Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say something here. My tween announced rudely at dinner the other day that I was lazy. Mind you I work FT and put a meal from scratch on the table each and every night. I shot him a look of such utter disgust and said one pharase calmly "What did you just say" that he cried right at the dinner table practically instantly. Even my DH who is a hot head was completely silent.

I shocked the shit out of myself that I was able to muster up such a glare. He knew instantly that he was up shits creek.

You are my hero. That's the spirit. Children need to have a healthy fear of their parents.

+1

Yup - we are not 'friends'.
After age 25 maybe. Before that I'm mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to say something here. My tween announced rudely at dinner the other day that I was lazy. Mind you I work FT and put a meal from scratch on the table each and every night. I shot him a look of such utter disgust and said one pharase calmly "What did you just say" that he cried right at the dinner table practically instantly. Even my DH who is a hot head was completely silent.

I shocked the shit out of myself that I was able to muster up such a glare. He knew instantly that he was up shits creek.

You are my hero. That's the spirit. Children need to have a healthy fear of their parents.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if your son became a nurse?

This is a good question. What is the actual dynamic here?

She won't answer the question so obviously this result would feel like a failure in her eyes.

Of course the teen is wrong to be rude, but the underlying current is do as I say not as I do.

She wants to respect cops, firefighters,nurses,and teachers but in reality she would be devastated if her son became one of these. He is certain he is doing fine and sick of the criticism and mixed messages.

Has their been any consequences for him, OP? Taking away all of his electronics and making him work to get them back would probably teach him an important lesson on the value of work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take away anything your salary pays for. Snacks out with friends after school? Gone. Money for shopping? Gone. Cool new sneakers? Gone. New baseball hat? Gone.

Also, Dad needs to shut your son down when he talks like this. Both because it's disrespectful to his wife, and because it's unacceptable for your son to talk to his mother that way.

DH does do this. He is great.

I haven't read this whole thread, OP, but I did something like this to my mom when I was about 15. It's one of my most shameful memories. My mom didn't go to college after high school -- her parents weren't supportive of it and told her that they would only pay for her brother to go. So she went to secretarial school, worked and, 13 years and two kids later, got a computer science degree. She actually never used it professionally. She stayed at home with us until I was 12 then worked for 4 years as an admin again to ensure that my brother and I could go to any college we wanted without having to pay for it.

So at 15, my smartass told her that she was too stupid to go to a "real" college after high school. She handled it pretty well, told my father who told me I was being a "witch" -- he should have said I was being a bitch, because I was. I've never forgotten this fight (though my mom has) and I think my father calling me out has a lot to do with that. I hope your son has the realization soon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - he is not question your profession. He is testing your place in your household.

This is the only comment I have read so far that matters.

OP, what is your place in the household?

What do you mean by my "place in the household"?

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if your son became a nurse?

This is a good question. What is the actual dynamic here?

He's right, you should tell him you want him to strive to be better.

Anonymous wrote:How would a hospital run without nurses? Nurses are major part of healthcare. I think you should stick up for your profession. No way would I tolerate that kind of disrespect.

I agree. But even if OP were "only" a waitress or cleaning lady this type of talk should not be tolerated. OP's son needs to value work of all stripes, and have respect for all workers - people are spending their time doing something productive for the greater good. What a shit attitude your son has, OP.

Actual quote: "If you had a real job, you'd be able to give me the lifestyle I deserve." It was my own mother saying it to me, while I'm paying her rent.

If my child said something similar, her world would come crashing down, starting with cutting the service to her phone. After that, she'd do more around the house and do more volunteering. Thankfully, I don't see my teen ever uttering such bullshit.

Anonymous wrote:Take away anything your salary pays for. Snacks out with friends after school? Gone. Money for shopping? Gone. Cool new sneakers? Gone. New baseball hat? Gone.

Also, Dad needs to shut your son down when he talks like this. Both because it's disrespectful to his wife, and because it's unacceptable for your son to talk to his mother that way.

+1000

I'm sorry your son is being so rude, but how did it even get to this point. Needs to be shut down pronto.

Anonymous wrote:OP - he is not question your profession. He is testing your place in your household.

This is the only comment I have read so far that matters.

OP, what is your place in the household?

Anonymous wrote:I have to say something here. My tween announced rudely at dinner the other day that I was lazy. Mind you I work FT and put a meal from scratch on the table each and every night. I shot him a look of such utter disgust and said one pharase calmly "What did you just say" that he cried right at the dinner table practically instantly. Even my DH who is a hot head was completely silent.

I shocked the shit out of myself that I was able to muster up such a glare. He knew instantly that he was up shits creek.

You are my hero. That's the spirit. Children need to have a healthy fear of their parents.

Anonymous wrote:
Studies show that people treated like this as children have much higher rates of mental health problems as adults. I wouldn't recommend it.
It's a good short term solution for you but not a good long term solution for your child's life and health.

http://wnep.com/2016/04/27/spanking-can-cause-mental-health-problems-in-children-study-suggests/

Of course you don't recommend it. After all, you're the person who took an article that says, cautiously, "Spanking CAN cause mental health problems in children, study SUGGESTS", and somehow transformed it into a very definite "people treated like this HAVE a MUCH higher rates of mental health problems as adults". What is the evidence for this? Your ardent belief?

And I see you still didn't get the point. It isn't that children are beaten black and blue. It's that society can (and should) create an environment where speaking to your parents the way OP's son did is seen, by children, as an outlandish, impossible, outrageous thing the consequences of which are too horrid to even contemplate. I don't actually know whether I would have been punished physically. What I do know is that the thought of speaking to your parents like this was IMPOSSIBLE, like the sun rising in the middle of the night. IMPOSSIBLE.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of cajoling him to get better grades - how about you say, "Larlo, you need to achieve a GPA of 3.5 (or whatever is attainable at this point) to remain at your school. If you do not, you will be going to the local public in the fall" Then leave it alone unless he asks you for help. Do not budge. Do not change your mind.

And when he baits you with his bullshit comments -- just ignore him and leave the room. There is no reason to give anything he says (in that vein) one iota of attention.

Discussing grades or dictating a certain gpa is a sure way to make the kid fail out.
They're growing up - they have to have the idea that what they are achieving is because of their efforts, not mommy and daddy's.
Leave the kid be to figure it out.
Your job is to set limits with his behavior but not his grades and what he studies - stay out of that or you are going to cripple the kid.

You cannot be serious. Unless the kid is going to private school for a special need, that is a privilege that you earn. The idea that a child is expected to perform to the best of their ability will make them fail out is ludicrous.

No, I'm serious. We say absolutely nothing about grades or DC's classes. If she wants to discuss it then yes. We send DC to the private school not do DC can be a 'super student' but so DC can learn values and things like empathy for others. We like the extra activities there for DC - theatre, volunteer projects, sports, arts, etc.

DC has some pretty great teachers there and is pretty inspired to learn. No pushing is needed.
If / when DC gets an 'off' grade we don't make a big deal of it.

DC is well on the way to independence and directing his/her own life. Isn't that the point?

If my kid was flunking out I'd reevaluate but really people send kids to private school for more nurturing I think. You won't get that at the public school.

Did you read about the guy that founded under armor? Plenty of stuff about his turbulent teenaged years.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/under-armour-founder-gives-16-million-to-st-johns-college-high/2015/11/06/7adc7724-84bf-11e5-9afb-0c971f713d0c_story.html