Is your DH actually planning on bringing your son to the wedding, or has he simply stated that your son is also welcome? Maybe DH has slipped that in there to throw you off his scent because he plans to try to hook up with his AP or someone else. Is he actually intent on bringing your son to the wedding?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married? How long has the friend been dating his fiancé? Does the friend live locally or is the wedding just local?

It seems strange that you have no relationship with your DH's best friend and you have never met the fiancé.

I don't know all of DH's friends well but I have met everyone and their wives at least a few times. We live in a different state.

I've met him a few times, but we're not close. Do you find it strange that DH hasn't met his fiancée?

Yes, I think it is very, very strange that a guy wouldn't introduce his best friend and future wife before the wedding. Most guys would want their friends to meet the new girlfriend for unofficial approval. Getting engaged and then married without introducing her to your friends seems suspicious.

While your husband and son are at the wedding go see a divorce lawyer. He's a cheat. He doesn't stand up for you.

Though it's true that it's not a great cheating set up with your son there, the reality is you weren't invited because the couple doesn't think you'll be in his life for long.

If this is a setup for DH to hook up (by his planning or the groom's), why would the son be invited?

If I'm the groom, and am purposely excluding the wife of a friend so that he's free to hang out with an ex, there's no way I'm inviting his kid. That would interrupt things as much as having his wife there.

If I'm OP's DH, and want to go hang out with an ex, I'm not bringing my kid along. And I'm not telling DW that I'm allowed to bring the kid along. I'd use a story of "sorry, space is limited and they can only have X people attend. If he invites spouses, he'd have to cut back on the friends that can come, so they decided no spouses".

This just doesn't add up to a cheating setup. I'd assume the groom is clueless, or they have some strange limit like X adults and Y kids (I could see this if the limit is financial, caterers usually charge less or nothing for kids).

Is there any way to find out if the spouses of other friends in their circle are included? Or is it just you?

Personally, I'd just tell DH to go, take the kid, and I'd enjoy an evening in my own.

The poster that suggested bringing this up in counseling is right.

To my mind, the partner who cheated--if they are truly committed to rebuilding the relationship--would be bending over backward to reassure the wronged spouse about their level of commitment, about trustworthiness--one way in this strange situation to reassure would be to insist that either he brings his wife or he doesn't come--and to tell the wife, I do not want to go without you. You are important to me, and it is important to me that you are there.

This is not what your DH is doing. Whatever the rest of the situation with the friend, this alone would cause concern for me.

It'a "Wedding Crashers" movie situation, except this time he knows the groom.

OP, youve got to think through your resources. I could not have put up with even the weekly boys night out if I was home with babies, but if it is better and you are in counsellini,at least that's something. But what you need to figure out is whether counselking is just lip service with no genuine commitment (his way of keeping status quo so he doesnt loose you and the kids), or whether you get finally get a real commitment out of him before the third or fourth bun comes out of the oven. If hes a lifelong fencesitter, so be it if you decide you can accept it. Good luck.

I think that given the additional information the OP has provided, this is totally inappropriate.

1) Deliberately inviting only one half of the married couple is strange. I would assume it was a typo.

2) Upon clarification, telling the person you invited that they can bring their child but NOT their spouse is very strange.

3) Your DH justifying the invitation issue by saying that you don't know the friend when HE doesn't know the bride makes no sense.

4) That your husband cheated recently and told you not to get upset about something that doesn't add up at all is alarming.

5) I am all for couples socializing independently, but if my husband cheated, I would be incredibly uncomfortable with him going on "guys weekends" at all, much less with people I didn't know or had only met a couple times.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It didn't bother me when a grad school friend did this. She was new to the area. Her family lived abroad. The groom was local and his family of origin was large. Their compromise was 30 guests total. The only way she could have any guest was to invite her classmates and if she had invited our spouses, she would have had to cherry-pick among us. It was actually great bonding for our cohort.

You know, I once got excluded from a wedding for somewhat similar reasons. This was someone I used to be very close with. He apologized and apologized for leaving me out, and while we are still friends, it still smarts and I don't think we will ever be as close again.

On the other hand, I was the asshole who didn't invite several people to my wedding - mostly because I didn't want them to feel obligated to be there, but now I realize what a shit move it was for me to leave them out. I don't know if they all feel hurt still, these years later. But I still feel badly about it.

TL;DR - sometimes people make mistakes when it comes to invitations, and sometimes those mistakes have consequences.

This is me again - I wrote this before seeing all the posts about the affair. Sounds like a different situation. Sorry, OP.

Anonymous wrote:It didn't bother me when a grad school friend did this. She was new to the area. Her family lived abroad. The groom was local and his family of origin was large. Their compromise was 30 guests total. The only way she could have any guest was to invite her classmates and if she had invited our spouses, she would have had to cherry-pick among us. It was actually great bonding for our cohort.

You know, I once got excluded from a wedding for somewhat similar reasons. This was someone I used to be very close with. He apologized and apologized for leaving me out, and while we are still friends, it still smarts and I don't think we will ever be as close again.

On the other hand, I was the asshole who didn't invite several people to my wedding - mostly because I didn't want them to feel obligated to be there, but now I realize what a shit move it was for me to leave them out. I don't know if they all feel hurt still, these years later. But I still feel badly about it.

TL;DR - sometimes people make mistakes when it comes to invitations, and sometimes those mistakes have consequences.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has DH's affair partner met the groom?

I don't know.

How do you feel about asking your husband if AP will be at the wedding?

Anonymous wrote:Has DH's affair partner met the groom?

I don't know.

Is husband a depressive? Poor communicator?

Bring it up in counselling with your husband there.. bring it up while there is still time enough to talk it through before session ends and before wedding. Otherwise after the fact is only damage control rather than prevention.

Has DH's affair partner met the groom?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married? How long has the friend been dating his fiancé? Does the friend live locally or is the wedding just local?

It seems strange that you have no relationship with your DH's best friend and you have never met the fiancé.

I don't know all of DH's friends well but I have met everyone and their wives at least a few times. We live in a different state.

I've met him a few times, but we're not close. Do you find it strange that DH hasn't met his fiancée?

Depends how long they have been dating.

We have 2 young children and I'm currently pregnant. It's not like the good old days where DH goes out with his friends every week. He probably sees friends a handful of times per year. Some friends only once a year so I can see only seeing his buddy and not his gf/fiancé.