Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least your husband is still alive. I wish mine was.

/thread killer

Yes, he passed five years ago. He'd be 50 today. He had a bit of "middle age pudge." Now it doesn't seem that big a deal.

just think of him as being eccentric
problem solved

The thing is OP that whatever your husband is like, reflects right back on you. YOU chose him and you live with him.

However if people are genuine and see his kindness and his efforts which you have described, albeit unkindly, then they will think "- wow this poor guy stuck with that total bitch. She is lucky he tolerates her..."

Please divorce him ASAP so he can find a woman worthy of him.

I sincerely hope your husband doesnt feel your contempt for him.

You should be shoved in front of a bus, you silly little turd.

Anonymous wrote:At least your husband is still alive. I wish mine was.

/thread killer

At least your husband is still alive. I wish mine was.

Found myself thinking about this article:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/03/marry-him/306651/

This was by a woman who made a case for "settling", saying that if you don't want to end up alone you should make your peace with marrying someone who's quirky. I remember feeling conflicted when I first read it, and I thought of it today -- wondering if the OP's question is how it ends in situations where someone says, "He's not perfect but I really want to be married."

OP you seem really obsessed about perceptions and what other people think. Not wanting to divorce bc you would be the first one? That is the lamest excuse for staying in a marriage that I've ever heard.

All these men that you think are so sophisticated, dress well, talk well, dance well...a lot of them are probably big time assholes at home and horrible husbands/fathers. Looks are deceiving. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

I think you need therapy to figure out why all these superficial things are making you so unhappy. If that is what you really care about then you should cut him loose and find an equally shallow and narcissistic spouse for yourself. Please don't have children with your current husband, let alone anyone - poor kids will spend their entire lives unhappy while trying to live up to your expectations of perfection.

Now that I'm in my 60s, I realize the importance of learning to let go of "responsibility" for some of my husband's traits. Yeah, he likes to show off at parties and talks too much about himself. If someone wants to blame that on me, that's their problem. I've learned to accept it and focus on his positive traits.

And for doing that, I've been blessed with a warm and loving partner who adores me and has my back. That's really important as I age. I feel very lucky but I learned to not worry about what other people think about me and that's essential to enjoying my luck.

I'm the dorky wife -- and I'm really glad I found someone who thinks my 'nutty professor' routine is endearing. Yes, there is someone out there who will think that your husband is adorable -- but it sounds like that person is not you. Too bad for you.

You won't realize what a prize he was until you lose him and you see how happy he makes someone else.

This makes me remember that I knew my DH was The One when I realized I didn't care what my family or anyone else thought of him. He has some of the qualities OP is ashamed of, but the longer we're together the less I care whether anyone notices or what they think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's going to be 33 next month I wish he'd care a little more. We're trying to start a family, and social connections will matter even more.

Oh God, please don't start a family with him if you feel this way. What matters most with a family is love and acceptance, and you are lacking.

I never said I didn't love him. I'm fond of him. I disagree that love is what matters most, yes it's great, but in today's world children need every advantage they can get and it's no secret social networking helps.

OP, if you are concerned that your kids will inherit your DH's corniness and lack of fashion sense, did you ever think they may inherit your bad traits, too?

If you are this concerned, then again, don't procreate with this man. Move on, and let him move on.

I'm thankful that my DH never thought about how our kids might inherit my traits that I can't control, like me being vertically challenged. Our DS takes after me; he is short. DH is super tall (over 6'), and me being short never seemed to give him pause, thank goodness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's going to be 33 next month I wish he'd care a little more. We're trying to start a family, and social connections will matter even more.

Oh God, please don't start a family with him if you feel this way. What matters most with a family is love and acceptance, and you are lacking.

I never said I didn't love him. I'm fond of him. I disagree that love is what matters most, yes it's great, but in today's world children need every advantage they can get and it's no secret social networking helps.

k

Even the most vile ex girlfriend I have is not as superficial as OP.