average women are performing household labor beyond the point of maximum psychological benefit, whereas men are not."

"Actual research"

LMAO

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Fwiw, not planning family events will result in angry in-laws and we know how that goes. Same with not sending thank you notes.

You think thank-you notes are important, we got that. Arguably they are. The previous statement however that men remarry so that someone else can write their thank-you notes is wrong.

Obviously they don't remarry for thank you notes and I wasn't saying that. The reason they remarry is probably subconscious. But a married man is used to having someone do EVERYTHING for them. For so many men all they have to do is go to work and maybe do the dishes and they have this relatively cush life. A life where they live in a nice home, go on vacations, have social events scheduled, kids are taken care of etc.

I have a subconscious desire to have someone else do the dishes? Funny, I'm pretty sure my goal is a pretty face and a cute ass at the end of the day.

Yeah man, I don't know how I got the dishes or laundry done or kept the house clean when I was single. Oh wait, I did it myself and it wasn't that hard. Yet for some reason women insist they should get looooooaaaaads of credit for this work.

You're proving my point. You think managing and running a household is mainly dishes and laundry. My husband helps and does these things too. It's all of the other stuff that most men don't do or are unaware of.

Bullshit. When I was single I did all that "other stuff" too. And a lot of that "other stuff" is stuff only you care about, so don't bother adding it to my "to do" list or acting like it's something we should share doing.

look, if you actually do your equal share of all the labor involved in running a household, fine, great. the point is, actual research shows that most men don't.

Anonymous wrote:The point is doing dishes and laundry are the normal, required housework. Normal cleaning and work in the yard.

All this invented stuff like thank you notes or mopping the storage closet once a month are mostly an excuse to ignore your kids and watch TV on your ipad while your husband again does the stuff that is necessary.

Yard work and house maintenance/repairs do not count on the did-you-do-your-50% list. The universe of activities it takes to run a house are never fully considered. When a DW makes a list of what the DH hasn't done it always overlooks all the foundational stuff he does.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Fwiw, not planning family events will result in angry in-laws and we know how that goes. Same with not sending thank you notes.

You think thank-you notes are important, we got that. Arguably they are. The previous statement however that men remarry so that someone else can write their thank-you notes is wrong.

Obviously they don't remarry for thank you notes and I wasn't saying that. The reason they remarry is probably subconscious. But a married man is used to having someone do EVERYTHING for them. For so many men all they have to do is go to work and maybe do the dishes and they have this relatively cush life. A life where they live in a nice home, go on vacations, have social events scheduled, kids are taken care of etc.

I have a subconscious desire to have someone else do the dishes? Funny, I'm pretty sure my goal is a pretty face and a cute ass at the end of the day.

Yeah man, I don't know how I got the dishes or laundry done or kept the house clean when I was single. Oh wait, I did it myself and it wasn't that hard. Yet for some reason women insist they should get looooooaaaaads of credit for this work.

You're proving my point. You think managing and running a household is mainly dishes and laundry. My husband helps and does these things too. It's all of the other stuff that most men don't do or are unaware of.

Bullshit. When I was single I did all that "other stuff" too. And a lot of that "other stuff" is stuff only you care about, so don't bother adding it to my "to do" list or acting like it's something we should share doing.