Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 11:44     Subject: Found a condom in my husband's car
I liked that PPs advice on the first or second page that said something like, "I love you and want to work this out, but if you aren't truthful with me and turn me into a crazy person by lying and covering up, THAT I will not forgive."

Or something like that, she said it better.

I think you give him a way to come clean without him feeling backed into a corner--make it easy for him to come clean, and understand that not his past behavior, but any current lying behavior, will get him/the marriage into trouble.

(Later you can decide what to do about the past behavior, given what it turns out to be).
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 11:31     Subject: Found a condom in my husband's car
This is getting good!
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 11:30     Subject: Found a condom in my husband's car
Anonymous wrote:4. This morning, I asked for access to his individual credit card login. He goes bowling once a week, in the past he charged it to his individual credit card but there's only one transaction since the beginning of December. He never uses cash except where credit is not accepted.

- Wait, did he tell you he was bowling in December but those charges aren't on the bill? How did he explain that?



He's been back to bowling again once a week since the beginning of December except for last week (between Christmas and New Year) but there's only credit card transaction charged to his individual credit card and nothing to our joint card. If he has another card that he uses, I'm not aware of. This is from this morning, I'll have to wait until tonight to see what he has to say.

He uses Google phone number to avoid telemarketers and he's very careful with having his information online, there's no chance he'll use his real name anywhere like Ashley Madison.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 11:28     Subject: Found a condom in my husband's car
Anonymous wrote:4. This morning, I asked for access to his individual credit card login. He goes bowling once a week, in the past he charged it to his individual credit card but there's only one transaction since the beginning of December. He never uses cash except where credit is not accepted.

- Wait, did he tell you he was bowling in December but those charges aren't on the bill? How did he explain that?


Where is he spending? He should be spending something, somewhere and these transactions could be disguised... Is it possible he's getting cash from the grocery store or CVS cashback to the tune of $50-$100's for explicit use?
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 11:25     Subject: Found a condom in my husband's car
Anonymous wrote:
Good morning,

I had to ask him last night.

1. He said I had specifically requested for him to get more of the same condoms and he took one with him to be sure he purchased the right one. He is sloppy and possible that he forgot it in the car.

2. He also suggested that maybe the condoms belong to whoever had access to his car when he was in an accident late last year (SUV totaled last summer, car accident in November/December). The car was in the shop for almost a month.

3. Trojan sells condoms in pack of 3, 10, 12, 26 or 36 counts in gold foils. I pointed out that he purchased a pack for us (26 or 36), we used 4 or 5 and there's 14 left. Where are the rest? He doesn't know.

4. This morning, I asked for access to his individual credit card login. He goes bowling once a week, in the past he charged it to his individual credit card but there's only one transaction since the beginning of December. He never uses cash except where credit is not accepted.

I know that if he wants to hide, I wouldn't be able to find anything because he has Google phone numbers for everything (online purchases, home improvement contractors, our tenants). I don't understand why he would be leaving condoms for me to find like this. Three in the arm rest has the same expiration date as the other 14 in our nightstand, one matches the other in the glove compartment. These and the lube (unused) are under a pile of crumbled napkins/receipts.


Thanks for the update. Unless you have occasional car sex (hey, I don't judge and when you have kids you have to get it where you can!), then there's no reason for him to have them anywhere but in the night stand. I don't know..that strikes me as odd. Bowling once a week is just weird too but hey, again, whatever floats the boat. Bowling is for old people that smoke cigarettes as I remember that from my childhood. I would do more investigating because something still seems off about all of this to me. I wish you luck and peace of mind though.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 11:23     Subject: Found a condom in my husband's car
4. This morning, I asked for access to his individual credit card login. He goes bowling once a week, in the past he charged it to his individual credit card but there's only one transaction since the beginning of December. He never uses cash except where credit is not accepted.

- Wait, did he tell you he was bowling in December but those charges aren't on the bill? How did he explain that?
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 11:22     Subject: Found a condom in my husband's car
Anonymous wrote:
Good morning,

I had to ask him last night.

1. He said I had specifically requested for him to get more of the same condoms and he took one with him to be sure he purchased the right one. He is sloppy and possible that he forgot it in the car.

2. He also suggested that maybe the condoms belong to whoever had access to his car when he was in an accident late last year (SUV totaled last summer, car accident in November/December). The car was in the shop for almost a month.

3. Trojan sells condoms in pack of 3, 10, 12, 26 or 36 counts in gold foils. I pointed out that he purchased a pack for us (26 or 36), we used 4 or 5 and there's 14 left. Where are the rest? He doesn't know.

4. This morning, I asked for access to his individual credit card login. He goes bowling once a week, in the past he charged it to his individual credit card but there's only one transaction since the beginning of December. He never uses cash except where credit is not accepted.

I know that if he wants to hide, I wouldn't be able to find anything because he has Google phone numbers for everything (online purchases, home improvement contractors, our tenants). I don't understand why he would be leaving condoms for me to find like this. Three in the arm rest has the same expiration date as the other 14 in our nightstand, one matches the other in the glove compartment. These and the lube (unused) are under a pile of crumbled napkins/receipts.


OK. I think he's trying to sell you a bridge, OP.
As for #1, let's say he's telling the truth about the one condom. How did he explain the additional condoms in the car? Um, what about the LUBE? Did you read all the receipts in the armrest?
2. Ridiculous.
3. Do you guys use the same brand? Regularly or in the past?
4. Did he give you access? And what's with the google phone numbers, I don't understand that.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 11:13     Subject: Found a condom in my husband's car

Good morning,

I had to ask him last night.

1. He said I had specifically requested for him to get more of the same condoms and he took one with him to be sure he purchased the right one. He is sloppy and possible that he forgot it in the car.

2. He also suggested that maybe the condoms belong to whoever had access to his car when he was in an accident late last year (SUV totaled last summer, car accident in November/December). The car was in the shop for almost a month.

3. Trojan sells condoms in pack of 3, 10, 12, 26 or 36 counts in gold foils. I pointed out that he purchased a pack for us (26 or 36), we used 4 or 5 and there's 14 left. Where are the rest? He doesn't know.

4. This morning, I asked for access to his individual credit card login. He goes bowling once a week, in the past he charged it to his individual credit card but there's only one transaction since the beginning of December. He never uses cash except where credit is not accepted.

I know that if he wants to hide, I wouldn't be able to find anything because he has Google phone numbers for everything (online purchases, home improvement contractors, our tenants). I don't understand why he would be leaving condoms for me to find like this. Three in the arm rest has the same expiration date as the other 14 in our nightstand, one matches the other in the glove compartment. These and the lube (unused) are under a pile of crumbled napkins/receipts.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 10:29     Subject: Re:Found a condom in my husband's car

OP, I need you in my life ....well, an update would be great because I have shit to do but I'd rather be on dcurbanmom.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 09:13     Subject: Found a condom in my husband's car
OP, any update? I tend to agree with the posters who say investigate before you confront, but I also can't imagine going about my business and trying to act normal around my DH if I were in your shoes.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 09:04     Subject: Found a condom in my husband's car
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Some (a lot) of you watch way too much SVU. Or you're just stupid. You do realize men cheating with other women also use condoms so, I don't know, they don't knock up their mistress?


Right, but they probably don't use condoms AND lube.


... Because only gay men use lube??


Women usually use lube. Men don't usually supply that.


Um ... What?? That makes no sense. Either partner could supply that. I've never met a man who didn't have lube available.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 08:58     Subject: Found a condom in my husband's car
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Some (a lot) of you watch way too much SVU. Or you're just stupid. You do realize men cheating with other women also use condoms so, I don't know, they don't knock up their mistress?


Right, but they probably don't use condoms AND lube.


... Because only gay men use lube??


Women usually use lube. Men don't usually supply that.


huh? My Dh loves lube. He hates it when he rubs.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 08:56     Subject: Found a condom in my husband's car
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Some (a lot) of you watch way too much SVU. Or you're just stupid. You do realize men cheating with other women also use condoms so, I don't know, they don't knock up their mistress?


Right, but they probably don't use condoms AND lube.


... Because only gay men use lube??


Women usually use lube. Men don't usually supply that.
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 08:42     Subject: Found a condom in my husband's car
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maybe he's using them to masturbate because he doesn't like the mess. That would also explain the lube. Kind of weird, but a possibility.


Man here...and since we're anonymous and all...

I used to use condoms, and yes lube, to masturbate. I'll spare you all the details but yeah, it's a distinct possibility. I never hid them in the car because at that time we used condoms ourselves so there was no need, but if we weren't using condoms I suppose I'd have to keep them somewhere. Might seem far fetched, but perhaps not as far fetched as some women might think. Dudes be freaky sometimes.

I'm an old guy now and we're condom free, and also in a better place, so my occasional solo flights are no longer quite so elaborate.

The part I'm having a hard time getting past is why he'd leave them so easily found.


Thanks for the laugh!
Anonymous
Post 01/06/2016 08:41     Subject: Found a condom in my husband's car
OP, if you can't just ask him outright you have bigger issues.