Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, you didn't really give any negative info.

lol ok some negatives

can be defensive, and come off guarded
can be snappy
sometimes interrupt ppl when they talk

OP, are your rigid politically and personally? That can be a total turnoff.

Op" not politically....I actually don't care for Getting heavy into politics.
I mentioned those upkeeP activities to Show I like taking care of myself.

Anonymous wrote:PP here. To add, I went briefly yesterday for 30 mins because I overbooked for Cinco de Mayo. I went alone and met a guy during the brief time I was there.

Nice! Op here....I wanted to go out but the earlier rain killed mY social mood.

OP, you really didn't tell us much about you. I will say, however, that the fact you had to point out something as superficial as you get mani/pedis is a red flag to me that you are high maintenance or hung up on your own looks. I'm a woman, but I find the women I know who get regular blowouts and hit he nail salon weekly are superficial and boring. As others have said, work on you, do things you like to do, stop looking for someone else to fulfill you and it may just happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, you didn't really give any negative info.

lol ok some negatives

can be defensive, and come off guarded
can be snappy
sometimes interrupt ppl when they talk

OP, are your rigid politically and personally? That can be a total turnoff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should shy away from saying you want to settle down if that's what you want. Who cares if you scare away a few guys? If that scares them away you probably wouldn't have been a good match anyway.

Better to find out early on than after two years of dancing around commitment issues.

thats what I am definitely trying to avoid. Im already 28.

No one is saying wait 2 years before expressing you want something that will lead to marriage. But saying it on the first few dates is going to push people away. They're going to feel like you aren't interested in getting to know them or that they're being rushed.

I felt like that as a woman when I was dating with guys who were gung-ho on starting a family. I felt pressured. I wanted a guy who was interested in getting to know me, not someone who was just looking for someone who checked the boxes and would fit into his already well-established life plan.

I do know one couple who met online through a dating site, and they both clearly stated they wanted to get married and have kids. They didn't date long, got married, have kids. They seem happy enough b/c their kids are still young, but they don't really seem in love or really even interested in each other beyond the creating a family thing. Maybe that works for them. Or maybe it works now, but when they kids are older, it will fall apart. Who knows. I hope it works for them, but that's not really what I ever wanted out of a relationship.

Anonymous wrote:What is going on here? You are getting some terrible advice here. Don't say you want to settle, don't be too put-together? What?

That's a perfect way of meeting the wrong person. Be exactly who you are and never be anybody else. Only then will you find someone that's perfect for you.

There's a difference between being who you are versus putting a lot of pressure on someone when you barely just met them.

No one is saying she should lie about wanting to settle. But if you're on the second date, it's a bit much to start telling someone you're looking for a husband. That can make the other person feel like you aren't interested in who he is; you're just interested in filling the husband slot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't express wanting to settle down early.

I have heard this....why is this a kiss of death?

It puts pressure on the relationship before there even is a relationship.

No one wants to feel like they're being interviewed to fill a position, and that's what it feels like when someone tells you early on that they are looking for a spouse. It suddenly inserts expectation into the situation when you really should just be getting to know each other.

There is a point in the relationship when it's appropriate to talk about these things, but not the early stages of dating. It's hard enough at that point just getting to know each other and getting past the facades people put up when they first meet each other (as in, being on best behavior). You really need to reach a point where you feel you have started to get past the superficial stuff and are starting to know each other. That's when it's appropriate to say that you are hoping the relationship will lead to more.

It's difficult to say when that is the appropriate time. I'd say when you start sharing things that go beyond the basics that you'd put on a dating site, when you start to open up. It's around the time when you feel like you've dated the person enough to make the step toward exclusivity (not dating other people). That's when you say that you are hoping for a relationship that leads to marriage and a family.

OP - send me a few pics and I'll give a full critique

PP here. To add, I went briefly yesterday for 30 mins because I overbooked for Cinco de Mayo. I went alone and met a guy during the brief time I was there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hit up Afropolitan this Friday. Dress to impress. Find similar events. Go with one girlfriend. Or alone if you have the confidence too. Be selective/mindful about where you go to socialize. Shop/dine/exercise in places where your type would congregate. Black churches are a waste of time for socializing.Receive the word and bounce! Single, heterosexual black men aren't usually in church. The few in attendance are grossly outnumbered.

Not the OP, but what is this? It sounds interesting. I may go!

Check it out! First Fridays happy hour/networking event/party for folks in the diaspora. Occurs in 5 cities in the US at once, I believe.

Do the women greatly outnumber the men as they do at many of these single events?

Nope. Pretty even split.

Anonymous wrote:
sometimes interrupt ppl when they talk

I hate that. Diarrhea of the mouth.

-- A guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hit up Afropolitan this Friday. Dress to impress. Find similar events. Go with one girlfriend. Or alone if you have the confidence too. Be selective/mindful about where you go to socialize. Shop/dine/exercise in places where your type would congregate. Black churches are a waste of time for socializing.Receive the word and bounce! Single, heterosexual black men aren't usually in church. The few in attendance are grossly outnumbered.

Not the OP, but what is this? It sounds interesting. I may go!

Check it out! First Fridays happy hour/networking event/party for folks in the diaspora. Occurs in 5 cities in the US at once, I believe.

Do the women greatly outnumber the men as they do at many of these single events?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hit up Afropolitan this Friday. Dress to impress. Find similar events. Go with one girlfriend. Or alone if you have the confidence too. Be selective/mindful about where you go to socialize. Shop/dine/exercise in places where your type would congregate. Black churches are a waste of time for socializing.Receive the word and bounce! Single, heterosexual black men aren't usually in church. The few in attendance are grossly outnumbered.

Not the OP, but what is this? It sounds interesting. I may go!

Check it out! First Fridays happy hour/networking event/party for folks in the diaspora. Occurs in 5 cities in the US at once, I believe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with some of the other advice...I'm recently divorced and have had good luck with dating. I always try to seem open and happy to meet new people. It's done wonders.

It is so freeing as a divorcee no pressure to settle down, have kids, a house... All those societal goal posts are gone and I can just do what I want and have fun

+1 Another hot sexy AA

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yellow bone or red bone?

Oh, shut up. This is why we can't tell y'all anything.

As my main man Ice Cube the Don Dadda once said...

"I'm just looking for a big yellow, in six inch stilettos"

Can't believe folks are still colorstruck in 2017.

PP, thats the same white guy who learned those terms like 30 years late and now uses em in every thread about black women.