Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW is a SAHM. She had a career as a lawyer before the kids came. Life became to hectic for us to both be big law partners so she gave hers up. I am grateful for her sacrafice in the shared goal of raising our family. So, no - I wouldn't care if my DW had a career. But I want a woman that can hold an intelligent conversation. Educated and smart, yes, career, indifferent.

So many guys *say* this, but what do you actually DO to show that you appreciate the sacrifice? Have you been supportive of her keeping a toe in the water? Are you able to help set up childcare? Willing to work from home if she needs to spend one day out? Take the kids to appointments? Deal with contractors or home repairs? If she asked for a post-nup to assure her financial well being in the case of divorce, what would you say? Have you been contributing to her own retirement account while you continue to work full-time?

I am the PP you are quoting. I am willing to do all of the above, on occasion, but let's not kid ourselves here - I take care of the professional and she takes care of the domestic. But sure, if I need to run home and deal with contractors or if she needs time to herself, of course I provide. If she wanted to go back to work, she certainly could. But we both enjoy the peace of this arraignment. When the kids go to bed at 8pm, our day is done.

I have no idea what you mean by contributing to her retirement. We have one retirement account and I assume she would get half if we split. I would give her half even if she wasn't legally entitled to it. It's out money, not mine.

I feel like way too many SAHMs have convinced their husbands that their jobs are crazy hard and exhausting and the "most important job in the world". My husband makes $450k for a 9-5 job with frequent travel. Because of the travel, i went part time 9-3 and still make $250k. I pick up the kids from school, we have a housecleaner once a week, and an amazon prime account. There is nothing to do from 4pm on every day except the occasional load of laundry and dinner (which my husband and i both love cooking, so we alternate). If you think dual-working households are slaving away at 10pm every night, your wife has pulled the wool over your eyes.

And my husband freaking loves that i work and make that much cash. It is awesome for both of us to know that every day we go into the office is by choice and we could both quit like that. We both do a much better job at work because of that freedom.

WOW!! Congrats to you! You figured it all out! All my SAHM wife has to do is find a part time job that pays a quarter million a year! Why didn't she think of that. Perhaps she could check monster.com.

I work in BigLaw, and make what your husband makes. Yet, I have the humility not to tell the average person on DCUM who complains about financial hardship that the secret is to just find a job that pays triple.

And FWIW, my SAHM wife will be the first to tell you - now that the kids are in school, she has some free time on her hands. Sure, she is busy with domestic stuff for some of it, but she also has time to meet friends for coffee and go to the gym, etc. I love her, I am glad to see she is happy and has the chance to enjoy free time.

My husband's best friend was adamant that he wanted to find a woman who wanted to be a stay at home mom with no career goals. He scoffed that my husband married me - a successful, busy lawyer. He found her - living off and on at her parents', part time waitressing, etc. She kept working for a year, and then quit her part-time job when she was 5 months pregnant. He even threw her a "retirement party". Fast forward 8 years and it turns she's a totally crappy mom. Sleeps in, has a 15 hour a week nanny plus kids in childcare plus parents on the same street who watch the kids several times a week. Forgets to buy school supplies or send the kids to school with cupcakes for the bakesale. Terrible cook. It turns out that, in 2015 that women who have never aspired to a career or education aren't exactly top of the head on the mom material either. His career has taken some shitty turns during the recession and he's trying to figure out how to divorce her without losing all his money and the kids in the process (since the family court system will actually favor her with custody since she's been "primary caregiver" all along). Recently, he told me how wrong he was about wanting that kind of wife and how awesome my husband and my situation is. Who would have guessed that a woman who isn't motivated to go to college also isn't motivated to do laundry?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will make sure my children understand the importance of finding a partner with equal goals and a career.

To earn and income and stand on your own is important and making sure your partner is educated and had good goals is important.

That how to build wealth, retirement and the ability to provide.

This isn't 1950 anymore.

+1 million. The premise of this thread is depressing. Why would any woman want to be with a man who feels he has a right to dictate your career choices or see you as lesser for making those career choices at all? Why assume a male partner has standing to even have a say? Sheesh.

+1 million more.



I'm not auditioning, thanks.

Exactly. It genuinely saddens me that women even care about some dude that doesn't want them to have a career.

Oh gee, ]my career is going well and I'm working my way up! Better kill that though- wouldn't want a man to lose his boner because he feels emasculated!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW is a SAHM. She had a career as a lawyer before the kids came. Life became to hectic for us to both be big law partners so she gave hers up. I am grateful for her sacrafice in the shared goal of raising our family. So, no - I wouldn't care if my DW had a career. But I want a woman that can hold an intelligent conversation. Educated and smart, yes, career, indifferent.

So many guys *say* this, but what do you actually DO to show that you appreciate the sacrifice? Have you been supportive of her keeping a toe in the water? Are you able to help set up childcare? Willing to work from home if she needs to spend one day out? Take the kids to appointments? Deal with contractors or home repairs? If she asked for a post-nup to assure her financial well being in the case of divorce, what would you say? Have you been contributing to her own retirement account while you continue to work full-time?

I am the PP you are quoting. I am willing to do all of the above, on occasion, but let's not kid ourselves here - I take care of the professional and she takes care of the domestic. But sure, if I need to run home and deal with contractors or if she needs time to herself, of course I provide. If she wanted to go back to work, she certainly could. But we both enjoy the peace of this arraignment. When the kids go to bed at 8pm, our day is done.

I have no idea what you mean by contributing to her retirement. We have one retirement account and I assume she would get half if we split. I would give her half even if she wasn't legally entitled to it. It's out money, not mine.

I feel like way too many SAHMs have convinced their husbands that their jobs are crazy hard and exhausting and the "most important job in the world". My husband makes $450k for a 9-5 job with frequent travel. Because of the travel, i went part time 9-3 and still make $250k. I pick up the kids from school, we have a housecleaner once a week, and an amazon prime account. There is nothing to do from 4pm on every day except the occasional load of laundry and dinner (which my husband and i both love cooking, so we alternate). If you think dual-working households are slaving away at 10pm every night, your wife has pulled the wool over your eyes.

And my husband freaking loves that i work and make that much cash. It is awesome for both of us to know that every day we go into the office is by choice and we could both quit like that. We both do a much better job at work because of that freedom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW is a SAHM. She had a career as a lawyer before the kids came. Life became to hectic for us to both be big law partners so she gave hers up. I am grateful for her sacrafice in the shared goal of raising our family. So, no - I wouldn't care if my DW had a career. But I want a woman that can hold an intelligent conversation. Educated and smart, yes, career, indifferent.

So many guys *say* this, but what do you actually DO to show that you appreciate the sacrifice? Have you been supportive of her keeping a toe in the water? Are you able to help set up childcare? Willing to work from home if she needs to spend one day out? Take the kids to appointments? Deal with contractors or home repairs? If she asked for a post-nup to assure her financial well being in the case of divorce, what would you say? Have you been contributing to her own retirement account while you continue to work full-time?

I am the PP you are quoting. I am willing to do all of the above, on occasion, but let's not kid ourselves here - I take care of the professional and she takes care of the domestic. But sure, if I need to run home and deal with contractors or if she needs time to herself, of course I provide. If she wanted to go back to work, she certainly could. But we both enjoy the peace of this arraignment. When the kids go to bed at 8pm, our day is done.

I have no idea what you mean by contributing to her retirement. We have one retirement account and I assume she would get half if we split. I would give her half even if she wasn't legally entitled to it. It's out money, not mine.

Anonymous wrote:My DW is a SAHM. She had a career as a lawyer before the kids came. Life became to hectic for us to both be big law partners so she gave hers up. I am grateful for her sacrafice in the shared goal of raising our family. So, no - I wouldn't care if my DW had a career. But I want a woman that can hold an intelligent conversation. Educated and smart, yes, career, indifferent.

So many guys *say* this, but what do you actually DO to show that you appreciate the sacrifice? Have you been supportive of her keeping a toe in the water? Are you able to help set up childcare? Willing to work from home if she needs to spend one day out? Take the kids to appointments? Deal with contractors or home repairs? If she asked for a post-nup to assure her financial well being in the case of divorce, what would you say? Have you been contributing to her own retirement account while you continue to work full-time?

Please. My DW and I both teach in elementary schools. If she could somehow magically make 2x what she makes now I would gladly try being a SAHD! :0)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will make sure my children understand the importance of finding a partner with equal goals and a career.

To earn and income and stand on your own is important and making sure your partner is educated and had good goals is important.

That how to build wealth, retirement and the ability to provide.

This isn't 1950 anymore.

+1 million. The premise of this thread is depressing. Why would any woman want to be with a man who feels he has a right to dictate your career choices or see you as lesser for making those career choices at all? Why assume a male partner has standing to even have a say? Sheesh.

I didn't read all nine pages but how do you figure the guy doesn't have a say? Everyone dates who they want to date be it someone with a career or without or am I missing something here?

Guys are free to want whatever they want, but it's depressing to see women taking these preferences into account in deciding how to run their own lives. Be who YOU are. Find a man who respects what you want rather than making the biggest decision of your life to please someone else.

Thank you, that makes a lot more sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will make sure my children understand the importance of finding a partner with equal goals and a career.

To earn and income and stand on your own is important and making sure your partner is educated and had good goals is important.

That how to build wealth, retirement and the ability to provide.

This isn't 1950 anymore.

+1 million. The premise of this thread is depressing. Why would any woman want to be with a man who feels he has a right to dictate your career choices or see you as lesser for making those career choices at all? Why assume a male partner has standing to even have a say? Sheesh.

I didn't read all nine pages but how do you figure the guy doesn't have a say? Everyone dates who they want to date be it someone with a career or without or am I missing something here?

Guys are free to want whatever they want, but it's depressing to see women taking these preferences into account in deciding how to run their own lives. Be who YOU are. Find a man who respects what you want rather than making the biggest decision of your life to please someone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will make sure my children understand the importance of finding a partner with equal goals and a career.

To earn and income and stand on your own is important and making sure your partner is educated and had good goals is important.

That how to build wealth, retirement and the ability to provide.

This isn't 1950 anymore.

+1 million. The premise of this thread is depressing. Why would any woman want to be with a man who feels he has a right to dictate your career choices or see you as lesser for making those career choices at all? Why assume a male partner has standing to even have a say? Sheesh.

I didn't read all nine pages but how do you figure the guy doesn't have a say? Everyone dates who they want to date be it someone with a career or without or am I missing something here?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will make sure my children understand the importance of finding a partner with equal goals and a career.

To earn and income and stand on your own is important and making sure your partner is educated and had good goals is important.

That how to build wealth, retirement and the ability to provide.

This isn't 1950 anymore.

+1 million. The premise of this thread is depressing. Why would any woman want to be with a man who feels he has a right to dictate your career choices or see you as lesser for making those career choices at all? Why assume a male partner has standing to even have a say? Sheesh.

+1 million more.



I'm not auditioning, thanks.

My DW is a SAHM. She had a career as a lawyer before the kids came. Life became to hectic for us to both be big law partners so she gave hers up. I am grateful for her sacrafice in the shared goal of raising our family. So, no - I wouldn't care if my DW had a career. But I want a woman that can hold an intelligent conversation. Educated and smart, yes, career, indifferent.

Anonymous wrote:I will make sure my children understand the importance of finding a partner with equal goals and a career.

To earn and income and stand on your own is important and making sure your partner is educated and had good goals is important.

That how to build wealth, retirement and the ability to provide.

This isn't 1950 anymore.

+1 million. The premise of this thread is depressing. Why would any woman want to be with a man who feels he has a right to dictate your career choices or see you as lesser for making those career choices at all? Why assume a male partner has standing to even have a say? Sheesh.

I will make sure my children understand the importance of finding a partner with equal goals and a career.

To earn and income and stand on your own is important and making sure your partner is educated and had good goals is important.

That how to build wealth, retirement and the ability to provide.

This isn't 1950 anymore.

Doesn't bother me. I think it's hot.