Anonymous
10/27/2016 20:28
Subject: I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
I am curious OP what do you look like? Are you hot, do you or did you dress provocatively, nice body, pretty ...? Average looking? Above average looking? Sexy librarian type? Or ordinary, a bit overweight, not ugly but not a head turner? Would people be surprised if they found out about your sex addiction?
I knew someone like this, we worked together. I was the one that looked like a "sex bomb" and she exuded ZERO sexuality. She was not bad looking but NOT particularly attractive, dressed plain, no makeup etc. but she was the one with the sex addict type behavior - I always thought at the time she sent a secret sex signal that only her target could pick up on.
I knew someone like this, we worked together. I was the one that looked like a "sex bomb" and she exuded ZERO sexuality. She was not bad looking but NOT particularly attractive, dressed plain, no makeup etc. but she was the one with the sex addict type behavior - I always thought at the time she sent a secret sex signal that only her target could pick up on.
Anonymous
10/27/2016 19:58
Subject: I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP,
I've read this entire thread with great interest because I could be your twin ... only I've not started recovery (yet).
I've been married 15 years and have sex with 10 men outside my marriage. A couple ONS, one full-blown physical/emotional affair, mostly casual FWB arrangements. I've slept with neighbors, coworkers, friends. Husband knows none of this and tells me constantly that he is so happy with our marriage. None of my friends or family know I've ever cheated (except for the men themselves, of course, but most think they were the only one).
I go through periods of being good, but keep finding myself back at it. I'd like to hear more about the recovery process. Do you think it would be possible to enter a treatment program without disclosing everything to the spouse? Or is that counter to the whole concept of recovery? I'm afraid that my attempt to fix myself would end up destroying his world. If I can do it without that, it'd be easier to imagine getting started.
Let me clarify. Yes you can enter recovery without disclosing everything. Many people do. But I think to enter recovery without disclosing anything will be problematic. The point is to move toward greater transparency, not less.
PP here ... thanks, that makes sense. I can appreciate the need to move toward transparency. I just can't help feeling like there should be some way for me to address my own issues without blowing up his world.
NP. His world is already blown up, but right now he just doesn't know it. You have to tell him at least that you've been unfaithful in the past, regret it, and are committed to working on remaining faithful from now on, because not telling him anything at all is continuing to treat him with disrespect and dishonesty. It'll suck, but he, and your marriage, deserve a foundation of truth, right?
Anonymous
10/27/2016 19:54
Subject: I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I wish you well. Good for you that you are trying to solve your problems. I hope you are able to work through it and have a happy family life.
I wish you all that you so richly deserve. What are you going to tell your children?
Not OP, but what does OP deserve? I don't think anyone deserves any negative outcome except in a moment where they are causing harm to someone, in which case they deserve to be stopped at that point in time but then left able to move on with positive energy in their lives. Wishing OP well covers what she, and everyone, deserves.
As for what to tell the kids... I wouldn't tell mine much. Marital issues are between the couple involved, and no kid wants to know anything about their parents and sex. But if OP needs something to tell her kids because they've noticed the tension, how about a toned down version of this thread: I made some mistakes and poor choices that damaged the trust between your father and I; now I'm working to learn to resist temptations and make better choices. Everyone messes up sometimes, and when we do it's important to acknowledge it, learn from it, and put in the effort to do better. Wording adjusted for age/maturity, obviously.
Anonymous
10/27/2016 19:52
Subject: I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP,
I've read this entire thread with great interest because I could be your twin ... only I've not started recovery (yet).
I've been married 15 years and have sex with 10 men outside my marriage. A couple ONS, one full-blown physical/emotional affair, mostly casual FWB arrangements. I've slept with neighbors, coworkers, friends. Husband knows none of this and tells me constantly that he is so happy with our marriage. None of my friends or family know I've ever cheated (except for the men themselves, of course, but most think they were the only one).
I go through periods of being good, but keep finding myself back at it. I'd like to hear more about the recovery process. Do you think it would be possible to enter a treatment program without disclosing everything to the spouse? Or is that counter to the whole concept of recovery? I'm afraid that my attempt to fix myself would end up destroying his world. If I can do it without that, it'd be easier to imagine getting started.
Let me clarify. Yes you can enter recovery without disclosing everything. Many people do. But I think to enter recovery without disclosing anything will be problematic. The point is to move toward greater transparency, not less.
PP here ... thanks, that makes sense. I can appreciate the need to move toward transparency. I just can't help feeling like there should be some way for me to address my own issues without blowing up his world.
Anonymous
10/27/2016 18:55
Subject: I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
Anonymous wrote:OP, I wish you well. Good for you that you are trying to solve your problems. I hope you are able to work through it and have a happy family life.
I wish you all that you so richly deserve. What are you going to tell your children?
Anonymous
10/27/2016 18:25
Subject: I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
Anonymous wrote:OP, I wish you well. Good for you that you are trying to solve your problems. I hope you are able to work through it and have a happy family life.
Thank you!
Anonymous
10/27/2016 18:23
Subject: I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
OP, I wish you well. Good for you that you are trying to solve your problems. I hope you are able to work through it and have a happy family life.
Anonymous
10/27/2016 18:21
Subject: I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
Anonymous wrote:OP,
I've read this entire thread with great interest because I could be your twin ... only I've not started recovery (yet).
I've been married 15 years and have sex with 10 men outside my marriage. A couple ONS, one full-blown physical/emotional affair, mostly casual FWB arrangements. I've slept with neighbors, coworkers, friends. Husband knows none of this and tells me constantly that he is so happy with our marriage. None of my friends or family know I've ever cheated (except for the men themselves, of course, but most think they were the only one).
I go through periods of being good, but keep finding myself back at it. I'd like to hear more about the recovery process. Do you think it would be possible to enter a treatment program without disclosing everything to the spouse? Or is that counter to the whole concept of recovery? I'm afraid that my attempt to fix myself would end up destroying his world. If I can do it without that, it'd be easier to imagine getting started.
Let me clarify. Yes you can enter recovery without disclosing everything. Many people do. But I think to enter recovery without disclosing anything will be problematic. The point is to move toward greater transparency, not less.
Anonymous
10/27/2016 18:19
Subject: Re:I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
.Anonymous wrote:I am divorced (husband cheated) with no kids (lots of losses) and the fact that you have a husband who is still there trying to work it out with you, and children, despite all you have described about your activities and addiction makes me feel like something is really wrong with me. You can find someone to love you despite this huge gaping "flaw" and who, though angry with you, is trying to keep the marriage together, and I am alone.
OP here. I have put my husband and my family through hell. My husband loves me more than he likes me most of the time. Most of the time I think he is with me for the kids at this point. I may still be married but I am often very much alone.
Anonymous
10/27/2016 18:17
Subject: I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
Anonymous wrote:OP,
I've read this entire thread with great interest because I could be your twin ... only I've not started recovery (yet).
I've been married 15 years and have sex with 10 men outside my marriage. A couple ONS, one full-blown physical/emotional affair, mostly casual FWB arrangements. I've slept with neighbors, coworkers, friends. Husband knows none of this and tells me constantly that he is so happy with our marriage. None of my friends or family know I've ever cheated (except for the men themselves, of course, but most think they were the only one).
I go through periods of being good, but keep finding myself back at it. I'd like to hear more about the recovery process. Do you think it would be possible to enter a treatment program without disclosing everything to the spouse? Or is that counter to the whole concept of recovery? I'm afraid that my attempt to fix myself would end up destroying his world. If I can do it without that, it'd be easier to imagine getting started.
That's really tough. You could go to a meeting without him knowing I think but it would likely be counterproductive. But you could always start going to meetings now and decide later what you want to tell him, if anything.
Anonymous
10/27/2016 17:58
Subject: I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
OP,
I've read this entire thread with great interest because I could be your twin ... only I've not started recovery (yet).
I've been married 15 years and have sex with 10 men outside my marriage. A couple ONS, one full-blown physical/emotional affair, mostly casual FWB arrangements. I've slept with neighbors, coworkers, friends. Husband knows none of this and tells me constantly that he is so happy with our marriage. None of my friends or family know I've ever cheated (except for the men themselves, of course, but most think they were the only one).
I go through periods of being good, but keep finding myself back at it. I'd like to hear more about the recovery process. Do you think it would be possible to enter a treatment program without disclosing everything to the spouse? Or is that counter to the whole concept of recovery? I'm afraid that my attempt to fix myself would end up destroying his world. If I can do it without that, it'd be easier to imagine getting started.
I've read this entire thread with great interest because I could be your twin ... only I've not started recovery (yet).
I've been married 15 years and have sex with 10 men outside my marriage. A couple ONS, one full-blown physical/emotional affair, mostly casual FWB arrangements. I've slept with neighbors, coworkers, friends. Husband knows none of this and tells me constantly that he is so happy with our marriage. None of my friends or family know I've ever cheated (except for the men themselves, of course, but most think they were the only one).
I go through periods of being good, but keep finding myself back at it. I'd like to hear more about the recovery process. Do you think it would be possible to enter a treatment program without disclosing everything to the spouse? Or is that counter to the whole concept of recovery? I'm afraid that my attempt to fix myself would end up destroying his world. If I can do it without that, it'd be easier to imagine getting started.
Anonymous
10/27/2016 17:57
Subject: Re:I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
I am divorced (husband cheated) with no kids (lots of losses) and the fact that you have a husband who is still there trying to work it out with you, and children, despite all you have described about your activities and addiction makes me feel like something is really wrong with me. You can find someone to love you despite this huge gaping "flaw" and who, though angry with you, is trying to keep the marriage together, and I am alone.
Anonymous
10/27/2016 17:40
Subject: I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
Anonymous wrote:Did you ever consider not getting married so that you could continue having casual sex with a variety of partners without the ethical concerns of cheating on your spouse? Is this something you would have wanted?
No and no. I believe cheating is wrong unless you are in an open relationship. I never considered this.
Anonymous
10/27/2016 17:38
Subject: I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
Anonymous wrote:Where do you think the dividing line was that made this behavior clearly a problem? Cheating on your spouse? The fact that you were taking major risks at work and perhaps with your health or safety? Your own emotional state and the fact that you didn't want to behave this way anymore?
Continuing to cheat despite bad consequences. Escalating behavior. Risk taking. I could have lost my husband, my kids, my life, my health, my job, my law license
Anonymous
10/27/2016 17:35
Subject: I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything
Anonymous wrote:Why do you regret letting a man finish on your chest?
Because it was
Demeaning.