Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel exactly like you OP. My DH helps with barely anything, despite him only working part time as opposed to me working full time with an hour commute each way.

My day to day currently goes like this:

Get up at 5:30am to walk the dog, then when I get back, feed our 4 month old. Spend 30 minutes cleaning the dishes/kitchen, and preparing daycare bags and lunch for the baby and my 4 year old. 6:30 am take a shower and get ready. 7am get 4 year old out of bed, dressed, teeth brushed and ready to go, and get baby dressed and ready to go. Make a cup of coffie for DH. At 7:30, go wake DH up. When he gets dressed and comes out, I have the baby in his carrier on the floor with our 4 year old with his coat on and his school bag, and baby's school bag and DH's coffee waiting on the table. DH takes the kids to school (which is a 5 minute drive) and then he comes back and goes back to sleep. When we had the baby, I told him I really needed help in the mornigs - previously he just slept in until 10 and I dropped DS off at school on my way in to work. Taking them to school for me is the only thing he would agree to help with.

7:45am leave for work. 6:30-6:45pm arrive home from work. Make dinner. Give kids baths if there is time. Play time and 1 30 minute tv show for 4 yo while I give baby his bottle. Put kids to bed at 9pm (DH will do this about 20% of the time). Clean kitchen up some, do laundry, other various cleaning, etc.

All the while, DH is sitting on the couch using his Fn laptop....then has the nerve to ask me to bring him drinks.

Go to sleep around 11pm. Get up at 1:30 am to feed the baby (he's like clockwork, always wakes up at 1:30). DH will not do any overnight childcare. Try to get back to sleep to get in another couple hours of sleep hopefully, but it's hard because once I'm up it's really hard to fall back to sleep again.

Get back up at 5:30am. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT

I'm so exhausted, yet DH thinks I should be grateful that he takes out the trash, takes the kids to school and picks them up, and takes out the trash and recycling.

Sometimes I just feel like dying. That is all.

oh my - I am the one who posted just above you - are we married to the same damn man on his f-ing sofa with a laptop?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So basically you want him to do 100% of his job AND 50% of your job as well. And you seriously think this is fair and reasonable. Get over yourself already and DO YOUR JOB.

Oh so she is suppose to work 7 days a week? While he has two days off? When does she get a break?

Exactly. A SAHM means that she does the work that needs to be done at home while DH is at work. So let's say he's gone 8am-6pm every day. Those are her working hours too, Mon-Friday. ANYTHING that falls outside of those working hours (dinner, nighttime wakeups, illness, weekends) are SPLIT evenly between the two parents. This is not that hard to understand. It's called being a parent and a homeowner.

OP, I'm sorry, this sounds shitty. My advice would be to bring it up to him in a non-charged moment. Pick a calm time and just say you'd like to talk to him. Explain you feel taken advantage of. Use the cleaning up after dinner example. Ask him how you can work together to make sure everything gets done. He most likely has NO IDEA how much stuff you do. Write out a list. Show him what you spend your time doing during the day as part of your "job" and make it clear that there's stuff you guys have to split. Hopefully he's receptive and not defensive. If he's defensive try to keep things calm. Try not to criticize and make it sound like a team effort. "What can WE do together to make things run smoothly". That kind of thing. It might take several conversations, but the key is to STAY CALM.

But why isn't dinner one of those things that can be done during the day? I was on maternity leave with a 3 year old and a newborn. After the first crazy month or so, I just cooked dinner during a nap and the kitchen was generally clean by dinnertime. I am back to work now, and I do all the cooking on the weekend, generally it's just loading the dishwasher during the week. If you're home all day, You should be able to cook and clean up from making dinner during the day at least some days(barring some special needs or other commitments). After dinner cleanup shouldn't be more than putting plates in the dishwasher and wiping the table off. I can see splitting bedtime, but if her "work hours" are 8-6 why shouldn't laundry and cooking get done in that time?

Anonymous wrote:So many pages, what else is there to say... To the OP, I assume your children are young. This is THE hardest time. An earlier post (19:19) had a great suggestion. You need to get out of the house without kids and DH on regular basis, exercise class, walk with a girlfriend or even better, a 2 day trip away. Husbands will never clean like you do, but they do need to care for a child for a few days alone to truly appreciate all the work that you do.

Anonymous wrote:I feel exactly like you OP. My DH helps with barely anything, despite him only working part time as opposed to me working full time with an hour commute each way.

My day to day currently goes like this:

Get up at 5:30am to walk the dog, then when I get back, feed our 4 month old. Spend 30 minutes cleaning the dishes/kitchen, and preparing daycare bags and lunch for the baby and my 4 year old. 6:30 am take a shower and get ready. 7am get 4 year old out of bed, dressed, teeth brushed and ready to go, and get baby dressed and ready to go. Make a cup of coffie for DH. At 7:30, go wake DH up. When he gets dressed and comes out, I have the baby in his carrier on the floor with our 4 year old with his coat on and his school bag, and baby's school bag and DH's coffee waiting on the table. DH takes the kids to school (which is a 5 minute drive) and then he comes back and goes back to sleep. When we had the baby, I told him I really needed help in the mornigs - previously he just slept in until 10 and I dropped DS off at school on my way in to work. Taking them to school for me is the only thing he would agree to help with.

7:45am leave for work. 6:30-6:45pm arrive home from work. Make dinner. Give kids baths if there is time. Play time and 1 30 minute tv show for 4 yo while I give baby his bottle. Put kids to bed at 9pm (DH will do this about 20% of the time). Clean kitchen up some, do laundry, other various cleaning, etc.

All the while, DH is sitting on the couch using his Fn laptop....then has the nerve to ask me to bring him drinks.

Go to sleep around 11pm. Get up at 1:30 am to feed the baby (he's like clockwork, always wakes up at 1:30). DH will not do any overnight childcare. Try to get back to sleep to get in another couple hours of sleep hopefully, but it's hard because once I'm up it's really hard to fall back to sleep again.

Get back up at 5:30am. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT

I'm so exhausted, yet DH thinks I should be grateful that he takes out the trash, takes the kids to school and picks them up, and takes out the trash and recycling.

Sometimes I just feel like dying. That is all.

Anonymous wrote:I feel exactly like you OP. My DH helps with barely anything, despite him only working part time as opposed to me working full time with an hour commute each way.

My day to day currently goes like this:

Get up at 5:30am to walk the dog, then when I get back, feed our 4 month old. Spend 30 minutes cleaning the dishes/kitchen, and preparing daycare bags and lunch for the baby and my 4 year old. 6:30 am take a shower and get ready. 7am get 4 year old out of bed, dressed, teeth brushed and ready to go, and get baby dressed and ready to go. Make a cup of coffie for DH. At 7:30, go wake DH up. When he gets dressed and comes out, I have the baby in his carrier on the floor with our 4 year old with his coat on and his school bag, and baby's school bag and DH's coffee waiting on the table. DH takes the kids to school (which is a 5 minute drive) and then he comes back and goes back to sleep. When we had the baby, I told him I really needed help in the mornigs - previously he just slept in until 10 and I dropped DS off at school on my way in to work. Taking them to school for me is the only thing he would agree to help with.

7:45am leave for work. 6:30-6:45pm arrive home from work. Make dinner. Give kids baths if there is time. Play time and 1 30 minute tv show for 4 yo while I give baby his bottle. Put kids to bed at 9pm (DH will do this about 20% of the time). Clean kitchen up some, do laundry, other various cleaning, etc.

All the while, DH is sitting on the couch using his Fn laptop....then has the nerve to ask me to bring him drinks.

Go to sleep around 11pm. Get up at 1:30 am to feed the baby (he's like clockwork, always wakes up at 1:30). DH will not do any overnight childcare. Try to get back to sleep to get in another couple hours of sleep hopefully, but it's hard because once I'm up it's really hard to fall back to sleep again.

Get back up at 5:30am. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT

I'm so exhausted, yet DH thinks I should be grateful that he takes out the trash, takes the kids to school and picks them up, and takes out the trash and recycling.

Sometimes I just feel like dying. That is all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel exactly like you OP. My DH helps with barely anything, despite him only working part time as opposed to me working full time with an hour commute each way.

My day to day currently goes like this:

Get up at 5:30am to walk the dog, then when I get back, feed our 4 month old. Spend 30 minutes cleaning the dishes/kitchen, and preparing daycare bags and lunch for the baby and my 4 year old. 6:30 am take a shower and get ready. 7am get 4 year old out of bed, dressed, teeth brushed and ready to go, and get baby dressed and ready to go. Make a cup of coffie for DH. At 7:30, go wake DH up. When he gets dressed and comes out, I have the baby in his carrier on the floor with our 4 year old with his coat on and his school bag, and baby's school bag and DH's coffee waiting on the table. DH takes the kids to school (which is a 5 minute drive) and then he comes back and goes back to sleep. When we had the baby, I told him I really needed help in the mornigs - previously he just slept in until 10 and I dropped DS off at school on my way in to work. Taking them to school for me is the only thing he would agree to help with.

7:45am leave for work. 6:30-6:45pm arrive home from work. Make dinner. Give kids baths if there is time. Play time and 1 30 minute tv show for 4 yo while I give baby his bottle. Put kids to bed at 9pm (DH will do this about 20% of the time). Clean kitchen up some, do laundry, other various cleaning, etc.

All the while, DH is sitting on the couch using his Fn laptop....then has the nerve to ask me to bring him drinks.

Go to sleep around 11pm. Get up at 1:30 am to feed the baby (he's like clockwork, always wakes up at 1:30). DH will not do any overnight childcare. Try to get back to sleep to get in another couple hours of sleep hopefully, but it's hard because once I'm up it's really hard to fall back to sleep again.

Get back up at 5:30am. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT

I'm so exhausted, yet DH thinks I should be grateful that he takes out the trash, takes the kids to school and picks them up, and takes out the trash and recycling.

Sometimes I just feel like dying. That is all.

Why you would not kick this man to the curb is beyond me. Give him 50/50 custody.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DH takes the kids to school (which is a 5 minute drive) and then he comes back and goes back to sleep. When we had the baby, I told him I really needed help in the mornigs - previously he just slept in until 10 and I dropped DS off at school on my way in to work. Taking them to school for me is the only thing he would agree to help with.

PP, that is a waste of a human being. You are a single mom. Might as well be and leave his lazy ass. Oh my goodness. Sleeps until 10?!? This is almost abuse.

I'm contemplating it. We are really at the point though that we just can't afford to divorce.

Anonymous wrote:I feel exactly like you OP. My DH helps with barely anything, despite him only working part time as opposed to me working full time with an hour commute each way.

My day to day currently goes like this:

Get up at 5:30am to walk the dog, then when I get back, feed our 4 month old. Spend 30 minutes cleaning the dishes/kitchen, and preparing daycare bags and lunch for the baby and my 4 year old. 6:30 am take a shower and get ready. 7am get 4 year old out of bed, dressed, teeth brushed and ready to go, and get baby dressed and ready to go. Make a cup of coffie for DH. At 7:30, go wake DH up. When he gets dressed and comes out, I have the baby in his carrier on the floor with our 4 year old with his coat on and his school bag, and baby's school bag and DH's coffee waiting on the table. DH takes the kids to school (which is a 5 minute drive) and then he comes back and goes back to sleep. When we had the baby, I told him I really needed help in the mornigs - previously he just slept in until 10 and I dropped DS off at school on my way in to work. Taking them to school for me is the only thing he would agree to help with.

7:45am leave for work. 6:30-6:45pm arrive home from work. Make dinner. Give kids baths if there is time. Play time and 1 30 minute tv show for 4 yo while I give baby his bottle. Put kids to bed at 9pm (DH will do this about 20% of the time). Clean kitchen up some, do laundry, other various cleaning, etc.

All the while, DH is sitting on the couch using his Fn laptop....then has the nerve to ask me to bring him drinks.

Go to sleep around 11pm. Get up at 1:30 am to feed the baby (he's like clockwork, always wakes up at 1:30). DH will not do any overnight childcare. Try to get back to sleep to get in another couple hours of sleep hopefully, but it's hard because once I'm up it's really hard to fall back to sleep again.

Get back up at 5:30am. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT

I'm so exhausted, yet DH thinks I should be grateful that he takes out the trash, takes the kids to school and picks them up, and takes out the trash and recycling.

Sometimes I just feel like dying. That is all.

Anonymous wrote:You are a SAHM. Your job is to handle the house duties. His job is to go to work and bring home the money so you can have a roof over your head, food to cook/eat, and clothes to put on your (and your child's) back.