Anonymous wrote:Would the previous posters' analysis change if the unfaithful partner/parent planned to move to a distant state to pursue their happiness and live with their affair partner? And if they specifically said that they did not want the family to follow (though in truth it would be very difficult to uproot everyone's lives to follow the divorcing parent in any case)?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would the previous posters' analysis change if the unfaithful partner/parent planned to move to a distant state to pursue their happiness and live with their affair partner? And if they specifically said that they did not want the family to follow (though in truth it would be very difficult to uproot everyone's lives to follow the divorcing parent in any case)?

That would be further acts of bad parenting. At some point a cumulative effect of bad parenting decisions add up to a bad parent.

Cheating is a symptom of a much bigger problem inside that person and whether it's a man or a woman those issues do not just go away when they are caught or they divorce. It usually follows them in all their relationships romantic or child/parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would the previous posters' analysis change if the unfaithful partner/parent planned to move to a distant state to pursue their happiness and live with their affair partner? And if they specifically said that they did not want the family to follow (though in truth it would be very difficult to uproot everyone's lives to follow the divorcing parent in any case)?

That would be further acts of bad parenting. At some point a cumulative effect of bad parenting decisions add up to a bad parent.

Anonymous wrote:Would the previous posters' analysis change if the unfaithful partner/parent planned to move to a distant state to pursue their happiness and live with their affair partner? And if they specifically said that they did not want the family to follow (though in truth it would be very difficult to uproot everyone's lives to follow the divorcing parent in any case)?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

While I would never have guessed it, and many predicted otherwise, my Ex stepped up as a parent during our separation. Other than a few month lapse when another new lady entered his life briefly a bit later, he has been a much better father since his affair came out and our marriage ended. Many suspected he would lose interest and gradually fade out of our lives. The affair partner baled too and he now had his daughter to get to know and actively parent.

She was young enough not to remember much of this. My daughter has been completely shielded from knowing about the affair and other marital issues. My hope is she never finds outs. Should she find out, I hope she is at the maturity level that she understands good people can make really really crappy choices sometimes. I also hope she understands that while I am able to forgive him, I was not able to remain married to him.

He was not a good father for the first few years, but I am incredibly thankful for him stepping up. Especially so as he eventually confessed he had never wanted to be a parent, yet he knew it was expected of him. You can tell he adores her now and she adores her daddy. I would never want to do anything to jeopardize the relationship they have.

He flunked marriage, but is doing pretty awesome in the parenting department.

You have really low standards for fatherhood.

Cheating and blowing up your marriage is an act of bad parenting (in addition to being a HORRIBLE act of bad spouse-ing) but it doesn't mean you're a bad parent. A good student can flunk a test or a class, a good doctor can make a mistake, a good person can make a mistake.

And more than that, people CAN improve and go on to be better and if you don't allow them the space to do so it will never happen. PP is a good person to let her ex figure out how to be a good dad, her daughter is better for it, regardless of whether or not he deserved his ex wife's compassion/help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

While I would never have guessed it, and many predicted otherwise, my Ex stepped up as a parent during our separation. Other than a few month lapse when another new lady entered his life briefly a bit later, he has been a much better father since his affair came out and our marriage ended. Many suspected he would lose interest and gradually fade out of our lives. The affair partner baled too and he now had his daughter to get to know and actively parent.

She was young enough not to remember much of this. My daughter has been completely shielded from knowing about the affair and other marital issues. My hope is she never finds outs. Should she find out, I hope she is at the maturity level that she understands good people can make really really crappy choices sometimes. I also hope she understands that while I am able to forgive him, I was not able to remain married to him.

He was not a good father for the first few years, but I am incredibly thankful for him stepping up. Especially so as he eventually confessed he had never wanted to be a parent, yet he knew it was expected of him. You can tell he adores her now and she adores her daddy. I would never want to do anything to jeopardize the relationship they have.

He flunked marriage, but is doing pretty awesome in the parenting department.

You have really low standards for fatherhood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

While I would never have guessed it, and many predicted otherwise, my Ex stepped up as a parent during our separation. Other than a few month lapse when another new lady entered his life briefly a bit later, he has been a much better father since his affair came out and our marriage ended. Many suspected he would lose interest and gradually fade out of our lives. The affair partner baled too and he now had his daughter to get to know and actively parent.

She was young enough not to remember much of this. My daughter has been completely shielded from knowing about the affair and other marital issues. My hope is she never finds outs. Should she find out, I hope she is at the maturity level that she understands good people can make really really crappy choices sometimes. I also hope she understands that while I am able to forgive him, I was not able to remain married to him.

He was not a good father for the first few years, but I am incredibly thankful for him stepping up. Especially so as he eventually confessed he had never wanted to be a parent, yet he knew it was expected of him. You can tell he adores her now and she adores her daddy. I would never want to do anything to jeopardize the relationship they have.

He flunked marriage, but is doing pretty awesome in the parenting department.

You have really low standards for fatherhood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wife's or husband's infidelity and desire to divorce will hurt the children and demonstrate where their priorities lie. They are choosing an affair partner, and their own happiness, over the stability and happiness of their children.

That’s not actually a law of physics. A parent constantly conflating an offense against her with an attack on the kids, however, might be unhealthy to grow up around.

If the unfaitful/adulterous husband or wife chooses his or her happiness, and a relationshipaffair partner, over the stability and happiness of the children, that choice speaks for itself. No editorializing is necessary.

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

While I would never have guessed it, and many predicted otherwise, my Ex stepped up as a parent during our separation. Other than a few month lapse when another new lady entered his life briefly a bit later, he has been a much better father since his affair came out and our marriage ended. Many suspected he would lose interest and gradually fade out of our lives. The affair partner baled too and he now had his daughter to get to know and actively parent.

She was young enough not to remember much of this. My daughter has been completely shielded from knowing about the affair and other marital issues. My hope is she never finds outs. Should she find out, I hope she is at the maturity level that she understands good people can make really really crappy choices sometimes. I also hope she understands that while I am able to forgive him, I was not able to remain married to him.

He was not a good father for the first few years, but I am incredibly thankful for him stepping up. Especially so as he eventually confessed he had never wanted to be a parent, yet he knew it was expected of him. You can tell he adores her now and she adores her daddy. I would never want to do anything to jeopardize the relationship they have.

He flunked marriage, but is doing pretty awesome in the parenting department.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wife's or husband's infidelity and desire to divorce will hurt the children and demonstrate where their priorities lie. They are choosing an affair partner, and their own happiness, over the stability and happiness of their children.

That’s not actually a law of physics. A parent constantly conflating an offense against her with an attack on the kids, however, might be unhealthy to grow up around.

Anonymous wrote:A huge part of being a good parent is being a good role model, and that means treating ones wife/mother of one's children with respect. A DH who cheats on the wife condones deception, lying, and betrayal of vows. If you say that a cheating DH can also be a good dad means asking your children to view the world in an artificially disjointed way. You are asking your kids to close off a part of their heats, which is really sad.

Anonymous wrote:A wife's or husband's infidelity and desire to divorce will hurt the children and demonstrate where their priorities lie. They are choosing an affair partner, and their own happiness, over the stability and happiness of their children.