Anonymous wrote:OP here. The hosting question is interesting way to look at it. I definitely don't feel my role is the same level of hosting as at my house. I also don't think I'm babysitting all of these kids. Some of these scenarios are farfetched because I'm also not going to be taking epipens- I don't know how to administer that and if that's your concern you should probably stay with your child. That's not a conversation to have as you drop off a 8 year old guest! The workers are there to manage the place, provide directions, maintain safety. Only drop off your child of you think he is able to play properly and listen. I see it as kids coming to a party for my kid - which is why I immediately realized you guys were right that birthday boy has to be there. But the adults are just there to facilitate that and, so long as they are responsible , I feel they are kind of fungible.

Also, we have 2.5 months, it's not around the corner.

But - we have a plan that I think is pretty good. I'm glad I read above that recitals are notorious for being late. Back later.

Anonymous wrote:I think that one unacknowledged point of disagreement between the OP and some of her critics is over WHO is the host of the party. OP (and some of her supporters) presume that the event place is the host, and OP, her kid, and all of his friends are collectively the guests of the event place. They can all show up whenever they'd like, and the event place will take care of them. Others presume that OP and family are hosting the event, and the event place is the backdrop. Both interpretations are reasonable--though I personally fall squarely in the latter camp. We all know that hosts have to be there before the guests. We just can't agree on who the host is.

But what I really chimed in to say is that I'm not sure OP is thinking seriously enough about the worst case scenario. If everything goes EXACTLY right, whatever contingent of the family is coming from the recital will get to the party a few minutes late. If there are ANY unforseen complications--drama leaving the recital (younger child in tears because it didn't go well, child's costume gets mixed up with another child's costume, teacher wants everyone to stay for a group picture, whatever), OR if there's any traffic, some portion of the family is going to be significantly late to the party.

I could have been won over to the idea that it was okay for birthday boy and parents to arrive at the party start time (even if others get there earlier to sign waivers), but it's just WAY too big of a risk to not ensure that the birthday boy and at least one parent will be there by the start of the party.

Anonymous wrote:I think the parents will be really annoyed that they took the time to get there 20 minutes early to do things for your party and you couldn't bother to do the same. They're showing up for your kid, it's already kind of a hassle, cause let's be real, birthday parties are hassles for the parents, and then you're not even there. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't even have the aunt, because that still looks like you didn't care enough to show up when they had to.

Everyone goes to Kid 1's thing. You leave with older son in time to get to the party by 4:40 and greet everyone and answer questions and handle check in. Dad stays til the end of Kid 1's thing and Ubers it over to the party afterward. Kid 1 probably won't know or care you weren't there til the very end as long as you're there for some.

Or, you move Kid 2's party to a later hour/different day.