Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone overshares...everything. Where your kids go to college is far more important than checking in at some chain restaurant.

Same. I want to hear about your kids. I don't care so much about what you had for lunch.

I want to hear about the school play. I don't care if you brag about your kid's college acceptance, but I will think less of you. Bragging has long been associated with people who are insecure, living through their kids, or oblivious to others' disappointments. There are good reasons and precedents for these interpretations of your bragging, and no amount of defending bragging on DCUM is going to change how others perceive you. Don't brag.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I truly believe that people who think posting about their kids is bragging are probably more full of themselves than the ones who are doing the "bragging." In other words, if you kid got accepted to Columbia (I'm talking to you Columbia mom) and you don't share it with friends, then you must think you are too good to let us in on it.

This is bizarre. What logic did you use to get here? How can you equate being sensitive to others' feelings with being "full of it"?

You know that the definition of bragging is to build yourself up and, whether you explicitly intend it or not, the result is that you put others below you. During this stressful period where, as PPs have pointed out, equally hardworking and equally qualified kids are accepted or rejected by what seems like luck, and everybody is trying to read the tea leaves, it seems particularly unempathetic for PP to post that we have some "right" to brag.

See that's the thing. When someone shares good news, I don't feel put down at all. I am the parent of two kids who have struggled academically and athletically. It doesn't bother me to see people post stories about sports wins or college acceptances. That is happy news. I feel sad when people post sad news.

A parent who is "empathizing" by not saying nothing is being presumptuous because they assume people will automatically be jealous, envious, hurt, angry, sad. That, in itself, would "put others below you," because you are already feeling bad for them now having your good fortune. Can't you see this?

I cannot see this at all. I'm glad you don't feel put down and it speaks well of you.

But I will never buy the argument that modesty = presumptuous = bad. This doesn't make any sense to me. Knowing about your own good fortune is understandable. But wanting to protect others who may be suffering from disappointment is a *good* thing in my strong opinion.

I really can't get my mind around your thinking here. I know we're in the age of Trump now, but I certainly wasn't raised to think like this and I didn't raise my kids to think that modesty is somehow bad, either.

I think you can't see these other, disappointed people. You are surely aware that there are families out there, as we speak, who are wondering why their child with similar stats was rejected from a first choice ED and are now dealing with the heartbreak. My own kid had great results, but DC held off posting on Facebook because this particular ivy rejected a good friend. Can't you see these people?

Anonymous wrote:Everyone overshares...everything. Where your kids go to college is far more important than checking in at some chain restaurant.

Same. I want to hear about your kids. I don't care so much about what you had for lunch.

Everyone overshares...everything. Where your kids go to college is far more important than checking in at some chain restaurant.

^meant to type not having your good fortune.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I truly believe that people who think posting about their kids is bragging are probably more full of themselves than the ones who are doing the "bragging." In other words, if you kid got accepted to Columbia (I'm talking to you Columbia mom) and you don't share it with friends, then you must think you are too good to let us in on it.

This is bizarre. What logic did you use to get here? How can you equate being sensitive to others' feelings with being "full of it"?

You know that the definition of bragging is to build yourself up and, whether you explicitly intend it or not, the result is that you put others below you. During this stressful period where, as PPs have pointed out, equally hardworking and equally qualified kids are accepted or rejected by what seems like luck, and everybody is trying to read the tea leaves, it seems particularly unempathetic for PP to post that we have some "right" to brag.

See that's the thing. When someone shares good news, I don't feel put down at all. I am the parent of two kids who have struggled academically and athletically. It doesn't bother me to see people post stories about sports wins or college acceptances. That is happy news. I feel sad when people post sad news.

A parent who is "empathizing" by not saying nothing is being presumptuous because they assume people will automatically be jealous, envious, hurt, angry, sad. That, in itself, would "put others below you," because you are already feeling bad for them now having your good fortune. Can't you see this?

Anonymous wrote:

I truly believe that people who think posting about their kids is bragging are probably more full of themselves than the ones who are doing the "bragging." In other words, if you kid got accepted to Columbia (I'm talking to you Columbia mom) and you don't share it with friends, then you must think you are too good to let us in on it.

This is bizarre. What logic did you use to get here? How can you equate being sensitive to others' feelings with being "full of it"?

You know that the definition of bragging is to build yourself up and, whether you explicitly intend it or not, the result is that you put others below you. During this stressful period where, as PPs have pointed out, equally hardworking and equally qualified kids are accepted or rejected by what seems like luck, and everybody is trying to read the tea leaves, it seems particularly unempathetic for PP to post that we have some "right" to brag.

I truly believe that people who think posting about their kids is bragging are probably more full of themselves than the ones who are doing the "bragging." In other words, if you kid got accepted to Columbia (I'm talking to you Columbia mom) and you don't share it with friends, then you must think you are too good to let us in on it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so confused by your post. Did your friends' kids attend public high schools, or public universities? Do you think they attend the public colleges but secretly covet the private universities? They won't covet the tuition you'll be shelling out for that top notch school. Here's a secret: Kids who attend public universities have a better financial outcome when they aren't trying to pay off an enormous student debt when they graduate. That is why your friends are anti-private.

While the college is private, I'm worried about triggering public secondary school friends & family.

You worry about very odd things? It's great! Congratulate your daughter and be proud. No one is going to slight you for it?

Anonymous wrote:Buy a tasteful Dartmouth crew neck sweatshirt.
Take picture of kid in it.
Post pic with caption: Dartmouth '21

How is one Dartmouth sweatshirt more "tasteful" than another?

Post a random pic of your kid and tag him/her. People who just have to know can click on it (and trust me they will) and see on his page that he's going to Dartmouth. No bragging necessary on your part and if they're insecure or jealous, they asked for it.

Buy a tasteful Dartmouth crew neck sweatshirt.
Take picture of kid in it.
Post pic with caption: Dartmouth '21

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1000. Just because Trump brags all the time doesn't mean it's now socially acceptable. Nor does it inoculate you against people thinking you (or Trump) are tone deaf or, alternately, a sad loser living through your kids. Most people who read your brag are going to roll their eyes at you for one of these reasons, with a handful of charitable exceptions. Signed, my kid is at Columbia (but I'm anonymous here, so not bragging)

Actually I have bragged about other things about my kids and I get quite a few positive responses to them. So for those who roll their eyes, they can unfollow, or unfriend if they feel that strongly. Parents have bragging rights for their kids. Lots of my friends post photos of their kids getting awards, great report cards, sports performances, musical performances, etc. etc. Parents have the right to be proud of their kids, and lots of our friends like seeing what the kids are doing. So the rest of you who feel either jealous, annoyed, furious, envious, or whatever, can go away.

Lots of my friends have posted about where their kids ended up going for college. It is news that is fit to be shared. I don't care if it's Harvard or Montgomery College.

Actually most people, including you, probably do care. There's an element of prurient curiosity and schadenfreude that's impossible to deny ("Larlo who kicked my DS in elementary school is going to Montgomery College"). Maybe some of you are generous enough to be genuinely happy for everybody. However, people who think they have a "right to brag" are clearly missing the empathy gene because bragging by definition is all about boosting yourself and your parenting above everybody else. That's why it's better not to play this game at all. If you have to know where certain kids are going, ask your own kid instead of escalating a social media bragging war. Signed, Columbia mom

Anonymous wrote:OP goes on and on how bragging is not classy. But, his whole post is exactly about bragging. Hence, do not let anybody know anything, you are not going to college OP.

Anonymous forum =/= social media posts.

OP goes on and on how bragging is not classy. But, his whole post is exactly about bragging. Hence, do not let anybody know anything, you are not going to college OP.

Anonymous wrote:I'm going through the college process with a senior right now and I think it is particularly sensitive right now with the early decision process dividing kids into early "winners" and "losers". I think it is absolutely fine to post that DC is going to be going to [impressive school x] and is very excited. What I think will rile people up and hurt feelings is gushing over how all of DC's hard work paid off, etc. It makes it seem like teens who are not going to those schools (or just didn't get into their early reach) are somehow not as hard working, etc. when we all know it is far from that simple. So just report the news and let people congratulate you and tell you how great your kid must be and how proud you must be.

+1

Other families are waiting for early decision news, or nail biting about the regular admissions decisions in the spring. Others are already worried about next year, when their term is up. It makes everyone a bit jumpy. It's best just to remember that people are under stress and over-thinking every bit of news. So just be nice. Announce, don't make a big deal out of it, don't rub it in anyone's face. Don't attribute it to public or private school, or say why the child got in. You have good news. Say it, then drop it.

Getting into a first choice school is a wonderful moment for your daughter. Go out for a big dinner, celebrate it as a family, and enjoy the fact that you never have to talk about this topic ever again.