Anonymous
08/15/2016 16:21
Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Hillary and Michelle took their husbands' last names, none of you have an excuse and are not important. suck it.
??? It's not an excuse.
Also, I don't make my decisions based upon what politicians do. If I did, then I would be okay with DH having affairs. But go ahead, live your life based upon what celebrities do. I'll pass.
Who said she was okay with it?
Anonymous
08/15/2016 16:20
Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Why don't you want his last name? Are you not going to wear a wedding ring either? Is this just a ploy so you can keep dating on the side?
Anonymous
08/15/2016 16:20
Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Hillary and Michelle took their husbands' last names, none of you have an excuse and are not important. suck it.
Don't know about Michelle, but Hillary did not want to, only did it out of political necessity so Bill could be elected in Arkansas.
Not PP, but who cares if she wanted to or not? She did it.
Anonymous
08/15/2016 16:18
Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:Hillary and Michelle took their husbands' last names, none of you have an excuse and are not important. suck it.
??? It's not an excuse.
Also, I don't make my decisions based upon what politicians do. If I did, then I would be okay with DH having affairs. But go ahead, live your life based upon what celebrities do. I'll pass.
Anonymous
08/15/2016 16:16
Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:Hillary and Michelle took their husbands' last names, none of you have an excuse and are not important. suck it.
Don't know about Michelle, but Hillary did not want to, only did it out of political necessity so Bill could be elected in Arkansas.
Anonymous
08/15/2016 16:16
Subject: Re:Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
New poster, I was torn for a bit but I got married at 28 and changed my last name. I didn't have any professional licenses to switch and I wasn't published at the time so I didn't think it was a huge deal to go from one generic Anglo surname to another. My first name is way more unique and personal to me. My dad wasn't offended and on Facebook my name is hyphenated so my kindergarten playmates can find me if they'd like-yay! lol But it's been pretty seamless re: insurance, property, accounts, etc to have one last name for our household. And of course our crazy dog has the same last name as us, so everyone knows I'm Spot's mom 
Anonymous
08/15/2016 16:15
Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:If you don't take his last name, he shouldn't have to wear a wedding ring.
Great idea! And if a guy doesn't take his wife's last name, she should similarly not have to wear a wedding ring.
Anonymous
08/15/2016 16:15
Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Hillary and Michelle took their husbands' last names, none of you have an excuse and are not important. suck it.
Anonymous
08/15/2016 16:14
Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:If you don't take his last name, he shouldn't have to wear a wedding ring.
So does that mean I don't have to wear a wedding ring if my DH didn't change his name to mine?
Anonymous
08/15/2016 16:12
Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
If you don't take his last name, he shouldn't have to wear a wedding ring.
Anonymous
08/15/2016 16:12
Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wanted us to all have the same last name. My husband would have considered taking mine if I'd asked him to.
I grew up with divorced parents and my mom remarried and I lived with them so they were all a family and I had a different last name. It always made me feel just the tiniest bit like an outsider. I a) didn't want to feel that twinge in the family I was building with my husband and b) didn't want my kids to feel it either.
Honestly its NBD. I am a VERY strong, opinionated, female supporting woman (and an atheist democrat in case people think its just conservative thing). Some people would say obnoxiously so but this felt like a silly hill to die on. It is not viewed as succumbing to the patriarchy in today's society, be real. I felt a little sad as my wedding approached and I knew my time as a 'Smith' was coming to an end but six months later it was whatever. Your last name is not your defining characteristic.
If you want to keep it, keep it. If you want to change it, change it. Neither choice defines you as a 'better' or 'more independent' or 'stronger' woman.
You can rationalize it all you want, but there are a million "little" ways that our society confers second-class status on women, and this is one. Is it worth wailing in the streets about, no, but please don't delude yourself that it doesn't.
I love being a woman. I'm married to a great man and he's promised to provide for me my entire life. The very least I can do is take his name. It's well well worth it. I could keep my name and be a single mom but that would be so much harder.
I love being a woman too. I also love my husband.
Lucky for me, he also loves me for me and didn't ask me to change myself as a condition of marriage.
Mine didn't require it either. But I promise your husband took note of your decision. You expect for him to hold up his end of the bargain but you decided you don't have to hold up yours. He knows this.
I'm the PP. You're right he did take note that I was promising to love him for the rest of my life. I also took note that he was promising the same. I fully expect him to hold up his end of the bargain, and I have every intention of holding up mine.
Anonymous
08/15/2016 16:02
Subject: Re:Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:Changing my name in no way changed WHO I was- what an odd idea. I simply switched my name from my fathers last name to my husband and children's name. We are a family.
Strange that your fathers name actually defines you.
Nope - you don't get it.
It isn't about being defined by my father's last name. It's about my identity being tied to the name I have always had - the name I was born with, the name that I've had my entire life, and the name others - especially my colleagues - have known me by. Why the heck should I have changed it just because I got married?
OP - you do what feels right. But there's no need to rush your decision either way.
Anonymous
08/15/2016 16:01
Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
I'm glad I didn't. And just anecdotally, I only have friends who do regret taking their husband's name but no friends who regret not taking it. Kind of like circumcision, you can't really reverse it, but you can always do it in the future. Hasn't been a problem for us that my kids have a different name. But also, why the hell is the default that kids get DH's name? Messed up. Wish I fought on that one.
Anonymous
08/15/2016 15:57
Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
You can always change it later if you want. Like if you have kids and decide you'd rather share the name. Maybe wait for now.
Anonymous
08/15/2016 15:56
Subject: Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes unless you want to have to explain every pickup
Nope. Never been a problem.
Yeah, where do you live that this is an issue? Weird. Never heard of this in the DMV