It's not a therapist's job to give his or her opinion about what you should do, but rather to help you draw your own best conclusion. - a therapist who specializes in pre-marital counseling

OP you'll be fine. Life is an adventure. You stuck with thingy for this long for a reason. If you get divorced later cest la vie. You can encourage him to learn some manners and be kinder to people. You might have a great life together. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Enjoy what you have now and everyday and see how things go. You've made the commitment so go and enjoy your wedding and focus on what you appreciate about your man. You're not perfect either. You're fiancee is doing the same.

Done deal. Let us know how it is in five years

Anonymous wrote:OP, please listen to your gut. People who are rude to people in subordinate or serving positions to them often have issues with control and cruelty. If he can be unkind to the point of screaming at you, please, please call off the wedding. People may be disappointed, you may lose money, but it is the best thing for you hands down.
And if it is something that causes an irreversible break with your fiancé, then think about that too--he knows you have fears about the wedding and isn't willing to postpone it to work those things through.
Best of luck to you.

Or move to a Spring Valley after you are married. You will fit right in.

Anonymous wrote:I like the advice of waiting a long time before we have kids. We have our pre-nups, pre-canaan and weekly therapy sessions so we have a lot of support structures in place if/when things go bad. I'm really worried about a general lack of respect and civility.

Oh Jesus. You have this going I'm? Are you serious? I was head over heals, madly in love, couldn't picture myself with anyone else in love, when I got married. Amd I was 33! Life gets tough, marriage is hard, and having kids makes it even harder. I have been married for15 years and even with that guy that gave me butterflies on a dime, it's damn hard. No offense, but you sound ridiculous and immature. Do something adult and mature for once and don't do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it. You can always set a new date if your feelings change.

I think if my feelings change, it would still cause irreparable harm to our families and our relationship to put off the wedding at the last minute.

So would a nasty divorce and subsequent custody battle.

Anonymous wrote:There's a saying, "If you're not nice to the waiter, you're not nice."

+100. I think this is a big red flag, as is "I need alcohol to be nice."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ok guys gotta run to my spa day with my wedding party. Wish me the best!

This would be the troll tip-off.

Yeah, and the cheerful "let's do this thing!" after pages and pages of warnings not to go through with it. Ha.

I think OP just talked herself into believing that it's worth going ahead and is now trying to plunge forward and not look back. and is throwing herself into it.
In case people at a later date happen upon this thread and are in a similar situation to where OP was a few days ago, all the personal stories can be helpful. But let me put this forward to one of the PPs who commented on doubts being basically universal:
Lots of people, like me, had NO DOUBTS as our wedding day drew near. Event planning is stressful in some ways, but I had no doubts that I was about to marry someone who would make me happy and with whom I was excited to have as a life partner. So it's fine that a couple of you said you had doubts and got past them, but certainly its not fair to say that the typical couple-- especially in the exciting times of first marriages and no kids yet--have doubts. If there are doubts, one should come to terms with the reasons why and sometimes best not to just dismiss them as many PPs have attested to.