Anonymous wrote:mentally ill person, child of 2 mentally ill parents with family history of MI here. I am married and have a child.

I didn't know I had a MI when I married. If DH had known, would have he had married me? Hard to say. I have done a lot of work to get better. But knowing what I know now, I don't think we would have had children, and I'm really glad we stopped at one. When I'm having a bad day one can be almost more than I can handle.

I understand why people are saying they wouldn't marry a MI person or have kids. Knowing what I now know about myself, I don't know if I'd have married me either and I do wonder what I'm doing to my child without meaning to. Sigh.

If you don't mind me asking, what is your mental illness?

mentally ill person, child of 2 mentally ill parents with family history of MI here. I am married and have a child.

I didn't know I had a MI when I married. If DH had known, would have he had married me? Hard to say. I have done a lot of work to get better. But knowing what I know now, I don't think we would have had children, and I'm really glad we stopped at one. When I'm having a bad day one can be almost more than I can handle.

I understand why people are saying they wouldn't marry a MI person or have kids. Knowing what I now know about myself, I don't know if I'd have married me either and I do wonder what I'm doing to my child without meaning to. Sigh.

I have a relative who married without disclosing her history of mental health issues. She forbid the family from telling her DH about her past and he still doesn't know the full picture.

The have kids and I have to give her DH credit for sticking it ,out through her episodes. I feel sorry for him and his kids he is stuck in a really hard situation because she runs the show whether she is sane or not.

Nope-and not if a parent has it either.

Anonymous wrote:This thread seems filled with responses from many, many people who have dealt with mental ill people and would never do it again - and who worry about their children, etc.

And then a few mentally ill people throwing around the word bigot.

"Would never do it again" might be a little too far for some cases. For some less debilitating versions it might be more a situation of wishing for a better understanding at the beginning of the relationship in order to factor it in to life's decisions and expectations (including if/how many children to consider).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you marry someone who might get cancer some day? Would you marry someone who might start overeating and gain 60 pounds some day? Would you marry someone who shows no sign of mental illness until a brain injury at age 50?

This is such an offensive topic to get in to. Might surprise you OP, but there are many, many people with mental illnesses who frequent DCUM. I'd probably marry most of them before I wanted to marry someone as ignorant as you.

Were there some posts deleted or something? All I see is op asked if mental illness is a deal breaker. What is ignorant about that?

Some posts here are from mentally ill people. They have their own perspective, maybe can't see how difficult dealing with them is. They have to deal with their own pain, their illness causes a lot of pain for others too, do they get it?

Anonymous wrote:Would you marry someone who might get cancer some day? Would you marry someone who might start overeating and gain 60 pounds some day? Would you marry someone who shows no sign of mental illness until a brain injury at age 50?

This is such an offensive topic to get in to. Might surprise you OP, but there are many, many people with mental illnesses who frequent DCUM. I'd probably marry most of them before I wanted to marry someone as ignorant as you.

Were there some posts deleted or something? All I see is op asked if mental illness is a deal breaker. What is ignorant about that?

This thread seems filled with responses from many, many people who have dealt with mental ill people and would never do it again - and who worry about their children, etc.

And then a few mentally ill people throwing around the word bigot.

Anonymous wrote:I'm afraid OP is the person with a diagnosed mental illness, and so it pains me to say this, but no, I personally would not marry a partner with anything in the DSM.

My perspective is that of a person who married and then was divorced from a man with a basic, very common mental disorder (nothing dramatic or rare). I'm also in health care and consult every week on patients admitted to inpatient behavioral health units in hospitals. I have immense compassion for and understanding of people with bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, anxiety etc. I want all my tax dollars earmarked to study and treat these diseases. I have a child with a (for now) mild form of one of these diseases.

And ***given the choice,*** I would not attempt to set up a life and procreate with a person with any of these disorders, knowing what I know and have already own lived.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Terrible thread. Mental illness is such a broad term. It's like asking if you'd marry someone with respiratory illness and including mild allergy sufferers in the same bucket as terminally I'll lung cancer patients. Most people will suffer from some form of mental illness at some point in their lives. Many suffer from chronic but relatively mild symptoms most of their lives and most of them are not aware of it. Some of the most wonderful, most talented, and most successful people to have ever lived and contributed to society have suffered from one mental illness or another. If you want to give such people a pass, by all means do.

All of these "talented" people with mental illness that you are thinking of have horrible stories of abusive family lives, etc.

If you have wonderful stories of the mentally ill - please cite one.

How about that guy in A Beautiful Mind.

The movie is not the real story...John Nash spent years in and out of a hospital against his will.

Upwards of 50% of the US population has received some sort of treatment for mental illness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Terrible thread. Mental illness is such a broad term. It's like asking if you'd marry someone with respiratory illness and including mild allergy sufferers in the same bucket as terminally I'll lung cancer patients. Most people will suffer from some form of mental illness at some point in their lives. Many suffer from chronic but relatively mild symptoms most of their lives and most of them are not aware of it. Some of the most wonderful, most talented, and most successful people to have ever lived and contributed to society have suffered from one mental illness or another. If you want to give such people a pass, by all means do.

All of these "talented" people with mental illness that you are thinking of have horrible stories of abusive family lives, etc.

If you have wonderful stories of the mentally ill - please cite one.

How about that guy in A Beautiful Mind.

No, absolutely never.
Physical disability, amputee - yes.

Anonymous wrote:I'm afraid OP is the person with a diagnosed mental illness, and so it pains me to say this, but no, I personally would not marry a partner with anything in the DSM.

My perspective is that of a person who married and then was divorced from a man with a basic, very common mental disorder (nothing dramatic or rare). I'm also in health care and consult every week on patients admitted to inpatient behavioral health units in hospitals. I have immense compassion for and understanding of people with bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, anxiety etc. I want all my tax dollars earmarked to study and treat these diseases. I have a child with a (for now) mild form of one of these diseases.

And ***given the choice,*** I would not attempt to set up a life and procreate with a person with any of these disorders, knowing what I know and have already own lived.

Unfortunately, I mostly agree. If you don't have close experience with mental illness, then chances are you underestimate how disruptive it can be. Of course, it really depends on the specifics of the type of illness, but I would suggest at a minimum moving slowly to give yourself time to do a lot of research (i.e. beyond DCUM). If you don't want kids (and are confident you won't change your mind) then I might relax things a little since you could more easily dissolve the marriage if needed, but otherwise I think you really should spend some time considering what it might be like watching your children struggle with versions (that could be milder or worse) while trying to raise them with a partner whose own symptoms may become worse under the stress of raising kids (and you are scared to divorce because you don't want the kids influenced by them alone 50% of the time). Sorry to feel the need to write this, but if you are entering the situation with your eyes part open you probably owe it to yourself to open them all the way.

PP, there are so so many. For just one example, watch the documentary Hello, I'm David.