Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a horrible thrower. I can't count how many remotes he's broken and walls damaged because he chucks things out of anger. One time threw my kindle in my direction, bounced up from the ottoman and hit me in the face. You'd think that would have changed things, but nope. Threw the stocking holder across the room once. Until this year I hauled that broken stocking holder out every year so he could see his damage, but this year I finally switched it. I have 3 1/2 more years before I can go. I'm with PP. I can't believe I married someone like this and failed at the one thing I was hoping to be good at. Being in the room with someone throwing things in anger is simply scary, and it's meant to be. So yeah, DV.

I wish you had called the police when the kindle hit you in the face. That is assault and he could have thought things overnight in jail. Maybe then he would finally “see the damage.”

+1

DH has been throwing things for most of twenty something years. Yes, it included throwing stuff at me or the kids. It was worse before it was better, and I wish I knew then what I now know. If you have the chance to call the cops on him, do so.

The anger is internalized, and the abusive spouses learn that acting out on their anger, against anyone, is okay. It is not okay.

It is dv it is emotional abuse

Well, after that one instance, I pursued divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the State of Virginia, it has to be physical violence against another person. What you are describing is not considered domestic violence according to the law. I know this because my husband is a Domestic Violence Officer in Virginia. If you came to his office and said "My spouse threw plates against the wall during an argument.", he could do nothing for you.

How about if he threw knives at you?

What if she threw tissues? Or crumpled up pieces of paper?

It depends on the situation and whether or not it made you feel afraid. Throwing knives at someone could seriously injure them. Throwing your husband’s dirty socks at him because you are tired of cleaning up after him isn’t intended to intimidate.

So, no. Throwing objects during an argument does not always equal domestic violence.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a disagreement on whether or not throwing or breaking objects (and not hitting anyone) during an argument is = domestic violence. If someone throws something or puts a fist through a wall during a fight is it considered domestic violence/abuse?

Let's take a poll. What do you think?

Yes, and the Clintons did it in the White House. Ask the FBI and the Secret Service

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a horrible thrower. I can't count how many remotes he's broken and walls damaged because he chucks things out of anger. One time threw my kindle in my direction, bounced up from the ottoman and hit me in the face. You'd think that would have changed things, but nope. Threw the stocking holder across the room once. Until this year I hauled that broken stocking holder out every year so he could see his damage, but this year I finally switched it. I have 3 1/2 more years before I can go. I'm with PP. I can't believe I married someone like this and failed at the one thing I was hoping to be good at. Being in the room with someone throwing things in anger is simply scary, and it's meant to be. So yeah, DV.

I wish you had called the police when the kindle hit you in the face. That is assault and he could have thought things overnight in jail. Maybe then he would finally “see the damage.”

It is intimidation. It's like saying-- If i could, I would do this to your face.

Only when I man does it. Women get away with that and a whole lot more.

I used to do this, it was a very unfortunate side effect off poorly managed PTSD. I don't do it anymore because I've reprogrammed my nervous system - which is no small feat, by the way - and also I want my house to be a safe and happy place for everyone who lives here, which is not how my house was growing up.

My husband is a horrible thrower. I can't count how many remotes he's broken and walls damaged because he chucks things out of anger. One time threw my kindle in my direction, bounced up from the ottoman and hit me in the face. You'd think that would have changed things, but nope. Threw the stocking holder across the room once. Until this year I hauled that broken stocking holder out every year so he could see his damage, but this year I finally switched it. I have 3 1/2 more years before I can go. I'm with PP. I can't believe I married someone like this and failed at the one thing I was hoping to be good at. Being in the room with someone throwing things in anger is simply scary, and it's meant to be. So yeah, DV.

Throwing an object during an argument can be considered a form of domestic violence if it poses a threat to someone's safety or creates an atmosphere of fear.

Acts that endanger others or cause emotional distress may be legally categorized as domestic violence, depending on the jurisdiction.

It's important to seek help and support if you're experiencing or witnessing such behavior.

Anonymous wrote:Former prosecutor here. DV frequently seemed to begin this way and over time escalated to physical violence. I would see it as a huge red flag and get out before it gets worse.

This. I would never stay in a relationship with someone who throws and breaks things (and I have a close relative who throws and breaks things and it did escalate to harming himself and others).

Anonymous wrote:Of course it is because it’s the 21st century and words have lost all meaning.

Yes someone throwing an inanimate object on the floor (not at you) is “violence”. You’ll probably need years of therapy to recover from the trauma.

(Don’t get me wrong, it’s incredibly immature and indicative of an anger management problem.)

NP. My (decidedly 20th century) mom grew up in a household where things were thrown and broken often during arguments, and actually has been in therapy as long as that's been an option.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a disagreement on whether or not throwing or breaking objects (and not hitting anyone) during an argument is = domestic violence. If someone throws something or puts a fist through a wall during a fight is it considered domestic violence/abuse?

Let's take a poll. What do you think?

I'd say emotional abuse...it's scary and traumatic to witness. It implies that if the plate's crashing to the ground, you might be next.

This. It is from of escalating emotional abuse and a threat for a purpose.

Hard pass on people who do this.

Of course it is because it’s the 21st century and words have lost all meaning.

Yes someone throwing an inanimate object on the floor (not at you) is “violence”. You’ll probably need years of therapy to recover from the trauma.

(Don’t get me wrong, it’s incredibly immature and indicative of an anger management problem.)