Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I predict a really unhappy relationship with your DH based on what you've posted here and I wouldn't be surprised to see y'all divorcing in a couple of years. You just don't seem to have any desire to nurture your relationship with him, from your posts you see him as nothing more than a means for you to have a baby and quit your job. How will you feel if in a couple of years he's moved on to greener pastures and you have to (gasp) work and get dinner for yourself and take care of DC?

I agree. He's supporting you. Make some freaking food. If you want an equal division of household work, get a job and then you have an argument.

LOL. So you only have a voice if you have a job?

Who are you backwards people?!

The house stuff including dinner IS her job. Her husband is bringing home the money to support her. That's his job. Not the way I would run my family, but if they're running theirs that way then she needs to do her part.

Newsflash - it's not 1950.

Obviously the house stuff is not her JOB. Sounds like she's already pitching in plenty with the baby, cleaning, laundry, etc. They just need to work out how to better handle food, but it's not her JOB.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

This. If I were your husband, I'd flip out. If you don't like sahm, go back to work & get a nanny who does meal prep.

This. I am a husband, with a SAHW/M, and it pisses me off when there is no dinner when I get home. It takes what, 30 minutes to prepare a basic dinner? I've made dinner of the kids and me plenty of times when my wife is travelling and it isn't that big a deal to throw something together. I bet you spend more time than that each day on DCUM. Carry your weight. I would have much more sympathy if you had three school-aged kids and you spent your afternoon driving around MoCo taking kids to different school events, or something similar, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I get the sense you are using dinner as a proxy to fight other battles and address other issues in your relationship.

Thanks for the perspective-(btw it is the middle of the night where I am so DS is asleep hence why I'm replying to a lot of posts). Anyway my question to you would be-if it is so easy to prepare dinner, why don't you do it? I'm not trying to be rude- just seems like people are posting that it is no big thing to make dinner, but I actually think it is a lot of work to meal plan, shop, cook, and clean. So that, in addition to all the stuff that has to happen to raise kids, seems to me like it should be on both parents, not just the SAH parent. So if it is really easy to do, how come you are so upset and why don't you just do it?

Because I get home from work around 7:30pm - 8pm. The kids should eat around 8:30pm then? That's bedtime.

Wow - that's late. Do you even see your kids during the week?

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you that cooking/planning/shopping is a tedious chore. That said, it's necessary, so we've found ways to work it into our schedule so that it's not so challenging.

Sunday afternoon during nap time, we go through the pantry/fridge and throw out any old leftovers/expired things. Then we come up with 3 meals for the week, and make a list of ingredients needed. I also put anything for lunches, household things, etc on there.

When DS wakes up from his nap, we alternate weeks of who takes him to the grocery store and knocks out the list. The other one does some other errand at home (or enjoys an hour of quiet!) The next weekend we switch who goes. DS loves the grocery store, and it's nice to have routine.

During the week, it's so much easier to prep stuff if there is a plan and you don't have to think. I don't usually start dinner prep until DH comes home, because one of us needs to watch DS, but then we'll "barter" for the job. "If I cook, will you watch DS and do dishes?" "If I do dishes and bath time, will you cook?"

Sounds like there's just a huge mismatch of expectations here. TALK. Figure out a solution that works for both of you. There is a huge range between "1950s housewife" and "fend for yourself".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I predict a really unhappy relationship with your DH based on what you've posted here and I wouldn't be surprised to see y'all divorcing in a couple of years. You just don't seem to have any desire to nurture your relationship with him, from your posts you see him as nothing more than a means for you to have a baby and quit your job. How will you feel if in a couple of years he's moved on to greener pastures and you have to (gasp) work and get dinner for yourself and take care of DC?

I agree. He's supporting you. Make some freaking food. If you want an equal division of household work, get a job and then you have an argument.

LOL. So you only have a voice if you have a job?

Who are you backwards people?!

The house stuff including dinner IS her job. Her husband is bringing home the money to support her. That's his job. Not the way I would run my family, but if they're running theirs that way then she needs to do her part.

Newsflash - it's not 1950.

Obviously the house stuff is not her JOB. Sounds like she's already pitching in plenty with the baby, cleaning, laundry, etc. They just need to work out how to better handle food, but it's not her JOB.

Anonymous wrote:Op, I wonder why you even posted here. You have a defensive argument for every point brought against you. Most of us (sah, woh, moms, dads) think you should be putting dinner on the table and it's actually rare when a dcum thread is in such consensus.

So what was the point of you posting this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

This. If I were your husband, I'd flip out. If you don't like sahm, go back to work & get a nanny who does meal prep.

This. I am a husband, with a SAHW/M, and it pisses me off when there is no dinner when I get home. It takes what, 30 minutes to prepare a basic dinner? I've made dinner of the kids and me plenty of times when my wife is travelling and it isn't that big a deal to throw something together. I bet you spend more time than that each day on DCUM. Carry your weight. I would have much more sympathy if you had three school-aged kids and you spent your afternoon driving around MoCo taking kids to different school events, or something similar, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I get the sense you are using dinner as a proxy to fight other battles and address other issues in your relationship.

Thanks for the perspective-(btw it is the middle of the night where I am so DS is asleep hence why I'm replying to a lot of posts). Anyway my question to you would be-if it is so easy to prepare dinner, why don't you do it? I'm not trying to be rude- just seems like people are posting that it is no big thing to make dinner, but I actually think it is a lot of work to meal plan, shop, cook, and clean. So that, in addition to all the stuff that has to happen to raise kids, seems to me like it should be on both parents, not just the SAH parent. So if it is really easy to do, how come you are so upset and why don't you just do it?

Because I get home from work around 7:30pm - 8pm. The kids should eat around 8:30pm then? That's bedtime.

The PP above again. Just to be clear, there can be a number of extenuating circumstances -- the SAHM can be taking care of a sick parent, be disabled, other issues -- but if one spouse is working full time plus, and the other isn't, then it should typically fall on the SAHP/S to prepare dinner (or at least ensure that dinner is there). This isn't a question of gender, but of a fair division of labor. I always felt that SAH did not mean "do little", but instead "do just as much, but while staying at home". And to be even clearer, I have no use for other DHs that don't do squat around the home because they otherwise work. My weekends are spent primarily with my family, not with my buddies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I predict a really unhappy relationship with your DH based on what you've posted here and I wouldn't be surprised to see y'all divorcing in a couple of years. You just don't seem to have any desire to nurture your relationship with him, from your posts you see him as nothing more than a means for you to have a baby and quit your job. How will you feel if in a couple of years he's moved on to greener pastures and you have to (gasp) work and get dinner for yourself and take care of DC?

I agree. He's supporting you. Make some freaking food. If you want an equal division of household work, get a job and then you have an argument.

LOL. So you only have a voice if you have a job?

Who are you backwards people?!

The house stuff including dinner IS her job. Her husband is bringing home the money to support her. That's his job. Not the way I would run my family, but if they're running theirs that way then she needs to do her part.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I predict a really unhappy relationship with your DH based on what you've posted here and I wouldn't be surprised to see y'all divorcing in a couple of years. You just don't seem to have any desire to nurture your relationship with him, from your posts you see him as nothing more than a means for you to have a baby and quit your job. How will you feel if in a couple of years he's moved on to greener pastures and you have to (gasp) work and get dinner for yourself and take care of DC?

I agree. He's supporting you. Make some freaking food. If you want an equal division of household work, get a job and then you have an argument.

OP here- I think that's a really dangerous and backwards attitude to have. It trivializes the economic value of what stay-at-home parents do on a daily basis. He's not "supporting" me. What I do daily sims has unrecognized economic value.

Good grief! Spoiling your child rotten sounds like what you are doing. Our nanny did the laundry and cooked for the kids also. What do you do with your 12 month old all day? Stare into his eyes and ask him what he wants?


I don't spoil him at all! We have a pretty solid routine down, and our days are filled with enriching and engaging activities.

Your nanny didn't plan and cook your dinner, so I don't really get the point of your post except to be nasty!

You have a pretty good routine of spending waaaay too much time on that baby and cleaning the house.

Anonymous wrote:The biggest fucking scam that men have gotten away with is "men take care of the outside and the maintenance and the cars". First of all, none of us are living on major acreage. People with big yards end up outsourcing, and most of us in the region are on postage stamp lots, or condos or townhouses. Unless you are into mega-landscaping, the outside is nbd. No 100k+ families I know are out there on ladders cleaning gutters. "Maintenance?" Lol- my DH isn't under the sink or in the electric panel or tiling the bathroom. My favorite is the "car maintenance". I LOVE doing the car "maintenance". I take it to Acura a few times a year and sit in their nice waiting room drinking coffee and playing on my phone. There was probably a time where all of this was hard work, when owe actually did this stuff, but it's been so pared down and outsourcing this stuff is the norm while us ladies are still trying not to feel guilty about hiring a cleaning lady. All that's left for the guys is taking out the trash (while u run around the house and round it all up and bag it up and put it in the can". And trash is only once a week!!

Anonymous wrote:I'm still having a hard time believing that OP thinks Diet Coke and a baked potato is a dinner. Sad.