Anonymous
04/01/2015 15:09
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
LOL!
I love my personal space, and I know how to ask for it when I want/need it. I also, as an adult member of a FAMILY, realize that everything, at all times is not about me, and yes there are times when I don't feel like doing something or seeing someone but I can put their needs before mine in that instance. I am not a child who has to have her every need met at every second or my whole world collapses. I did not marry my husband and all of sudden he became "mine" and "mine" alone, no longer a primary member of his family of origin. I did not give birth to children who are "mine" and "mine" alone, they are part of an extended family and we try to get along as best as possible. Bottom line, I know how to sometimes take one for the team and realize it was not that big a deal as I originally thought it would be. That is not being passive, it's being an adult.
Different PP, but um, good for you. I second giving you some kind of crown for awesomeness.
And I give you permission to seek therapy
Looks like we are even
Anonymous
04/01/2015 15:09
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's just too hard when you've got little ones waking up during the night and at least one of you having to leave for work in the morning at 4:30am. You are "on" all day, it's nice to come home, put your feet up or go outside and quietly work in the garden. I can't imagine being ever ready to host a crowd of folks too. And being labeled "rude" for being too tired to do so..
I cannot imagine feeling like I have to be "on" around my mom or MIL. If I cannot relax around them and be myself, what a shame.
I do not feel line a host when either are around, they are my family. I don't feel like having them for dinner or taking my kid to the park, I can say that to them, no problem . Same way if they don't feel line having me over because they are enjoying their solitude or whatever they are doing.
And I could not care any less if they offered my kid something I have to say no to. Big freaking deal.
Then I will crown you "Miss Perfect Daughter/DIL". Here's your crown and your bouquet of roses. There are some contests I know that I'm just not even going to enter...I have no chance. Enjoy.
sister please, not that deep, the fact that you think it's a contest...
You are the one saying how "sad" it is that some people don't like it when their family members show up on their doorstep and proceed to intrude on their own plans. Yeah, I'm sure your 3 year old would take it really well if you said "No, you can't go to the park with Grammy and Grammy can't stay for dinner". That is so awesome for you. My own 3 year olds would have been upset by being told no in that situation. And that would have sucked because up until that point we had been doing something fun together - just my child and me. But of course - that would have all been okie dokie in your world. So I will give you "Miss Perfect Mom of Perfect Child" award too. Congrats!
Not perfect, but I can deal with a disappointed 3 yr old. Part of parenting. I can also go with the flo and say its not a good time for family dinner. And if it was not, but DH wanted his mom over or "let" her come over I could learn to get over myself and realize that life is just not about me and my petty annoyances.
You sound like someone who simply doesn't need their own personal space. You don't plan things for yourself or if you do you are o.k. with your plans being interrupted by whomever, whenever and that your dh's (and extended family's) wants take precedence over your own. That's not just laid back, that is very passive. I operate differently.
I also operate differently. I don't want people showing up in my space. Would it be nice if I naturally felt relaxed around my mom or MIL? Sure, but I don't. That does not indicate anything wrong with me.
Weird how some people can't see that.
1) yes, it is sad that you do not feel naturally relaxed around your own mom. but your mom may be a crazy piece of work, who knows.
2) i think it's weird that you don't understand that being able to allow others in my space or going with the flow does not make me passive
3) and yes I do think it is odd that the situation op described is causing her and other folks to need therapy and a prescription, because if a slight change of plans and a family member coming over sends you into a tail spin, then yes, maybe you need to take a look at that or you will spend your every waking minute in a panic attack.
Anonymous
04/01/2015 14:46
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
Anonymous wrote:
LOL!
I love my personal space, and I know how to ask for it when I want/need it. I also, as an adult member of a FAMILY, realize that everything, at all times is not about me, and yes there are times when I don't feel like doing something or seeing someone but I can put their needs before mine in that instance. I am not a child who has to have her every need met at every second or my whole world collapses. I did not marry my husband and all of sudden he became "mine" and "mine" alone, no longer a primary member of his family of origin. I did not give birth to children who are "mine" and "mine" alone, they are part of an extended family and we try to get along as best as possible. Bottom line, I know how to sometimes take one for the team and realize it was not that big a deal as I originally thought it would be. That is not being passive, it's being an adult.
Different PP, but um, good for you. I second giving you some kind of crown for awesomeness.
Anonymous
04/01/2015 14:45
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's just too hard when you've got little ones waking up during the night and at least one of you having to leave for work in the morning at 4:30am. You are "on" all day, it's nice to come home, put your feet up or go outside and quietly work in the garden. I can't imagine being ever ready to host a crowd of folks too. And being labeled "rude" for being too tired to do so..
I cannot imagine feeling like I have to be "on" around my mom or MIL. If I cannot relax around them and be myself, what a shame.
I do not feel line a host when either are around, they are my family. I don't feel like having them for dinner or taking my kid to the park, I can say that to them, no problem . Same way if they don't feel line having me over because they are enjoying their solitude or whatever they are doing.
And I could not care any less if they offered my kid something I have to say no to. Big freaking deal.
Then I will crown you "Miss Perfect Daughter/DIL". Here's your crown and your bouquet of roses. There are some contests I know that I'm just not even going to enter...I have no chance. Enjoy.
sister please, not that deep, the fact that you think it's a contest...
You are the one saying how "sad" it is that some people don't like it when their family members show up on their doorstep and proceed to intrude on their own plans. Yeah, I'm sure your 3 year old would take it really well if you said "No, you can't go to the park with Grammy and Grammy can't stay for dinner". That is so awesome for you. My own 3 year olds would have been upset by being told no in that situation. And that would have sucked because up until that point we had been doing something fun together - just my child and me. But of course - that would have all been okie dokie in your world. So I will give you "Miss Perfect Mom of Perfect Child" award too. Congrats!
Not perfect, but I can deal with a disappointed 3 yr old. Part of parenting. I can also go with the flo and say its not a good time for family dinner. And if it was not, but DH wanted his mom over or "let" her come over I could learn to get over myself and realize that life is just not about me and my petty annoyances.
You sound like someone who simply doesn't need their own personal space. You don't plan things for yourself or if you do you are o.k. with your plans being interrupted by whomever, whenever and that your dh's (and extended family's) wants take precedence over your own. That's not just laid back, that is very passive. I operate differently.
I also operate differently. I don't want people showing up in my space. Would it be nice if I naturally felt relaxed around my mom or MIL? Sure, but I don't. That does not indicate anything wrong with me.
Weird how some people can't see that.
Anonymous
04/01/2015 14:38
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding me? Your MIL comes, takes your son to to the park after letting our DH know she was coming, and buys you dinner!! That sounds awesome, who cares if you were surprised. If you liked her you would be happy about the surprise.
Not if you are spending one on one time gardening with your child and already have dinner cooking in the oven.
MIL told dh that she was dropping by to pick up an item. That's it. She was told it was not a good time to drop by and she pressed and dh relented (after all she was just coming by to pick something up). She did not say that she was coming over to take the kid to the park, or stay for dinner or anything else. It was a Surprise all right.
OP. Are you a SAHM? Did grandma maybe think she was giving you a break at the end of the day? Because my dad comes and takes my daughter to the park sometimes and I love it.
Anonymous
03/31/2015 08:25
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's just too hard when you've got little ones waking up during the night and at least one of you having to leave for work in the morning at 4:30am. You are "on" all day, it's nice to come home, put your feet up or go outside and quietly work in the garden. I can't imagine being ever ready to host a crowd of folks too. And being labeled "rude" for being too tired to do so..
I cannot imagine feeling like I have to be "on" around my mom or MIL. If I cannot relax around them and be myself, what a shame.
I do not feel line a host when either are around, they are my family. I don't feel like having them for dinner or taking my kid to the park, I can say that to them, no problem . Same way if they don't feel line having me over because they are enjoying their solitude or whatever they are doing.
And I could not care any less if they offered my kid something I have to say no to. Big freaking deal.
Then I will crown you "Miss Perfect Daughter/DIL". Here's your crown and your bouquet of roses. There are some contests I know that I'm just not even going to enter...I have no chance. Enjoy.
sister please, not that deep, the fact that you think it's a contest...
You are the one saying how "sad" it is that some people don't like it when their family members show up on their doorstep and proceed to intrude on their own plans. Yeah, I'm sure your 3 year old would take it really well if you said "No, you can't go to the park with Grammy and Grammy can't stay for dinner". That is so awesome for you. My own 3 year olds would have been upset by being told no in that situation. And that would have sucked because up until that point we had been doing something fun together - just my child and me. But of course - that would have all been okie dokie in your world. So I will give you "Miss Perfect Mom of Perfect Child" award too. Congrats!
Not perfect, but I can deal with a disappointed 3 yr old. Part of parenting. I can also go with the flo and say its not a good time for family dinner. And if it was not, but DH wanted his mom over or "let" her come over I could learn to get over myself and realize that life is just not about me and my petty annoyances.
You sound like someone who simply doesn't need their own personal space. You don't plan things for yourself or if you do you are o.k. with your plans being interrupted by whomever, whenever and that your dh's (and extended family's) wants take precedence over your own. That's not just laid back, that is very passive. I operate differently.
LOL!
I love my personal space, and I know how to ask for it when I want/need it. I also, as an adult member of a FAMILY, realize that everything, at all times is not about me, and yes there are times when I don't feel like doing something or seeing someone but I can put their needs before mine in that instance. I am not a child who has to have her every need met at every second or my whole world collapses. I did not marry my husband and all of sudden he became "mine" and "mine" alone, no longer a primary member of his family of origin. I did not give birth to children who are "mine" and "mine" alone, they are part of an extended family and we try to get along as best as possible. Bottom line, I know how to sometimes take one for the team and realize it was not that big a deal as I originally thought it would be. That is not being passive, it's being an adult.
Anonymous
03/31/2015 07:22
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's just too hard when you've got little ones waking up during the night and at least one of you having to leave for work in the morning at 4:30am. You are "on" all day, it's nice to come home, put your feet up or go outside and quietly work in the garden. I can't imagine being ever ready to host a crowd of folks too. And being labeled "rude" for being too tired to do so..
I cannot imagine feeling like I have to be "on" around my mom or MIL. If I cannot relax around them and be myself, what a shame.
I do not feel line a host when either are around, they are my family. I don't feel like having them for dinner or taking my kid to the park, I can say that to them, no problem . Same way if they don't feel line having me over because they are enjoying their solitude or whatever they are doing.
And I could not care any less if they offered my kid something I have to say no to. Big freaking deal.
Then I will crown you "Miss Perfect Daughter/DIL". Here's your crown and your bouquet of roses. There are some contests I know that I'm just not even going to enter...I have no chance. Enjoy.
sister please, not that deep, the fact that you think it's a contest...
You are the one saying how "sad" it is that some people don't like it when their family members show up on their doorstep and proceed to intrude on their own plans. Yeah, I'm sure your 3 year old would take it really well if you said "No, you can't go to the park with Grammy and Grammy can't stay for dinner". That is so awesome for you. My own 3 year olds would have been upset by being told no in that situation. And that would have sucked because up until that point we had been doing something fun together - just my child and me. But of course - that would have all been okie dokie in your world. So I will give you "Miss Perfect Mom of Perfect Child" award too. Congrats!
Not perfect, but I can deal with a disappointed 3 yr old. Part of parenting. I can also go with the flo and say its not a good time for family dinner. And if it was not, but DH wanted his mom over or "let" her come over I could learn to get over myself and realize that life is just not about me and my petty annoyances.
You sound like someone who simply doesn't need their own personal space. You don't plan things for yourself or if you do you are o.k. with your plans being interrupted by whomever, whenever and that your dh's (and extended family's) wants take precedence over your own. That's not just laid back, that is very passive. I operate differently.
Anonymous
03/31/2015 07:09
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's just too hard when you've got little ones waking up during the night and at least one of you having to leave for work in the morning at 4:30am. You are "on" all day, it's nice to come home, put your feet up or go outside and quietly work in the garden. I can't imagine being ever ready to host a crowd of folks too. And being labeled "rude" for being too tired to do so..
I cannot imagine feeling like I have to be "on" around my mom or MIL. If I cannot relax around them and be myself, what a shame.
I do not feel line a host when either are around, they are my family. I don't feel like having them for dinner or taking my kid to the park, I can say that to them, no problem . Same way if they don't feel line having me over because they are enjoying their solitude or whatever they are doing.
And I could not care any less if they offered my kid something I have to say no to. Big freaking deal.
Then I will crown you "Miss Perfect Daughter/DIL". Here's your crown and your bouquet of roses. There are some contests I know that I'm just not even going to enter...I have no chance. Enjoy.
sister please, not that deep, the fact that you think it's a contest...
You are the one saying how "sad" it is that some people don't like it when their family members show up on their doorstep and proceed to intrude on their own plans. Yeah, I'm sure your 3 year old would take it really well if you said "No, you can't go to the park with Grammy and Grammy can't stay for dinner". That is so awesome for you. My own 3 year olds would have been upset by being told no in that situation. And that would have sucked because up until that point we had been doing something fun together - just my child and me. But of course - that would have all been okie dokie in your world. So I will give you "Miss Perfect Mom of Perfect Child" award too. Congrats!
Not perfect, but I can deal with a disappointed 3 yr old. Part of parenting. I can also go with the flo and say its not a good time for family dinner. And if it was not, but DH wanted his mom over or "let" her come over I could learn to get over myself and realize that life is just not about me and my petty annoyances.
Anonymous
03/30/2015 21:23
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding me? Your MIL comes, takes your son to to the park after letting our DH know she was coming, and buys you dinner!! That sounds awesome, who cares if you were surprised. If you liked her you would be happy about the surprise.
Not if you are spending one on one time gardening with your child and already have dinner cooking in the oven.
MIL told dh that she was dropping by to pick up an item. That's it. She was told it was not a good time to drop by and she pressed and dh relented (after all she was just coming by to pick something up). She did not say that she was coming over to take the kid to the park, or stay for dinner or anything else. It was a Surprise all right.
Anonymous
03/30/2015 20:59
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
Are you kidding me? Your MIL comes, takes your son to to the park after letting our DH know she was coming, and buys you dinner!! That sounds awesome, who cares if you were surprised. If you liked her you would be happy about the surprise.
Anonymous
03/30/2015 20:54
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's just too hard when you've got little ones waking up during the night and at least one of you having to leave for work in the morning at 4:30am. You are "on" all day, it's nice to come home, put your feet up or go outside and quietly work in the garden. I can't imagine being ever ready to host a crowd of folks too. And being labeled "rude" for being too tired to do so..
I cannot imagine feeling like I have to be "on" around my mom or MIL. If I cannot relax around them and be myself, what a shame.
I do not feel line a host when either are around, they are my family. I don't feel like having them for dinner or taking my kid to the park, I can say that to them, no problem . Same way if they don't feel line having me over because they are enjoying their solitude or whatever they are doing.
And I could not care any less if they offered my kid something I have to say no to. Big freaking deal.
Then I will crown you "Miss Perfect Daughter/DIL". Here's your crown and your bouquet of roses. There are some contests I know that I'm just not even going to enter...I have no chance. Enjoy.
sister please, not that deep, the fact that you think it's a contest...
You are the one saying how "sad" it is that some people don't like it when their family members show up on their doorstep and proceed to intrude on their own plans. Yeah, I'm sure your 3 year old would take it really well if you said "No, you can't go to the park with Grammy and Grammy can't stay for dinner". That is so awesome for you. My own 3 year olds would have been upset by being told no in that situation. And that would have sucked because up until that point we had been doing something fun together - just my child and me. But of course - that would have all been okie dokie in your world. So I will give you "Miss Perfect Mom of Perfect Child" award too. Congrats!
Anonymous
03/30/2015 19:48
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's just too hard when you've got little ones waking up during the night and at least one of you having to leave for work in the morning at 4:30am. You are "on" all day, it's nice to come home, put your feet up or go outside and quietly work in the garden. I can't imagine being ever ready to host a crowd of folks too. And being labeled "rude" for being too tired to do so..
I cannot imagine feeling like I have to be "on" around my mom or MIL. If I cannot relax around them and be myself, what a shame.
I do not feel line a host when either are around, they are my family. I don't feel like having them for dinner or taking my kid to the park, I can say that to them, no problem . Same way if they don't feel line having me over because they are enjoying their solitude or whatever they are doing.
And I could not care any less if they offered my kid something I have to say no to. Big freaking deal.
Then I will crown you "Miss Perfect Daughter/DIL". Here's your crown and your bouquet of roses. There are some contests I know that I'm just not even going to enter...I have no chance. Enjoy.
sister please, not that deep, the fact that you think it's a contest...
Anonymous
03/30/2015 19:47
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
Anonymous wrote:^And I do love both my own mom and my MIL - I just need my down time. So do they!
Which is what I said in my post... did you read the part about saying to them when you don't feel like having company??
Sheesh
Anonymous
03/30/2015 18:10
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
^And I do love both my own mom and my MIL - I just need my down time. So do they!
Anonymous
03/30/2015 18:09
Subject: Would you feel the same way? MIL inviting herself over
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's just too hard when you've got little ones waking up during the night and at least one of you having to leave for work in the morning at 4:30am. You are "on" all day, it's nice to come home, put your feet up or go outside and quietly work in the garden. I can't imagine being ever ready to host a crowd of folks too. And being labeled "rude" for being too tired to do so..
I cannot imagine feeling like I have to be "on" around my mom or MIL. If I cannot relax around them and be myself, what a shame.
I do not feel line a host when either are around, they are my family. I don't feel like having them for dinner or taking my kid to the park, I can say that to them, no problem . Same way if they don't feel line having me over because they are enjoying their solitude or whatever they are doing.
And I could not care any less if they offered my kid something I have to say no to. Big freaking deal.
Then I will crown you "Miss Perfect Daughter/DIL". Here's your crown and your bouquet of roses. There are some contests I know that I'm just not even going to enter...I have no chance. Enjoy.