Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why the OP has all this angst.

This guy she was dating wanted to have sex with her and she doesn't want to have sex with him. No one says she has to do that if she doesn't feel like it.

On the other hand, OP has this entitlement princess mentality that somehow the guy is supposed to stick around and cater to her whims....where is this delusional attitude coming from, exactly?

There's nothing "wrong" with OP being frigid or not sexually attracted to this particular guy.

But there's equally nothing wrong with him wanting to have sex with her and then moving on when she doesn't want to have sex with him.

OP's only problem is she seems to feel he "owes" something to her.

He doesn't.

Anonymous wrote:AND he's not going to care about whether sex is on the second date or the seventh.

Anonymous wrote:
Wrong. It isn't natural for most women. We aren't hunters. Our bodies aren't made that way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's not into you. And if he pursued you right now, it would be just to get you into bed, then disappear. So what would you rather happen, moving on before sex or after?

I know dating is tough. Don't take it personally and know that it's a numbers game. You are one person closer to meeting the right one.

Op. Yeah thanks. I think he was just interested in me for sex, and when I didn't sleep with him casually, he figured he better not pursue it. I guess that's better than if he pretended to like me just to sleep with me, but still......feeling rejected.

I was blasé and chipper and acted like it was totally normal to just go our separate ways after the date, so for all he knows I feel the same way, but still.....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think you don't like to initiate because initiating is difficult and scary -- not because women "aren't supposed to initiate."

This is accurate for 99.9% of women.

Anonymous wrote:
I think you don't like to initiate because initiating is difficult and scary -- not because women "aren't supposed to initiate."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems like more than just the sex. OP stated she never really initiated anything. She waited for the guy to do all the inviting and initiate any (text) conversations. I understand this for the first date, but after 2 or 3 dates, you should at least take initiative and start conversations with him and even invite him to do something. That along with your wishy-washy indecision about having sex made him think you're just not into him. He moved on. I would too (I'm a guy).

Op here. Opinions like this are fascinating to me.

So first I did send him a thanks email after the first date, so that was initiated on my part. He's initiated everything else though.

But seriously, the message women get is that we should not make any moves. We should be passive and make him initiate every thing and if he doesn't, that means he doesn't like us and therefore we shouldn't want to go out with him anyway. You're saying sometimes women should initiate things?

Anonymous wrote:

Simple, tell the guy by date 3 that you like him but want to get to know him better before that part of the relationship. Three dates is nothing, you don't know that person. Establish a relationship and that you both are a match...then comes the sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, perhaps the mixed signals gave him pause. COMMUNICATE. You seem to be putting all the work on him.

And be clear in the future. " Hey Larlo Inreally like hanging out but want to wait until we get to know each other better. How about dinner Friday." Expecting a guy to read and interpret mixed signals this early on is a recipe for disaster. Most guys will decide it isnt worth the effort (i would) and move on.

Man here. THIS is good advice. OP said she didn't let him go further on the third date because she was having her period. It's a whole lot better to say that than to shut things down and not mention it. A guy will take that to mean the woman is still interested, but logistics prevent things from going forward.

She was sending mixed signals and being indecisive. The guy took that to mean she wasn't that into him, and he moved on. I can understand why -- life is short, so why waste time on someone who may not even like you?

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Well, I semi took the advice on this and texted him a friendly text - didn't ask him out though. He wound up asking me out. We went out a few more times. I thought he was into me. He now appears to have ghosted me....after I did more than I wanted to physically if he was just going to dump me.

I am going back to the "he's just not that into you" theory of dating. If the guys is into you, he will do the work and ask you out, contact you, etc. if he won't, he's not that into you.

I am so tired of this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could win him over with sex.

But....where would that go if he isn't interested in me....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
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Anonymous wrote:
I'm not playing hard to get.

I'm just want to get to know someone well before sleeping with him. I don't want to sleep with someone too soon and then find out later he's a jerk or doesn't like me.


Oh poor you. You sound like a teenager. No relationship lasts forever and you're not entitled to any specific length of a relationship, be it long or short. You're lucky if this guy sticks around for another date, with the way you're treating him. If you treated me this way, I'd never talk to you again.

If you're not attracted to him, find someone else's time to waste.


Ignore this person. Not having sex by the third date is mistreating someone? Give me a break.

I'm sorry, OP. This sucks, but clearly this guy was looking for sex, and recognized you were looking for more. It would have been worse if you slept together, then he disappeared. He isn't the guy for you.


Seriously, talk about entitled. Men here really feel that they are owed sex after a third date?? ???


They are entitled to accept no sex after a third date as a lack of interest from the woman.


Um, ok, but then they might be missing out on sleeping with a woman who might have slept with him by date five or eight.

Who thought up this third date rule anyway? I think it was a man trying to make women feel like sleeping with someone on the third date was the norm.

It is normal. By third date its time to step it up or cut bait. If we are not sleeping with each other by the third, there is no chemistry. As for missing out...really you are some much more special vs someone else? Most likely you are just missing out on someone with a lot of hang ups.


Oh please. There are plenty of couples who didn't abide by this rule and things worked out for them.

I did not say anything about a rule, but three dates is enough time(for most people the three date rule means not having sex on the first date). I am sure there are some who go slower, but they are self selecting lower sex drive couples....that is fine. I really think people should try to match sex drive and feels/hang ups about sex. If you are a guy and the woman is not willing to move the relationship forward, you have to move on. Over 30 and not willing to have sex is a red flag(either she is not into you or she has problems with sex). You find this out by the third date.