Pediatrician told me that some kids need it and made me feel it was okay when I was having some behavior issues. I wish she never said that to me. I regret it.

That's a reasonable analysis. When I got spanked, it was kind of a big deal, but I didn't resent or hate them for it. I always felt like it was deserved, and really that I probably had gotten too many chances, if anything.

We spank our kids from time to time. It's not that often. I don't see anything illogical about it (not saying this just to argue). The whole "teach them not to hit, but then you hit" doesn't really hold water when you also teach them not to steal, but then take away their toys. It comes down to authority.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a wide range here. But I don't believe any parent when he or she says they spank in a controlled manner..absent of his or her own anger. I think that is utter bullshit. You spank because you are fed up and angry and out of control yourself...and seriously people just need to own this.

Eh.. I'm against spanking but I was spanked (rarely) and I always remember it being a very controlled thing.

Like, my parents would actually let me choose whether to be spanked or, e.g., not get popcorn. I remember this instance very clearly. It was when I let a strange dog in the house. I think I was like 6. They didn't seem out of control or angry at all, they were just disciplining me.

Did you ever choose the spanking?

Actually, I did! It was much better than being deprived of popcorn. I don't remember being traumatized by it at all. I give my parents a hard time because they kind of gave it up for their 3rd and 4th kids (mostly because they didn't really have time). But in their case, it wasn't "lazy parenting." That's the only instance I clearly remember. I also remember feeling like I deserved it and understanding that what I did was wrong.

Like I said, I'm not planning on spanking my own children and I'm against it in concept just because I find it illogical, and it can very easily send the wrong message. But I don't think it's NECESSARILY that way, just that it's fraught and I don't trust myself to implement it properly. And I definitely don't think I was harmed by my parents' implementation of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a wide range here. But I don't believe any parent when he or she says they spank in a controlled manner..absent of his or her own anger. I think that is utter bullshit. You spank because you are fed up and angry and out of control yourself...and seriously people just need to own this.

Eh.. I'm against spanking but I was spanked (rarely) and I always remember it being a very controlled thing.

Like, my parents would actually let me choose whether to be spanked or, e.g., not get popcorn. I remember this instance very clearly. It was when I let a strange dog in the house. I think I was like 6. They didn't seem out of control or angry at all, they were just disciplining me.

Did you ever choose the spanking?

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a wide range here. But I don't believe any parent when he or she says they spank in a controlled manner..absent of his or her own anger. I think that is utter bullshit. You spank because you are fed up and angry and out of control yourself...and seriously people just need to own this.

Eh.. I'm against spanking but I was spanked (rarely) and I always remember it being a very controlled thing.

Like, my parents would actually let me choose whether to be spanked or, e.g., not get popcorn. I remember this instance very clearly. It was when I let a strange dog in the house. I think I was like 6. They didn't seem out of control or angry at all, they were just disciplining me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a wide range here. But I don't believe any parent when he or she says they spank in a controlled manner..absent of his or her own anger. I think that is utter bullshit. You spank because you are fed up and angry and out of control yourself...and seriously people just need to own this.

This.

No, lady, YOU are fed up and angry and can't imagine other parents being rational in tough situations and punishing in a calm way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Well after being kicked repeatedly i spanked him. He giggled the whole time. Guess that ends this discussion for me.

God I feel so sorry for your kid. Please don't have another. People like you will never learn. One day spanking will be illegal in the US like in the more advanced countries. I guess until then I will just tell every spanking parent I meet IRL what I think and then scratch you people from my life. I can not stand violence against children. It is disgusting to no end.

Good Lord! You have no sense of reason or rationality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Well after being kicked repeatedly i spanked him. He giggled the whole time. Guess that ends this discussion for me.

God I feel so sorry for your kid. Please don't have another. People like you will never learn. One day spanking will be illegal in the US like in the more advanced countries. I guess until then I will just tell every spanking parent I meet IRL what I think and then scratch you people from my life. I can not stand violence against children. It is disgusting to no end.

Dafuck. Bye felicia

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Well after being kicked repeatedly i spanked him. He giggled the whole time. Guess that ends this discussion for me.

God I feel so sorry for your kid. Please don't have another. People like you will never learn. One day spanking will be illegal in the US like in the more advanced countries. I guess until then I will just tell every spanking parent I meet IRL what I think and then scratch you people from my life. I can not stand violence against children. It is disgusting to no end.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Well after being kicked repeatedly i spanked him. He giggled the whole time. Guess that ends this discussion for me.

My kids have never giggled during a spanking.

Op here. Well after being kicked repeatedly i spanked him. He giggled the whole time. Guess that ends this discussion for me.

i don't spank but i was spanked as a child till high school. i was always spanked for a good reason and after many warnings. i had very close relationship with my parents and harbor no resentment.

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a wide range here. But I don't believe any parent when he or she says they spank in a controlled manner..absent of his or her own anger. I think that is utter bullshit. You spank because you are fed up and angry and out of control yourself...and seriously people just need to own this.

This.

I don't have a definitive answer (though my proclivity is no), since DD is still too young. But I can offer you this:

- SIL & BIL spank their kids. They came to visit, and nephew did something that was both destructive and could be dangerous for him. He got spanked without any explanation for why from what I saw. Next day, I see him look both ways (not noticing me) to see if the coast is clear and then proceed to start doing the exact same thing that got him spanked the day before.

- I was not spanked, but I was harshly disciplined verbally. I also went to a very strict school. In both cases, I think it was more about consequences than explaining why my behavior was an issue. For a very long time, I viewed good behavior as whatever I could get away with.

So I guess my take away is that children need to have explained to them why something is "bad" or "wrong" or whatever. If you're truly doing that adequately and in a way that acknowledges your DC's feelings and in a way they can developmentally understand...then not sure what to say. I do believe there is a tiny fraction of psychopaths (i.e. some serial killers) in society who cannot empathize around good behavior absent clear and harsh punishment (if then). I also believe it's highly unlikely your child is one, so if you are going to spank at least do it coupled with verbal explanations of why (and ideally, don't).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party, but ... isn't it hard to teach a child not to hit when you're hitting them?

this assumes that the point of the lecture (spanking) is not to hit anyone, ever. while in fact the point is not to hit the parent.

The point is to follow the rules and not to hit/spank anyone when not in a position of legitimate authority to do so. A parent, whether the other posters like it or not, IS in a position of legitimate authority over the child, and a parent spanking a child is a valid method of discipline.

Not that poster, but according to my understanding of morality, there us NO "legitimate position" that allows it to be acceptable to purposefully hurt someone non-consensually, except in self defense or immediate defense of others.

How is it ever ok to hit other than under those conditions? Don't most of us spend quite some time teaching our kids not to hit/hurt others? Spanking seems hypocritical to me and contrary to the kind of lessons I want my child to learn from me.