Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You-all are making me feel bad. I stayed with the kids when my son and DIL got married, and now I'm afraid I did stuff. The kids share acroom, and the baby gets up at night. I asked the kids if I could sleep in their bed, cause the guest room bed is high and tiny, so that I could bring the baby into it at night without worrying that she'd fall out. They said yes, and I changed the sheets before and after, but....

I'm sure your intentions were good, but you should never have asked *the kids* if you could have shared their bed, you should have asked *the parents.* Why were you bringing baby into the bed with you, without asking?! My baby does NOT co-sleep, and if anyone took her into bed with them without my permission, I'd be livid.

Sorry, unclear sets of children: I asked the parents, I.e, my kids, about bed usage. And their kids co-sleep, as well as often nursed the baby to sleep. To make things more complicated, the baby had just moved into her brother's room. I really wasn't sure they wouldn't wake each other up.

Hopefully they didn't feel as you do.

Well you asked, so it's fine! Good for you for respecting them enough to ask and not just assume. ?

Sorry, that ? Was a mistake. Again, good on you for asking!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You-all are making me feel bad. I stayed with the kids when my son and DIL got married, and now I'm afraid I did stuff. The kids share acroom, and the baby gets up at night. I asked the kids if I could sleep in their bed, cause the guest room bed is high and tiny, so that I could bring the baby into it at night without worrying that she'd fall out. They said yes, and I changed the sheets before and after, but....

I'm sure your intentions were good, but you should never have asked *the kids* if you could have shared their bed, you should have asked *the parents.* Why were you bringing baby into the bed with you, without asking?! My baby does NOT co-sleep, and if anyone took her into bed with them without my permission, I'd be livid.

Sorry, unclear sets of children: I asked the parents, I.e, my kids, about bed usage. And their kids co-sleep, as well as often nursed the baby to sleep. To make things more complicated, the baby had just moved into her brother's room. I really wasn't sure they wouldn't wake each other up.

Hopefully they didn't feel as you do.

Well you asked, so it's fine! Good for you for respecting them enough to ask and not just assume. ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You-all are making me feel bad. I stayed with the kids when my son and DIL got married, and now I'm afraid I did stuff. The kids share acroom, and the baby gets up at night. I asked the kids if I could sleep in their bed, cause the guest room bed is high and tiny, so that I could bring the baby into it at night without worrying that she'd fall out. They said yes, and I changed the sheets before and after, but....

I'm sure your intentions were good, but you should never have asked *the kids* if you could have shared their bed, you should have asked *the parents.* Why were you bringing baby into the bed with you, without asking?! My baby does NOT co-sleep, and if anyone took her into bed with them without my permission, I'd be livid.

Sorry, unclear sets of children: I asked the parents, I.e, my kids, about bed usage. And their kids co-sleep, as well as often nursed the baby to sleep. To make things more complicated, the baby had just moved into her brother's room. I really wasn't sure they wouldn't wake each other up.

Hopefully they didn't feel as you do.

Anonymous wrote:GoodGod some of you are touchy and dramatic

People who say "Good God" are dramatic.

Anonymous wrote:GoodGod some of you are touchy and dramatic

Ha. People get touchy when other people go through their stuff w/o permission. All you have to do to avoid the drama is behave yourself. Easy.

GoodGod some of you are touchy and dramatic

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
That would seriously drive me crazy too!

1. Label the fridge things with a big "DO NOT THROW OUT" sign.
2. Label the cupboard with "DO NOT TOUCH BABY'S THINGS!"
3. And other signs you may wish to put up...

Are you serious? Insufferably rude. This is family, not Joe from the office who is eating your yogurt.

"Insufferably rude" is the MIL throwing out perfectly good food from a clean and organized refrigerator and freezer without checking with the owners of the home first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd give her tasks that take a lot of time, like maybe wiping down all the toddler's toys so they'll be clean when the baby comes home. She's probsbly a high anxiety person who can't handle downtime (I have a SIL like this!). Fill up her chore list with activities you don't care about, like the toddler toys and such. Wash your windows maybe?

Brilliant suggestions!

And, to the PPs, no guest has any reason to go through someone's else's closets, and certainly not to enter the master bedroom. Nope!

+1 Exactly!!

+2 I can guarantee that the IL are not looking for that kind of chore! They are just snooping and being obnoxious.

I would like a list of where this snoopy woman did not put her beak. In your underwear drawer? You can be sure she did. In your shoeboxes? yes. In your frozen food/ why yes! in your bills and mail? Of course! Your checking account? Sure! Your baby clothes? Guilty!
OP This kind of help would drive me crazy. I do not want my ILs going through my things and making the changes that they see fit. It sends a message 'we know better how to take care of our DEAR BOY!" Your DH. as for starting projects to entertain himself and then leaving a mess all over -- How old are you gramps? Cant you just watch TV like any other preschooler?
At this tender time in life, with a new baby, I would ask them to make it a very short stay, and in a hotel. they are WAAAY overboard/ over involved/ boundary less. Nip this in the bud.

Anonymous wrote:They are clearly bored and trying to help. I would give them a list of things you want them to do so they don't go off and disrupt things you have already done. Be very specific if there are things you don't want them to touch. Hopefully it will be different this time since they will presumably be watching your toddler. Give them some ideas for places to take your toddler so they are not hanging around your house trying to "help"

+1. Like saying:
--No laundry
--But please make dinner tonight
--Wash dishes
--Please don't throw out food

etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't consider that type of stuff helpful, either! Controlling and nosy.

Does it have to be either/ or?

Why does it have to be controlling or nosy? Can't it just be misguided? I trust those on this board that jump to the "controlling, no boundaries, MIL MUST have NPD" knee jerk response aren't as drama free as they would like to assume about themselves too.

It helps to assume, until given plenty of evidence otherwise, that your DH's family has best intentions. Now if those intentions make you uncomfy, a little chat could help but it doesn't need to be some giant dramatic production. Just let them know you sort of have grown up a different way and its not something you really care for but be thankful that they thought of you in that way to help.

I'm sorry but going through another grown up's closets/medicine cabinets, stripping their bed and remaking it is....weird. You don't go into another person's house and go through their things like that UNLESS you have some serious boundary issues. To ASSume that people don't care if you go through their things while they are hospitalized is truly bizarre. No - that is not o.k. That is an invasion of privacy. That is an invasion of trust. And it is completely ridiculous and out of line to do that to a person who is hospitalized and already has enough to worry about.

It is not weird
As pp said it may be misguided if you do not have that type of close relationship.
I would not give a flying fug if my mom or MIL remade my bed.

Maybe it's a maturity thing. Dh and I were in our mid 30's and had been out of our parents' homes and living with each other for a long time when our first was born. We were independent, grown adults. Our moms were no longer hands on mothering us so if one of them had started to sort through our cabinets/drawers/closets while I was in the hospital that would have been very disrespectful and plain weird of them. And, no, I would not have been happy with an intrusion like that - AT ALL.

So what we've learned here in nine pages is that people have different boundaries regarding private territory and what they don't want changed by others in their homes.

What more people need to learn is to respect others' boundaries. Everyone feels their way is the normal way, but of course there are many ways to be.

If you're close enough to your in-laws that they stay with you, then you're close enough to discuss this in a tactful and neutral way, and then let them know which things you need to have left alone and what parts of your home are private.

Anonymous wrote:
That would seriously drive me crazy too!

1. Label the fridge things with a big "DO NOT THROW OUT" sign.
2. Label the cupboard with "DO NOT TOUCH BABY'S THINGS!"
3. And other signs you may wish to put up...

Are you serious? Insufferably rude. This is family, not Joe from the office who is eating your yogurt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't consider that type of stuff helpful, either! Controlling and nosy.

Does it have to be either/ or?

Why does it have to be controlling or nosy? Can't it just be misguided? I trust those on this board that jump to the "controlling, no boundaries, MIL MUST have NPD" knee jerk response aren't as drama free as they would like to assume about themselves too.

It helps to assume, until given plenty of evidence otherwise, that your DH's family has best intentions. Now if those intentions make you uncomfy, a little chat could help but it doesn't need to be some giant dramatic production. Just let them know you sort of have grown up a different way and its not something you really care for but be thankful that they thought of you in that way to help.

I'm sorry but going through another grown up's closets/medicine cabinets, stripping their bed and remaking it is....weird. You don't go into another person's house and go through their things like that UNLESS you have some serious boundary issues. To ASSume that people don't care if you go through their things while they are hospitalized is truly bizarre. No - that is not o.k. That is an invasion of privacy. That is an invasion of trust. And it is completely ridiculous and out of line to do that to a person who is hospitalized and already has enough to worry about.

It is not weird
As pp said it may be misguided if you do not have that type of close relationship.
I would not give a flying fug if my mom or MIL remade my bed.

If my inlaws did that I would hate it. No wonder OP is upset1