Anonymous
06/09/2016 23:16
Subject: Re:Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
Anonymous wrote:http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2012/09/sex_selection_in_babies_through_pgd_americans_are_paying_to_have_daughters_rather_than_sons_.html
But data from Google show that “how to have a girl” is searched three times as often in the United States as “how to have a boy.” Many fertility doctors say that girls are the goal for 80 percent of gender selection patients. A study published in 2009 by the online journal Reproductive Biomedicine Online found Caucasian-Americans preferentially select females through PGD 70 percent of the time.
Just goes to show that both white women and white men can't stand ... white men ....
Anonymous
06/09/2016 22:55
Subject: Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
Anonymous wrote:Perhaps it's just me, but I'm glad I didn't have a girl. I never had a close relationship with my mom. She is a great person, but our personalities are so different that the mother/daughter relationships talked about on this thread just weren't a reality for us. I know she has always been disappointed by that because she had a fantastic relationship with her own mom, and not having such a relationship with me, especially when it seems like every other mom has a great relationship with her daughter, just made her, and me feel bad. As there is no such expectation for the mother/son relationship, I don't have to feel the pressure and disappointment she felt if things turned out the same way for me.
Yeah, I think these grand parental expectations for perfect mother-daughter relationships are unfair and setting some kids up to feel really inadequate. Sorry you experienced that.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 17:48
Subject: Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
I cuddle with my 9 year old boy. He still hugs me at school, in front of everyone.
We cook together.
He has an amazing imagination.
He is kind, has empathy, and these are traits I nourish.
He plays the piano and clarinet, and has the most beautiful little boy voice when he sings. So innocent.
Don't stop nourishing your kid just because he's a boy. They are little bundles of hugs and kisses.
But he's also all about war, rock music, nerf guns, trying to kill himself doing bike stunts, coding on Minecraft, and bringing bugs home in his pockets.
I am so grateful for my son. We are so alike in many ways. And different enough that I learn from him every day. Enjoy.
We cook together.
He has an amazing imagination.
He is kind, has empathy, and these are traits I nourish.
He plays the piano and clarinet, and has the most beautiful little boy voice when he sings. So innocent.
Don't stop nourishing your kid just because he's a boy. They are little bundles of hugs and kisses.
But he's also all about war, rock music, nerf guns, trying to kill himself doing bike stunts, coding on Minecraft, and bringing bugs home in his pockets.
I am so grateful for my son. We are so alike in many ways. And different enough that I learn from him every day. Enjoy.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 17:45
Subject: Re:Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
No wedding to pay for, no outrageously expensive prom dresses not to mention the constant need for new clothes, jewelry, hair salon, mani /and pedi.
Hate to break it to you, pp but I never went to the prom so no expensive dresses for me, never liked new clothes or jewelry or mani/pedis never had a pedi in my life. Guess what? I have two daughters and the older one didn't go to prom and both hate clothes shopping and never have gotten a mani or a pedi. They do like pink or purple occasionally but, we have never had a princess tea party.
As for weddings, since many people are marrying later they are paying for the weddings themselves or staying single! My brother and his wife paid for their wedding because his wife's parents didn't offer. So, for us all your "fears" were not true at all.
Hate to break it to you, pp but I never went to the prom so no expensive dresses for me, never liked new clothes or jewelry or mani/pedis never had a pedi in my life. Guess what? I have two daughters and the older one didn't go to prom and both hate clothes shopping and never have gotten a mani or a pedi. They do like pink or purple occasionally but, we have never had a princess tea party.
As for weddings, since many people are marrying later they are paying for the weddings themselves or staying single! My brother and his wife paid for their wedding because his wife's parents didn't offer. So, for us all your "fears" were not true at all.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 17:44
Subject: Re:Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2012/09/sex_selection_in_babies_through_pgd_americans_are_paying_to_have_daughters_rather_than_sons_.html
But data from Google show that “how to have a girl” is searched three times as often in the United States as “how to have a boy.” Many fertility doctors say that girls are the goal for 80 percent of gender selection patients. A study published in 2009 by the online journal Reproductive Biomedicine Online found Caucasian-Americans preferentially select females through PGD 70 percent of the time.
If gender selection ever became more mainstream in the US, I do think there'd be a big impact on how many boys are born. It's not an issue now because it's not widely available and accessible. I hope it doesn't ever become widely available and accessible.
+1 All those women doing infertility treatments tend to be the more educated upper middle class ladies, which I presume will produce upper middle class educated daughters. All fine and dandy until daughter grows disgruntled because she can't find a suitable "upper middle class" companion.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 17:12
Subject: Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
Perhaps it's just me, but I'm glad I didn't have a girl. I never had a close relationship with my mom. She is a great person, but our personalities are so different that the mother/daughter relationships talked about on this thread just weren't a reality for us. I know she has always been disappointed by that because she had a fantastic relationship with her own mom, and not having such a relationship with me, especially when it seems like every other mom has a great relationship with her daughter, just made her, and me feel bad. As there is no such expectation for the mother/son relationship, I don't have to feel the pressure and disappointment she felt if things turned out the same way for me.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 17:06
Subject: Re:Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
Anonymous wrote:http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2012/09/sex_selection_in_babies_through_pgd_americans_are_paying_to_have_daughters_rather_than_sons_.html
But data from Google show that “how to have a girl” is searched three times as often in the United States as “how to have a boy.” Many fertility doctors say that girls are the goal for 80 percent of gender selection patients. A study published in 2009 by the online journal Reproductive Biomedicine Online found Caucasian-Americans preferentially select females through PGD 70 percent of the time.
If gender selection ever became more mainstream in the US, I do think there'd be a big impact on how many boys are born. It's not an issue now because it's not widely available and accessible. I hope it doesn't ever become widely available and accessible.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 17:04
Subject: Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
Anonymous wrote:I have two boys, and would be lying to say I'm not a bit sad about my 'missing' daughter. Part of that I think is because I'm so close to my sisters, and lost my mother as a young adult, so kind of idealize what it would like to have that mother/daughter relationship with a grown daughter. I also have a husband who is a stereotypical "silent" man, so have some fears about boys not communicating the way a daughter would, especially as adults.
But... my boys are awesome! I wouldn't trade them for the world. I am the light in their little boy worlds, and feel a great satisfaction in helping them grown into kind, loving men. I look at the love my brothers had for my deceased mother, and it makes me appreciate the deep relationship between boys and their mothers. Who knows what my imaginary daughter would be like, but I do know my sons, and I know that I am lucky I get to be their mom. We share all kinds of stuff together, that is more dependent on their personalities than their gender. My youngest is my little sous chef and nature lover. My older son and I have the same zany sense of humor and love of books.
I've resigned myself a bit to the fact that I might not have the same sort of relationship I'd have with a daughter when they are grown, but it's probably healthier not to have those expectations anyway. Female relationships are important to me (largely because my DH, while wonderful, isn't up for chatting with me like my sisters and friends are, and which I need in life) so I make a concerted effort to sustain those relationships outside of my nuclear family, by building friendships, relying on my sisters, and building relationships with my nieces.
I think it's definitely healthier not to have those expectations. All these mothers who are wanting daughters to create their own fantasy perfect relationships are reading a little
to me. It doesn't sound healthy at all, having these preset roles your daughters are hoped and expected to fill, so much so that if you don't have a daughter you're thinking "who knows what my imaginary daughter would be like." Maybe a blessing in disguise to have boys in these situations, where there is apparently less inclination to form them into something for yourself, rather than your perfect imaginary bestie (not referring just to this PP, but most of the women posting in this thread).
Anonymous
06/09/2016 16:44
Subject: Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
I have two boys, and would be lying to say I'm not a bit sad about my 'missing' daughter. Part of that I think is because I'm so close to my sisters, and lost my mother as a young adult, so kind of idealize what it would like to have that mother/daughter relationship with a grown daughter. I also have a husband who is a stereotypical "silent" man, so have some fears about boys not communicating the way a daughter would, especially as adults.
But... my boys are awesome! I wouldn't trade them for the world. I am the light in their little boy worlds, and feel a great satisfaction in helping them grown into kind, loving men. I look at the love my brothers had for my deceased mother, and it makes me appreciate the deep relationship between boys and their mothers. Who knows what my imaginary daughter would be like, but I do know my sons, and I know that I am lucky I get to be their mom. We share all kinds of stuff together, that is more dependent on their personalities than their gender. My youngest is my little sous chef and nature lover. My older son and I have the same zany sense of humor and love of books.
I've resigned myself a bit to the fact that I might not have the same sort of relationship I'd have with a daughter when they are grown, but it's probably healthier not to have those expectations anyway. Female relationships are important to me (largely because my DH, while wonderful, isn't up for chatting with me like my sisters and friends are, and which I need in life) so I make a concerted effort to sustain those relationships outside of my nuclear family, by building friendships, relying on my sisters, and building relationships with my nieces.
But... my boys are awesome! I wouldn't trade them for the world. I am the light in their little boy worlds, and feel a great satisfaction in helping them grown into kind, loving men. I look at the love my brothers had for my deceased mother, and it makes me appreciate the deep relationship between boys and their mothers. Who knows what my imaginary daughter would be like, but I do know my sons, and I know that I am lucky I get to be their mom. We share all kinds of stuff together, that is more dependent on their personalities than their gender. My youngest is my little sous chef and nature lover. My older son and I have the same zany sense of humor and love of books.
I've resigned myself a bit to the fact that I might not have the same sort of relationship I'd have with a daughter when they are grown, but it's probably healthier not to have those expectations anyway. Female relationships are important to me (largely because my DH, while wonderful, isn't up for chatting with me like my sisters and friends are, and which I need in life) so I make a concerted effort to sustain those relationships outside of my nuclear family, by building friendships, relying on my sisters, and building relationships with my nieces.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 16:12
Subject: Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm curious if anyone anymore is ever disappointed they are having a girl, because they so wanted a boy. I literally never hear this, only mourning over having a boy. It's really interesting to me. [/quote
Talk to people from Asia...
Or to a man. Men don't talk about this issue as much, at least not on online message boards.
Yep. We have one son and will find out the sex of our second in 7 weeks. Always thought I wanted one of each but now find that I would be perfectly happy with a second boy. Husband always wanted two boys (he grew up with 3 sisters).
Anonymous
06/09/2016 12:39
Subject: Re:Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
Personally I have a daughter and I would like grand children, hopefully in a context of a traditional nuclear family unless she has a different sexual orientation which is fine by me. So mothers with sons, don't feel too sad. Raise a nice boy and hopefully our kids can get together some day.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 12:35
Subject: Re:Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Its actually interesting. I remember a study found that during gender selection for ivf treatments Americans prefer girls while non americans prefer boys. So since DCUM is an upper middle class American kind of group this overwhelming preference for girls is congruent with the study.
Though...the surplus of girls will probably mean deficit of men for them to pair up with, the reverse of what's going on in China right now. Yes yes, your daughters can be strong and independent and whatever and have alternative lifestyles, I get it.
Percentage wise, there aren't enough people doing IVF - with gender selection - and choosing boys - for this to be an issue.
yeah but every baby forum I go to there's always some woman that is sad about not having a daughter. Never the other way round. Just saying, there's going to be alot of single women going around by the time the next generation grows up. Since there's a push for alternative lifestyles it may or may not be a bad thing depending on the way you look at it.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 12:34
Subject: Re:Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
Anonymous wrote:http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2012/09/sex_selection_in_babies_through_pgd_americans_are_paying_to_have_daughters_rather_than_sons_.html
But data from Google show that “how to have a girl” is searched three times as often in the United States as “how to have a boy.” Many fertility doctors say that girls are the goal for 80 percent of gender selection patients. A study published in 2009 by the online journal Reproductive Biomedicine Online found Caucasian-Americans preferentially select females through PGD 70 percent of the time.
WHAT A PSYCHO.
Simpson, a labor and delivery nurse at a hospital north of Toronto, was surprised when her first child, born in 2002, was a boy. That’s okay, she thought. The next one will be a girl.
Except it wasn’t. Two years later, she gave birth to another boy.
Desperate for a baby girl, Simpson and her husband drove four hours to a fertility clinic in Michigan. Gender selection is illegal in Canada, which is why the couple turned to the United States. They paid $800 for a procedure that sorts sperm based on the assumption that sperm carrying a Y chromosome swim faster in a protein solution than sperm with an X chromosome do.
Simpson was inseminated with the slower sperm that same day. Fifteen weeks later, she asked a colleague at the hospital to sneak in an after-hours ultrasound. The results felt like a brick landing on her stomach: another boy.
“I lay in bed and cried for weeks,” said Simpson, now 36, whose name has been changed to protect her privacy. She took a job in the operating room so she would no longer have to work with women who were giving birth to girls.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 12:33
Subject: Re:Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
As for a deficit of men...or should I say "eligible men" suitable to be partners for the DCUM mom crowd.
http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2015/07/06/has-being-single-in-america-changed/for-the-college-educated-there-is-a-man-deficit-in-the-us
The fact is, with 134 women for every 100 men, there is simply no way all the young college-grad women who wish to marry college-grad men can do so. Not unless there is a huge spike in the divorce rate.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/07/fashion/07campus.html?_r=0
Jayne Dallas, a senior studying advertising who was seated across the table, grumbled that the population of male undergraduates was even smaller when you looked at it as a dating pool. “Out of that 40 percent, there are maybe 20 percent that we would consider, and out of those 20, 10 have girlfriends, so all the girls are fighting over that other 10 percent,” she said.
Needless to say, this puts guys in a position to play the field, and tends to mean that even the ones willing to make a commitment come with storied romantic histories.
http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2015/07/06/has-being-single-in-america-changed/for-the-college-educated-there-is-a-man-deficit-in-the-us
The fact is, with 134 women for every 100 men, there is simply no way all the young college-grad women who wish to marry college-grad men can do so. Not unless there is a huge spike in the divorce rate.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/07/fashion/07campus.html?_r=0
Jayne Dallas, a senior studying advertising who was seated across the table, grumbled that the population of male undergraduates was even smaller when you looked at it as a dating pool. “Out of that 40 percent, there are maybe 20 percent that we would consider, and out of those 20, 10 have girlfriends, so all the girls are fighting over that other 10 percent,” she said.
Needless to say, this puts guys in a position to play the field, and tends to mean that even the ones willing to make a commitment come with storied romantic histories.
Anonymous
06/09/2016 12:30
Subject: Re:Mothers of boys only (aka daughterless moms)- what's it like?
http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2012/09/sex_selection_in_babies_through_pgd_americans_are_paying_to_have_daughters_rather_than_sons_.html
But data from Google show that “how to have a girl” is searched three times as often in the United States as “how to have a boy.” Many fertility doctors say that girls are the goal for 80 percent of gender selection patients. A study published in 2009 by the online journal Reproductive Biomedicine Online found Caucasian-Americans preferentially select females through PGD 70 percent of the time.
But data from Google show that “how to have a girl” is searched three times as often in the United States as “how to have a boy.” Many fertility doctors say that girls are the goal for 80 percent of gender selection patients. A study published in 2009 by the online journal Reproductive Biomedicine Online found Caucasian-Americans preferentially select females through PGD 70 percent of the time.