I dont think anyone is telling OP to have her daughter "cave to peer presssure"- its more they are telling her that clothes matter to most girls and she should stop being such a cheap a$$ and buy her DD some cute, nice clothes.

You cannot equate doing drugs or drinking to wearing cute clothes. That is absurd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a middle ground- buy her some name brand things within your budget and to the degree you think appropriate.
I'm not a fan of spending $100 on lululemon leggings, but I supplement DD's babysitting earnings to help her get a pair or two. These things make a difference between struggling socially and doing well for some kids.

What the?? $100 for a pair of leggings? Those ugly leggings that show camel toe and have ugly prints on them? They are popular for moms, not kids.

And they show your tushy crack - come on, don't ruin the karma by clueing people in.

When my DD was Lulu Lemon obsessed I brought her to the store and while there I tried on a pair of their leggings.
I came out of the dressing room and my DD and the sales lady said 'no. Put those back you can't wear those!'
I started pleading..
DD left with a new headband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just can't believe all of you thinking buying brand name clothes will prevent bullying and it's just for middle school. No it will not get better in high school. It is about sneakers now, but in high school you will need to buy your kids latest smartphone model, a nice car etc... Then you'll wonder why your college educated child with a job can't seem to save any money. It's because they will have to have the Kate Spade bag and Jimmy Choo shoes to fit in. It never ends.

That is a huge leap from buying a few nice brands that aren't crazy expensive to a Kate Spade bag or Jimmy Choo shoes. My parents bought us a mix of clothing and funny thing the first thing I did with my first job was to open a Roth IRA. Nothing wrong with one nice pair of sneakers. I usually buy the cheap ones on clearance but at this point I'm not sure if they are even worth it as my child doesn't flip shoes sizes often and they wear out (and he's not hard on shoes) much more quickly. It does end as you teach your child balance. Mine knows to shop clearance and knows that's when we go on buying sprees.

I graduated high school in 2004 and we all carried Kate Spade bags starting in 1998, when I was 13/14. It was a BFD. We also exclusively wore Steve Madden shoes, Silver Jeans, Michael Stars shirts, A&F, Mavi, and a little later 7 For All Mankind...

You sound insufferable.

You can get many of the brands at TJ Max and Marshalls. You do sound insufferable.

Kate Spade and the rest of thaf stuff is at Marshall's these days. Just not the new releases - so, we're back to insufferable I guess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School uniforms would solve this problem across the board.

I'm poor and don't believe in school uniforms. They are a bandaid that don't address the real problem, which is kids thinking they are better people if they are richer or have more resourceful parents or have certain clothes. I'd rather schools put effort into changing THAT mindset.

Schools are there to educate your kids in math, science, reading, writing, etc. 'Not making fun of people who dress funny' is not on that list.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your DD tell the main who is doing the bullying "I can't wear that brand - it's a fat girl brand. But it's a great look on you!" Said with a huge grin and sweet as pie voice. That will shut her up quick.....

Why would you tell your child to say something like this?

Were you born rotten, pp, or did you acquire this character deficiency later in life?

I'm fat; but that's funny.

It's not funny.

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised at the responses on here basically telling Op to help her DD cave to peer pressure. What happens when your kid is made fun of for not doing shots at the party, or not trying the bong hit?
I would speak tot he school about the bullying. The school needs to tell the kids to stop it.
I would give my DD a budget for clothes and let her decide what to get with it.
I would also take my kid to some volunteer opportunities so she can see what it's like to worry about having clothes or food at all, never mind name brands.

My DD does these things all the time (volunteering). She still wants some name brand clothes. Just a few, not a lot.
It's not wrong to have some things that you would like.

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised at the responses on here basically telling Op to help her DD cave to peer pressure. What happens when your kid is made fun of for not doing shots at the party, or not trying the bong hit?
I would speak tot he school about the bullying. The school needs to tell the kids to stop it.
I would give my DD a budget for clothes and let her decide what to get with it.
I would also take my kid to some volunteer opportunities so she can see what it's like to worry about having clothes or food at all, never mind name brands.

If DD doesn't want to do those things she should find another friend group. Easy.
The more she's bullied and no one cares to try to correct it the more likely it is she'll want to do the shots and the bong hits though.

I'm really surprised at the responses on here basically telling Op to help her DD cave to peer pressure. What happens when your kid is made fun of for not doing shots at the party, or not trying the bong hit?
I would speak tot he school about the bullying. The school needs to tell the kids to stop it.
I would give my DD a budget for clothes and let her decide what to get with it.
I would also take my kid to some volunteer opportunities so she can see what it's like to worry about having clothes or food at all, never mind name brands.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your DD tell the main who is doing the bullying "I can't wear that brand - it's a fat girl brand. But it's a great look on you!" Said with a huge grin and sweet as pie voice. That will shut her up quick.....

Why would you tell your child to say something like this?

Were you born rotten, pp, or did you acquire this character deficiency later in life?

I'm fat; but that's funny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School uniforms would solve this problem across the board.

I'm poor and don't believe in school uniforms. They are a bandaid that don't address the real problem, which is kids thinking they are better people if they are richer or have more resourceful parents or have certain clothes. I'd rather schools put effort into changing THAT mindset.

Never.Gonna.Happen.

We live in a capitalist society, PP.

the "in" clothes aren't always the most expensive (like H&M etc). As someone bullied/left out & still remembers from middle schools - it can just be the little difference of not being a target vs. being one sometimes. I'd go half way on it.

Anonymous wrote:School uniforms would solve this problem across the board.

I'm poor and don't believe in school uniforms. They are a bandaid that don't address the real problem, which is kids thinking they are better people if they are richer or have more resourceful parents or have certain clothes. I'd rather schools put effort into changing THAT mindset.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School uniforms would solve this problem across the board.

Not necessarily. Then they just focus on shoes, bags, jewelry.

Most schools with uniforms limit this stuff, too.

Exactly. My daughter is at Holton and she doesn't even care about name brands. We aren't poor but we are on a lot of FA and not one of rich families. I credit uniforms for her complete lack of caring of name brands. Throw in the all-girls and no need to impress boys, which really increases the girl bullying anyway - and we are gold. In upper school the girls have free dress Friday and you would think they would come in all done up in name brands and hip clothes. Nope, they come in Holton sweatpants and a t-shirt/sweatshirt. In the Spring/summer it is sport shorts, tees and sneakers or flip flops.

Holton lower school - no jewelry, no make-up, shoes must be tan or navy. Most wear navy mary-janes, navy Toms or tan boat shoes.
Holton middle - earrings only, any type of shoes. Most wear athletic sneakers, Converse, Uggs or basic flip flops depending on time of year. Free shirt on Fridays (they all wear t-shirts)
Holton upper - free dress Fridays (they all look like they rolled out of bed)

Also, they have a used uniform sale and I picked up jumpers for $6 and skirts for $5. SO much cheaper and buying one pair of $40 toms for half the year is easy for almost anyone.


Uniforms 100% can solve a problem like this.

Oh dear, PP, you are seriously crazy if you believe Holton is free of the have-to-have-certain-brands phenomenon. Its is one of the worst of the schools in this regard. Uniforms help while you are in school (although not ever with shoes, not even in lower school) but if your daughter socializes at all outside of school, she will feel the pressure. Doesn't she go shopping with her friends on weeknds? or play on sports teams? or go to parties? mixers? bar mitvahs, etc??? It matters what she wears to all of these places. And just because you cant tell what the brand is or decipher the look, doesnt mean its not perfectly clear to all the girls.

I have kids in several of the DC-area elite privates and you are really, really wrong (and I'd love to know what grade your daughter is in). Anythign byeon the basic uniforms matters at some point and to more and more girls as they age. For instance, don't be fooled by the just-rolled-out-of-bed highschool look. There is an unacknowledged "cool factor" to this look and its totally "stylized." There are undercurrents to every selection and every look as to what is okay and what is not. Also, what you have written above that I bolded, makes me think you are pretty clueless about girls and women in general. Girls don't wear specific clothes brands, or even styles, to impress boys. Most boys don't notice or care. Girls dress to impress other girls. It has always and forever been that way. And it is most prevalent at all-girls schools. Holton, NCS and Visi are probably the schools where it is most intense. It is less of a big deal at Maret, Sidwell, GDS and Potomac.

What type of kid's are at your school OP? Is it the wealthy kids that do this? Or is it the middle class kid's trying to be wealthy that like to "show off"? I wonder what we'll be dealing with when my kids enter middle school in a few years. It's such a stupid waste of money to buy "brands" just to show off. I thought kids nowadays were into no brands or more discreet brands and not being a walking billboard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shopping at stores for poor will do that too you

Not paying attention in English class will do that ^^ to your writing skills.

Wow, way to be extremely rude.

Wait, referring to "stores for poor" is not rude, but pointing out improper grammar/English is? Got it.